Lightening Crashes
by JLD
Summary: [WIP]Rory & Jess centric story. Jess goes to see Rory and pleads with her to runaway with him. Where do they go from there? Chapter 13 is up as of 10 15 07.
1. Loneliness

A/N: I decided to start this fanfic to set things right between Rory & Jess. I think it's a shame that they decided to cut their relationship to shreds like they did. When Jess made his final plea to Rory and she broke his heart... I felt that it was a travesty. As a fanfic writer, this is my first venture into Gilmore territory, so if it's horrible you have to let me know ASAP otherwise I continue to write. I take criticism very well and I appreciate all feedback that is left for me... heck I practically live for it.  
  
This takes place at the end of "This Weeks Tights, Last Weeks Fights".

"Why won't you leave me alone? You won't go away."

"Rory."

"What do you want?"

"I don't know. I just wanted to see you, talk to you. I just..."

"What?"

"Come with me."

"What?"

"Come with me". He repeated.

"Where?" I asked out of pure curiosity.

"I don't know...away!"

"Are you crazy?" I asked.

"Probably. Do it. Come with me. Don't think about it."

"I can't do that." I said as I opened the door to my dorm room and stepped inside.

He followed my lead and entered the dark room. "You don't think you can do it but you can. You can do whatever you want."

"It's not what I want."

"It is. I know you." He argued.

"You don't know me!" I screamed back.

"Look, we'll go to New York. We'll work, we'll live together, we'll be together. It's what I want. It's what you want, too."

"No!" I screamed in protest.

"I want to be with you, but not here. Not this place, not Stars Hollow. We have to start new."

"There's nothing to start!"

"You're packed. Your stuff is all in boxes. It's perfect. You're ready. And I'm ready. I'm ready for this. You can count on me now. I know you couldn't count on me before, but you can now. You can."

"No!"

"Look, you know we're supposed to be together. I knew it the first time I saw you two years ago, and you know it, too. I know you do."

"No, no, no, no, no!" My voice lets out. My brain responded to him... not my heart. If my heart had the words would have been dramatically different.

"Don't say 'no' just to make me stop talking or make me go away. Only say "no" if you really don't want to be with me."

"No!" I scream one last time. Praying that he will take my answer at face value and not look into my eyes and see how much I wanted to give him the opposite answer.

Jess backed away as quickly as he could all the while trying to stay close. Hoping beyond all hope. Praying that she would change her mind. He finally saw he was standing in the hallway. He looked at her one last time and lowered his head as he rushed out of building. Distraught that he never got what he came for. Her.

I sat down on one of the many boxes in the room after Jess disappeared from my door frame. I caught my breath and placed my head in my hands as a single tear, which had been forming in the corner of my eye since I began to close myself off to him again, rolled slowly down my cheek. I was terrified of getting hurt for the second time. I left my secure life to be with him once and I wasn't prepared to jeopardize my heart again. It hurt too much the first time he left and taking off with him... traveling into places unknown... and risk him leaving her in a far-off place alone. I could not allow myself to take the unnecessary risk of letting my heart out to be broken.

I sat alone, finding an empty solace in the darkness of the room, trying to sort through all the thoughts that were rushing through my psyche. The bewilderment. The entangled emotions. The back and forth. The push and pull. Jess. Dean. Jess. Dean. I wiped the remaining tear from my cheek. Then focused my intense stare through the open door frame and onto the white wall across from me. He was no longer standing there. Not that I expected him to come back or anything... perhaps I was being optimistic that he would still be the same Jess that jumped onto the moving sleigh just to sit with me. The same Jess that made sure I could withstand the utter humiliation of being crowned citizen of the month by switching the video tapes and their cases. The same Jess that challenged me. The same Jess that made me feel alive for the first time in my entire life.

I felt like I had become one of the main characters in the short lived primetime drama 'Dawson's Creek'. Except the tiny details... Jess and Dean were the farthest thing from best friends. There was no creek or ladders or open windows. Just me. Left in my constant state of indecision. Keeping Dean in my life is a necessity. No that's not it. Having Dean in my life is an obligation. No that's not it either. Having Dean in my life is a commitment. That's it a commitment. He is the link to my purity and his presence in my life will always remind me of that. His constant friendship and boy-next-door status in my life is important to me. It always has been. I love Dean. I will always love Dean. The love that exists between us is the most uncontaminated and innocent kind of love that could exist between someone of the opposite sex.

Words like that could never describe my love for Jess. Pure. Childlike. Eternally innocent. Ordinary. They were the exact opposite of words I would use to describe my love for him. Illustrious. Passionate. Unexpected. Life altering. Those were definitely words I would use to describe my love for Jess. The ironic thing was that I thought I buried my love for him deep within my being. I thought I had tucked it safely away beneath the sorrow and heartache. I was wrong. My love for him was right there for everyone to see. I was certain that he saw it too but instead of fighting me... he swallowed his pride and let me be. Irritating. That was what it was infuriating.

Suddenly every aggravating/unbelievably sexy thing he ever said or did came flashing before my eyes. "What am I doing?" I asked myself. Hearing my voice echo through the vast emptiness that Steinbeck described as loneliness in the Chinaman's eye in his novel Cannery Row. I pushed myself off the box I was sitting on and started to run.

Moments later I stopped dead in my tracks. The silence of the night was the only thing that accompanied me. The air was dense and humid. The wind was non existent. The clouds above me were thick and lustrous in the light of the full moon. There I was standing alone in the courtyard. There was no sign of him ever being present or near. Maybe I made the entire confrontation up in my consciousness. No. I could still smell the intoxicating fragrance of his cologne. He was there with me. He was standing right in front of me pleading with me to take the chance and leave with him. And I refused. "How could I just let him go?" I questioned myself as I searched around myself for someone... something... anything... anyone to give me an answer.

Realizing I was alone... again. I fell into the bench in the far corner of the courtyard under the large maple tree. Just a few months ago, the branches were naked and unhidden from the harsh winters that came to New England. Exposed and unprotected from the icy weather that was bestowed upon them. Yet they stood strong and survived. As they always had. Here it was the nearing the end of spring and the branches were rich with full green leaves. Small pink flowers were nearing their point of full bloom. I imagined the sapling that the strong, wise tree once was... desperate to survive its first winter and succeeding. If a tiny sapling could over some all misfortunes and all the obstacles the almost doomed the piece of nature to fail, to trounce all those things and become a resilient, adept tree... wouldn't similar qualities apply to people?

When I first met him... he seemed tainted... damaged. A broken spirit that needed to be restored like the original painting of the Mona Lisa or Starry Night only his spirit would help him live again. Conditions tore at their beauty causing visible wear and tear. With the help of a restoration expert they were repaired and whole again. Jess needed someone to complete him... someone to love him unconditionally... someone to drive him to be better and someone who would inspire him to change. He finally had. He came with open arms... vulnerable and free... ready to have the relationship we both dreamed of. Instead of restoring him, I exposed him to the elements and let them proceed to tear at him relentlessly. I should have gone when he asked me the first time... even the second time he pleaded. I shouldn't have tore him down to nothing and sent him away. I love him. I am still in love with him. I have to find him. I need to be with him.


	2. Reevaluations

A/N: First and for most I want to thank everyone who took the chance to read the first chapter of my story. I received a lot of helpful feedback that caused me to reanalyze this chapter before I actually put it out. Thank you all.  
  
To my feedback givers:

_Miriam Dickens_ - Thanks for the feedback. I was dying too. I was like just go with him. My friend & I argued for an hour about this. She's a R/D fan. Needless to say... I won that argument.  
  
_Magic em_ - I used to watch Dawson's Creek all the time. I never was a Dawson/Joey fan but was easily able to parallel Joey to Rory because the entire second season of D/C... Joey was doing the push pull thing with Pacey & Dawson... it sickened me. I just felt that this past season... actually the past 3 seasons have been Rory playing games with both Dean & Jess.  
  
_Mystyk-cryer_ - I'm glad that I got your interest. I hope you'll continue to read.  
  
_CaliforniaDreamer_ - I appreciate all the tips you gave me. I'm going to definitely work on everything you mentioned. I'm definitely trying to get the characterization thing down. I'm hoping it becomes easier as things develop.  
  
_Sarah_ - Glad you liked it thus far. I agree about the writers... Rory was so not in love with Dean. It was a territorial instinct I think. She always envisioned her first time with Dean... actually that's not true. I lied. She envisioned her first time with Jess because she actually talked to Lorelai about it. But it completely ruined the innocence of the character.  
  
_Dawn_ - I hope I can convince you otherwise. And I hope that you will like the way I develop this.  
  
_Smile1_ - There's more to come. I hope you'll stick around to read it.  
  
Disclaimer: Everything belongs to ASP & Warner Brothers. I own nothing.

* * *

I should be used to being alone by now. Out here on the road heading back to the one bedroom apartment I shared with six other guys. Had she come with me, we probably would have stayed in New York but plans quickly changed. I'm leaving this city and onto bigger things. The open road was going to be my new companion. I have no idea where I'm heading. Not a clue. If she was with me, the next few days... hell the next few months would be meticulously planned from sunrise to sunset. Every moment accounted for. That's how it was intended. I wasn't supposed to be alone again. This trip was supposed to be a shared journey of rediscovery. It was always meant to be with her... traveling alone this summer was never my plan.  
  
Here I am alone... the only company I have right now is the sound of my radio which is fading into the background as my mind becomes a jumble of thoughts and emotions. Yet again, I am left to figure out what I could have possibly done wrong this time. Nothing. All I did was ask her to come away with me. Cliché? I know. Big time. And I'm definitely not the cliché type. Ask anyone who has spent two minutes in the same room with me. Don't even remind me of the Norah Jones reference that is supposed to be associated with that phrase... I won't allow it. I will not let that moment become something out of a sappy romantic comedy. I will never let myself or anything I say become that cliché.  
  
Ever since we broke up... I did the growing up thing. I did the whole soul searching quest and I did change. I promise I did. I finally mastered the whole being-there-for-other-people-without-asking-questions concept she was always talking about. I swear I did. Hell I walked my mother down the aisle at her wedding to the same moron who tried to knock my head off my shoulders the night before at his bachelor party. For me that was a big deal.  
  
You know all the altruism crap... good will towards other... all a waste of my time. Really what was the point of changing when she couldn't even be there to see it? There was no point. I did all that reinvention, finding myself crap for what... a certified Gilmore kick in the teeth that's what.  
  
I thought that if I finally got my shit together... then we could be together. Who was I kidding? To think that I, Jess Mariano, could hold on to Rory Gilmore. I was a fool. Her exquisiteness, outside as well as in, should have been clue number one. She was... is... stunning. Her eyes were... are still... burning embers that can penetrate your skin and burn deep into your soul within a single moment of eye contact. Trust me. I should know. Her incredible intelligence, desire, and motivation destined her to be great. To accomplish amazing feats. She has. She will. And there I was failing out of Stars Hollow High, my senior year no less, working full time at the Wal- Mart in the next town over, part timing at Luke's and trying to hang onto the incandescent Rory . I must have been fucking kidding myself.  
  
Maybe if I had gotten things right from the very beginning things would be different. She would have come with me tonight when I asked her. She'd be sitting next to me right now. She would change the station on the radio until she found some annoying 80's music. Then she would turn the volume way up and start to sing the words. I would just sit there... smiling at her and laughing. I love 80's tunes. I honestly do, who doesn't love Aerosmith or AC/DC, but really how many times can I listen to the B-52's 'Love Shack' before I want to strangle someone or break something? I tolerated it though... for her. Only for her.  
  
We'd sit and talk about the last year. How life has really been treating us. At first she say everything was just 'peachy keen'... of course she'd only say it to quote Rizzo from _Grease_... but she'd still say it. Then we would dive into the real circumstances that surrounded the past year. She would rave on about Yale and the college life. I would tell her all about living in New York and my long awaited light bulb cartoon moment. After a while she would start to doze off and I could envision her resting her head on my shoulder. I'd slip my arm around her and hold her as close to me as possible without smothering her. She'd rest peacefully until I woke her when we stopped at a small diner for breakfast.  
  
We'd go in and order... she of course would start with her coffee and probably a stack of pancakes draped in maple syrup... I'd have a super six, which any one who has ever been to a truck stop knows its two eggs, two slices of toast and two side orders with a choice of hash, bacon, sausage, or fresh fruit. Although the fresh fruit isn't exactly appealing to anyone that drivers a sixteen wheeler for eighteen hours a day but it is nevertheless an alternative to all the grease. We'd plan out the next few hours of travel distance before we would stop again for lunch. She would take over the driving... and I have never let anyone drive my car but I would let her... so that I could catch a few hours of sleep.  
  
We'd travel like that for days on end until we finally found a small town or a big city that she liked. I had enough money saved up for an apartment and to turn on the essential utilities. Electricity. Heat. Water. Telephone. We wouldn't even discuss the cable issue. We wouldn't need it... at least not right away. Our nights would be well spent. After a long day of work for both of us, we'd come home and read to each other. Stay up all night discussing the literal and underlying meaning of the piece. The author's intentions for the readers. The plot itself. Until one of us fell asleep in the others arms... content... safe... relaxed. God, how could I have messed up so bad?  
  
The least she could have done was give me a second chance. Okay maybe more like third. But I was finally ready to be everything she needed me to be. She would finally be able to count on me. I blame her. If she hadn't kissed me first... who the hell am I trying to kid? If she hadn't kissed me, I sure as hell would have kissed her and I still would be head over heels in love with her. It's a good thing I'm having this conversation with myself. I have a reputation to protect. Reputation? What a fucking joke! Never mind, I don't have a worthy reputation or legacy to protect. Forget? Definitely the only option. Consider my past almost forgotten. Almost.  
  
Damn it! I don't blame her for saying no. I did this all wrong... twice. I told her I loved her... finally... after a year of being out of touch and then I got in my car and drove away. What the fuck kind of romantic gesture is that? I should have stayed. Waited. To see what she would have said. Would she have said it back? Who knows. But what right did I have to come to her after three months and ask her to put her life in my hands. None.  
  
God, how did I become such a loser on the boyfriend scale? That aspect of my persona is completely damaged. Shane. It was her and every other girl before Rory Gilmore. I mean they were simple. Insignificant almost. A distraction. Bur seriously what more did I expect? All that existed in those relationships was the endless groping and make out sessions. I never cared about any of them. Not that I could. They all had the intellectual capacity of an average twelve year old and not a single one of them could tell the difference between Fitzgerald and Hemmingway. And not one of them could hold a candle to Rory.  
  
Finally I pulled into the parking garage a half block away from my apartment in the city. I pulled into my regular spot on the fourth level and turned off the engine. I looked at my car. Examining every scratch. Every dent. The rust. The two toned paint job. I was just so fed up with my life and the direction it was going in. I lifted my leg and just kicked the front, left fender a couple times with my black steel toed boots before walking to the elevator that took me down to the busy streets of the city. You would think that at 3 am on a Friday night the city would be sound in quiet. In Stars Hollow it would be. It'd be calm and quite. The air would be still and cool. God, I missed the quiet nights in Stars Hollow. Thank god that was one of the few things I missed. But New York... it's alive and bustling. Even in the wee morning hours  
  
I walked with my hands buried deep in the pockets of my jeans and was in front of my building in two minutes flat. The plan was to pick up my things... the very few things I owned... and leave. That was my revised plan.

* * *

What am I doing? I asked myself one hundred times over. I must be crazy. I mean lock me up and take me to the asylum. I'll admit myself freely. I'll even promise to try and be as entertaining as Halle Berry was in _Gothika._ I'll even try and get my license to be a therapist before I commit myself. Robert Downey Jr could be my shrink who tries to help me. It will all be great fun. Much better than the movie. Minus the whole creep factor that the director and screenwriter insisted on adding.  
  
What else could possibly explain my reasoning? Insanity. Taking a taxi from New Haven back to Stars Hollow at 3 am. Psychosis. I had to be suffering from some sort of psychotic break.  
  
The entire cab ride I did nothing but think. Think about Jess and what he said and what he meant to me... what he means to me. I want him in my life again. And to go to these lengths to accomplish that feat. I must be neurotic. All I could contemplate was the next step.  
  
On a good day, when my head wasn't all muddled and bemused, I probably would have started a nonchalant conversation with the driver. Not tonight though. Not that he didn't appear to have some interesting tales to tell. Seriously, I've watched the _'Taxi Cab Confessions'_ on HBO about a hundred times. Okay a bit of exaggeration. Maybe I tuned in more like five times but still I'm sure not of his tales could top picking up three drag queens on 5th Avenue and driving them over to Broadway so they could meet their 'dates' for the evening. Let me mind you their 'dates' were three business tycoon types... definitely lookers... and they were going to see _Cats_. I will never forget the expression on the cabbies face when he saw the three guys. It was like the Visa Check Card commercials. Tickets to a Broadway show - $120... New Calvin Klein dress for the show - $300... the look on the cabbies face when three well dressed business men picked up 3 drag queens... PRICELESS.  
  
Before I knew it the taxi came to a stop in front of our destination. I handed the driver two twenty dollar bills for his services. "Thanks for the lift," I said as I climbed out of the yellow vehicle. "This can go down as the most uneventful ride you've ever given."  
  
"Not so much. I once picked up a mime for a street festival when I was driving in LA. His hand movements were just annoying. At least I know that you had something on your mind."  
  
"That obvious?" I asked as I crossed my arms across my chest.  
  
"Kid, you're not the first college student I picked up a 3 am to bring to some small time. Trust you won't be my last."  
  
"So was it the deafening silence or the staring out the window blankly?" I asked. I wanted to figure out what it was. I had to be ready with my best poker face to get the information I came for.  
  
"Good luck kid." He responded. He had obviously evaded answering my question.  
  
"Thanks." I responded as I watched the yellow car drive off into the night.  
  
I took a deep breath and turned around to face the building. Somehow it seemed different. I was receiving a completely different vibe. It was impossible. I was just here last weekend. Whatever. I didn't have time to dwell on the feeling.  
  
I walked up to the glass door, and despite the sign that indicated otherwise, Luke's was about to be open for some serious business.

* * *

"What the hell?" I could have sworn I was hearing things but I was wrong. Someone was downstairs at the diner banging relentlessly at the door. Calling my name. Lorelai. That was my first thought. But even I knew she was at home getting sleep. She had the test run at the inn tomorrow. Then again she could be up suffering from anxiety. She must want coffee.  
  
I kicked off my blanket and throw my legs over the side of my bed. I sat there for a moment with my head in my hands. I rubbed my hands over my eyes... forcing myself to wake up some more. I stumbled off the bed and felt my bare feet hit the cool hardwood floor. I staggered slowly towards the door and opened it. Before heading downstairs I looked at the clock. 3: 45. God damn it.  
  
I wobbled down the stairs. Hanging desperately onto the railing to hold my footing. The banging continued. "Hold on" I screamed. Secretly I hoped it was Taylor so I could beat the life out of him. I pushed my way through the curtain and made my way to the door.  
  
Imagine my surprise when I finally unlocked the door and found the youngest Gilmore standing at my door step. "Rory," I said acknowledging her presence as I tired to focus my eyes. She stepped right past me, into the diner. She appeared frustrated and out of breath. Something was definitely on her mind. "What are you..."  
  
Before I could finish my question it was answered. "Luke, I really need your help. And you know that I would normally go to my mother about this but she won't understand this. Definitely not this. Considering who it's about. I just really need your help Luke. I didn't know where else to go."  
  
I closed the door and showed her to an empty seat at the counter. I snaked around and turned on the machine. "Coffee?" I ask. It was more than understood that she needed a cup but I had to say something.  
  
"Of course."  
  
I turned around and placed my hands on the counter top to stabilize my balance. I was become more awake every moment. I had to carefully approach the topic. "Rory, exactly what is it you need help with?"  
  
She was struggling to find the words. I could tell. She wanted to ask me the right way. "I need to go to New York."  
  
Immediately I was thrown back. "New York?"  
  
"I have to... I need to..." She was stuttering in the way only a true Gilmore could. Lorelai did it all the time. Every time we fought she would start to stammer over her words. It was a trait that let me know she was annoyed... and nervous. But with Rory... it meant something life altering. I knew it.  
  
"Rory."  
  
"I need to go and see Jess. Tonight."

* * *

A/N: Taxi Cab Confessions was an actual series on HBO. I am not aware of an episode that aired as I discribed above... I made it up strictly for entertainment purposes.


	3. In Transition

A/N: First, sorry it took so long to get this chapter out. For me it was a tricky one to write. Second, thank u to me new kick ass beta reader who loved this chapter, without her u would never see this. LOL. So read, review & enjoy.

* * *

Its four o'clock in the morning and I'm sitting in Luke's diner waiting for my coffee to finish brewing. The aroma of his coffee beans covered the diner like a thick blanket. I never did find out what kind of coffee beans he uses, but mark my words, one day one of the Gilmore women will learn the secret. Well at least the hope was always there. My mother has always had her way with Luke. Maybe one day she would learn his best kept secret. On second thought... it's not likely. If Luke ever spilled his secret, he'd lose his big business. My mother and I.  
  
Surprised. That would be stating the obvious. He was definitely not expecting me to show up on the doorstep of the diner this early in the morning. So the awkwardness was most definitely present.  
  
"Jess? Wow," were the only two words that flowed from his lips. Not even a complete thought, but I couldn't complain. I woke him up in the middle of the night and if two fragments of a complete thought is his response, I'm happy. At least the silence is over.  
  
Wrong. The silence seemed to smother the entire setting again.  
  
I could tell he wanted to say something. I watched as he parted his lips every now and then as if he knew what he wanted to ask. The fear of the words coming out and being construed under the wrong subtext was probably the driving force behind the constant jaw retraction that kept his mouth tightly closed.  
  
"Luke."  
  
"Rory."  
  
"I think we established this earlier. Me Rory. You Luke."  
  
"Rory," he repeated as he poured the steaming liquid into a classic pale blue coffee mug.  
  
"Luke." I repeated his name. At this point I knew it was annoying him to no end but really it was entertaining at best. I had to do something to lighten the mood especially since I knew the conversation was heading toward an intense and sore subject for the both of us.  
  
"Jess." He repeated the name for the first time since his fragmented response to my going to New York.  
  
I nodded as I added two teaspoons of sugar and a touch of cream to the steaming beverage. Just like my mother. After all my love for coffee was courtesy of the queen of caffeine intake herself. I swear that woman drinks at least several cups of coffee daily. That's on a slow day. "Coffee's great." I mutter out after my first sip. "Exactly what my shrink ordered."  
  
"You're welcome." He said as he rested his hands on the counter and braced himself. Luckily I was the only one in the diner because poor Luke looked ready to topple right over. The dark circles under his eyes led me to believe that perhaps he was suffering from insomnia or maybe he was starting to become a narcoleptic. I mean he looked ready to pass out right then and there. Perhaps even sleep standing up. Did Luke sleep standing up? What a scary thought. Imagine Luke standing up – asleep - like Dan Akroyd in Coneheads. Nah. I've seen his apartment. There was no mattress straight up against the wall. Maybe he stood against the wall with no mattress and slept. Not likely. Oh well.  
  
Seeing Luke in a pair of grey sweatpants and a white tee. No baseball cap. That alone should have been a shock to my system. I think I've seen Luke in flannel almost everyday since I've known him with the exception of about five times when there was something important like my graduation and he wore a suit. However, he had the funky bed head hair. That was enough to shake the astonishment. Note to self: Comment on Luke's attire later. Mom would kill me if I missed the opportunity.  
  
I could feel my body start to tremble. Apprehension. Part of me was not ready to have this conversation. The other part was already half way to New York intent on finding Jess. I'd arrive at where ever he was staying and knock anxiously on the door...  
  
"Are you really sure?"  
  
"Huh?" He caught me completely off guard. I was deep in my thoughts about the next step. The future. My future. Jess. My future with Jess. All racing through my mind at once.  
  
"Going to New York. That's a big deal." He stated as he refilled my nearly empty mug.  
  
"Yeah," I hesitated to say. Why am I hesitating? This is Luke. Luke Danes. The man who's been in my life for as long as I can remember. I should be able to talk to him about stuff like this. Who was I kidding? Luke was and probably will never be the go to guy when dealing with emotions and relationships. But Jess is his nephew. Luke was the bridge that was going to help fill the gap between Jess and I.  
  
"This really isn't my thing Rory. I mean you need help building a shelf or moving boxes I'm the one you call but maybe you should..."  
  
"My mother won't understand this Luke. She'll wonder what Jess did this time that would cause me to go chasing after him. And yeah, I'll have to tell her eventually but I want to be well out town... maybe even the state before I tell her."  
  
"Are you sure this is what you want to do?"  
  
"It's crazy and completely out of character for me. I'm not the one that runs after people. I never was. But with Jess..." I did not finish my thought. How could I possibly put into words what it was like with Jess? I'm pretty sure that there are no words. I wrapped both hands around my mug. Bringing it slowly to my mouth, I part my lips and tilt the warm mug gently allowing the liquid caffeine to enter my mouth. I swallow hard allowing the warm liquid run down my throat. "Of course I'm sure." I finally spit out.  
  
He reached over to the antique looking cash register and grabbed a pen. He pulled a napkin from the dispenser then looked at me one last time. It was a look that he seldom used and I've only seen him do it a few times before with my mother. It signified that he was concerned for my well being but he knew that it would be much easier to help by giving me an address rather than sending me on a wild goose chase in New York City.  
  
I watched in wide-eyed anticipation as he pressed the pen against the napkin. A few quick strokes of his wrist and before I knew it the napkin was in front of me. Three lines of black ink filled the paper.  
  
"Just be careful Rory." He warned with a tone of genuine sincerity.  
  
I grabbed the napkin and shoved it into the pocket of my coat. "I promise." I assured him as I slid off the stool and headed towards the door with Luke not far behind.  
  
He opened the door before I had a chance to reach for it. He ushered me outside into the dimly lightened streets of a silent Stars Hallow with a single hand gesture. Once my feet met the sidewalk, I quickly pivoted to see Luke still standing there. "I'll tell Jess you said hi." He shook his head in amusement. If he laughed... I may have passed out. I'm not used to seeing Luke laugh or even being mildly amused at something so... so... so... girlie.  
  
I started to walk away from the diner and I was heading towards my car. Damn it! Damn it Rory! I scold myself. I just realized that my car was back at campus and I took a taxi here. Now I'm up creek without a paddle. I glanced over my shoulder to see if Luke was still standing there. Nope. The diner was dark again.  
  
I start walking towards town square, figuring at the very least, I can pull up a bench and think of what I'm supposed to do now. I can feel the dew from the grass against my ankles as I trek across the square and plopped down on the nearest bench. I searched around in my pockets for I don't even know what. Lo and behold, I pulled out my keys. Figures Rory. You have the keys here but you forgot your car. Idiot.  
  
I looked down the street and had the classic cartoon light bulb moment. I braced my hands on the edge of the bench and pushed myself up. Straightening my skirt, I started down the road... down a road that I had, metaphorically speaking, never been down before.

* * *

I have to do this. I really don't have another choice. I argue with myself as I approach the door to my apartment. She doesn't want you anymore. She made her choice. It's not you. Get over it. Move on. But I can't. I really do love her.  
  
I've never been the type that looks back and regrets the choices I've made or how I made them. Leaving without a word, without even saying goodbye. That's who I am. However, I do regret screwing things up with her to a point of irrevocable damage. At this point in my life – in our lives – we couldn't even be friends. So many things weren't done correctly or said when they needed to be said. Sometimes I wish we could go back to the way things were before all the angst that developed once we crossed that line. Who am I trying to kid? I loved crossing that line with her.  
  
I fumbled with my key as I unlocked the door to apartment. I examined the room. Dan was sprawled out across his mattress in the far right corner. Passed out from a night of partying with his sometime girlfriend Christine, who without a doubt was still out with her friends Tami and Sarah, looking for an after party. I shook my head. This was definitely a classic Friday night ritual.  
  
I looked over at the digital alarm clock that graced the counter next to the sink. 4:30. At anytime now, Todd and Chad would come through that door, inebriated – tripping over each other and everything on the floor – and loud enough to wake the dead. They'd turn on the small 13 inch television set, that Ben brought at the flea market, and play Mark's ancient Nintendo. I had to hurry and get out before they came back.  
  
I walked over to the far left corner where my mattress laid. I grabbed my large black traveling bag from the right side of my bed. I grabbed at the clothes that I had left on my bed from the days before and tossed them nonchalantly into my bag. I reached underneath my pillow and grabbed the latest book I was reading - The DaVinci Code by Dan Brown – that I picked up on an empty bench in Central Park. I hadn't planned on reading the book. I'm not into the whole religion thing but I enjoy reading and if I left that book there it would have been a crime. I shoved that into the top of my bag and surveyed the room, making sure I had everything that belonged to me.  
  
After a few moments, I was satisfied that I had everything I needed. I tossed the bag over my shoulder and started towards the door when lo and behold enter the peanut gallery. Actually more like two stars from Jackass but that wasn't the point.  
  
"Heyyyy Jesssssss" they managed to stammer out in unison. What a bunch of morons.  
  
"Bye." I say as I quickly try to leave. I have no patience for this kind of thing right now.  
  
"Wa – wait," Chad said as he pushed on my chest preventing me from leaving. "Wh – where arrre you going dude?"  
  
This is ridiculous. "I'm leaving." I say slowly so they were sure to hear me and possibly even understand the words.  
  
"Youuuu coming ba – back?" Todd stammered out slowly.  
  
"No."  
  
"Dude, wh – why not?" Chad asked.  
  
"I just have to leave. Now." I respond as vague as possible. "I just have to go."  
  
"Well," a scratchy mumbled voice called from the corner of the room, "it's been real Jess." Figures. Dan decides to jump in on a conversation as it starts to deteriorate into a deafening silence.  
  
"Yeah it has." I responded when the actuality of the situation was living there with these guys the past year has been the wake up call I'd been searching for. Living my life in a shitty apartment when I could have been living in Stars Hallow with Luke if I had just given my stupid pride up to save myself. I didn't, and it cost me everything I had. It cost me Rory. "I have to go now."  
  
"Dude," Todd replied in a more sober tone, "at least stay for one drink... a toast to you."  
  
"Not tonight."  
  
"Then at least stay while we," Chad said pointing between himself and Todd, "have a drink."  
  
I really should just play nice with these guys for the next ten minutes but I really can't get out of here fast enough. I have somewhere to go and somewhere I need to be. I could easily think of ten things I'd rather do that sit here and watch these two pour another drink down their throats... like burning a cigarette into my eye or take a dance class with Miss Patty. Hell I'd even sit through a round with Babette before I'd sit with these two while they further their quest to become completely obliterated.  
  
"I really have to get going." I insist. "I have to be somewhere and it can't wait," I lie. The truth is I still have no idea where I'm going. I know it's away. Far away. I like the idea of that place... wherever it maybe.  
  
I pass by them and make my way into the hallway when Todd calls my name out. "At least give us a buzz when you get where you're going." He began. "You know, so we know you're alive or whatever if anyone comes here looking for you."  
  
I nod my head and head towards the elevator. If anyone comes here looking for you. Right. The only person that even shows a partial interest is Luke. Even he barely makes the effort. It's kind of pathetic when you think about it, that it took my mother getting married for him to make any sort of contact.  
  
I finally make it back to the parking garage and my car. I open the back driver's side door and toss my bag into the seat before slamming it shut. I quickly open my door and slid into the seat. I place my keys into the ignition and turn them in place to start the engine. You can hear the engine kick over and the silence is drowned by the slight roar of the engine.  
  
This is it. I tell myself as I back out of my spot. On the road to a new beginning. Alone. That's the way it was going to be. I'm okay with that. Not really.  
  
I lied. I really wish that Rory was here with me.

* * *

"Curse the person who invented alarm clocks," I think to myself as I reach my hand around to search for the snooze button on that insane piece of technology that she made my buy. She told me that it would make me on time for things and I actually believed her. Now I see all the evil lies behind her making me purchase this. She resents me for making her watch Pluto Nash and Holy Man.  
  
"Shut up!" I finally yell at the machine as I find the snooze button. I stretch out across my bed as I realize that I do have to get up and start my day. I kick the covers off my legs and still I end up on the floor. I search for my slippers under my bed. I give up after finding only one.  
  
I start making my way downstairs and feel the need for coffee. I always feel the need for coffee. Luke's coffee will come later. My coffee now will have to be made by me. Too tired to form complete thoughts. Must have coffee now.  
  
I walk into the kitchen and I notice that my coffee maker is steaming. "What the hell?" I say as I walk over to the machine and examine it. It smells fresh. Looks fresh. Did I sleep walk and come down here and make coffee? No, couldn't be. I'm not a sleep walker. Maybe I've developed it without Rory here to monitor me.  
  
I pour my coffee in a mug from the dish washer. I add my cream and sugar then I set my mug down on the counter while I go to retrieve the paper from the front porch. I grab it and throw it on the table in the kitchen so I can get my coffee.  
  
"Almost there," I say as I prepare to glance through the paper, when I noticed a folded piece of paper on the center of the table with the word 'Mom' on the front. I smile. My Rory came to visit me and make me coffee. Awwwww.  
  
I unfold the piece of paper and proceed the read the note she left for me. I'm expecting to read some meaningless quotes from the last movie we saw together... hell I'd even settle for a vague comparison to the last book she read... and I would have been happy with a Jessica Simpson reference. The chicken or tuna line never gets old. But this. What I'm reading... complete opposite of what I was expecting.  
  
_Mom –  
  
I know that a note from me is the last thing you expected seeing as I'm supposed to be coming home today well... there's been a slight change of plans. Jess came to see me last night and before you start freaking out nothing happened which is why I'm leaving you this note. Okay that probably sounds bad but trust me on this. I have to go find Jess and tell him how I feel because Mom I really do love him. This past year I threw myself into school and tried so hard to forget how bad he hurt me and how much I missed just talking to him but last night he came to me and wanted another chance. I said no and as soon as he left I knew I was wrong. I said no because I was scared but being scared is what makes me know that this is real. Being scared helps let me know that he still makes me feel alive. He breathes life into me like no one else. I want the chance to tell him that. I need to tell him that. I don't want you to be worried because I am okay. Just make sure you're sitting down before you finish reading this. I really hope you're sitting down right now. When you go outside you'll notice your jeep is not exactly present. Well I kind of took your jeep. I left you the keys to my car in the basket by the door and my car is on campus. Long story and I promise when I call I'll explain everything. I love you mom. I'll call you later on today.  
  
-Rory  
_  
I just sat there with my jaw open as I finished reading the note. She was off looking for Jess with my jeep. My daughter with my jeep looking for Jess. Trying to process this. Really I am. I need stronger coffee. "It's time to go to Luke's," I tell myself as I head upstairs to get dressed. 


	4. One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

A/N: This chapter is not beta (I hope everything is okay my dear beta; I miss you). I spell checked, grammar checked, edited... and still I don't know if it's right. Oh well. Things are going to start heating up & quick so get ready. Read and review... its like air to me. : )

Disclaimer: I own nothing; everything belongs to ASP.

* * *

One of the hardest things that you have to do in life is admit your own faults. Being strong enough to admit that perhaps you were the one at fault and that you were in the wrong. That alone takes the strength and courage of ten men.

Why is it that we are tested throughout our lifetime?

Sometimes we are given the same test over and over again until we get it right. A do over. That's what this opportunity is... a redo. I got it incorrect every single time before but now I've been given the chance to rectify the entire situation. A chance that I never thought I would have again and am only now learning that if something goes wrong this time. I may be given another chance. But I don't want another chance... I want to get things right this time.

Why did _I_ get it wrong so many times before? Why did _we_ get it wrong so many times before?

I mean the entire situation was screwed up to begin with. I met him and all he was to me was _Luke's nephew_. That's it. The most I ever expected was friendship from him. Then I started to ask him if he could trust me and then he showed me his love for literature. A side of him I never expected to see. That alone should have been my first clue that I would be gone. The book thing was the hook, line, and sinker.

He was the ultimate bad boy... the rebel yet, he loved the world that each book created in his mind. There was just no going back after that point. I could talk to him about the concepts and views of Hemmingway, Fitzgerald, and Tolkin. I never met anyone that could go into the lengthy of a discussion about the naturalism that Steinbeck used in _Cannery Row_ or the similarities of the characters in all of his novels.

_That's when I started to trust him and around the same time I started to like him._

He seemed to always be there when I needed him. Like when I had to water the grass for the freaky new neighbor and I couldn't shut off the water. I was soaked running thru the streets and he helped me - even after I tried to push him in the other direction.

Then I started to count on him.

I was used to him being in my life. It was like I never knew a time when he wasn't a part of my day or made my life more exciting. That's what he did for me. That's what he always did for me. He always made my day, even when I was at my worst. He could make my day seem complete with one of his sarcastic, cynical, classic Jess lines.

I remember the night I was walking home after picking up some school supplies and he gave me back _my_ copy of _Howl_... after he put notes in the margins. He stole my book and put notes in the margins. _Who does that?_ Jess - that's who. It was one of the most thoughtful things any guy had ever done for me.

I was attracted to him.

Since the first time I saw him, I thought he was eye-catching but you know it didn't faze me. I had Dean. Dean was my boyfriend. Being attracted to someone else was completely normal because I knew... no I thought I knew... that the only thing that would ever exist between Jess and I was friendship. A solid friendship with the opposite sex that was completely innocent.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

I don't remember when I first realized it but somehow I knew that Jess was interested in more than a friendship. Maybe it was when he spent ninety dollars on my basket during the Bid-A-Basket Festival. That's probably when I first realized it. No. It was when he conveniently brought me a box of food from Luke's because my mom was out of town. He said it was from Luke but I found out it was him. He was worried I might starve. He wanted to make sure I had food. It was sweet.

God, I was head over heels for that man before I even knew it.

It's because of him that I'm doing this. I couldn't picture myself driving all the way to New York for anyone else but him. Is that weird? I think it maybe sort of weird. One thing is for sure: this is the most cliché my life has ever been. No contest.

It's all those movies mom made me watch. I blame her. She practically planted a crazy, romantic, cliché movie moment in my system. It's only right that she take part of the blame. Who am I kidding? I took part in those movies nights willingly. There were no guns or threats. I was an actively participating party. I take full responsibility for driving off in the middle of the night to tell the man I love that I do love him and I do want him in my life again.

God, Rory. When did your life turn into a cheap romantic comedy?

Too bad unlike a cheap romantic comedy I can't predict the ending. No matter how hard I try and trust me this is me trying. I've gone over every possible outcome of my declaration. Every time it's different. I can't expect a _Bridget Jones' Diary_ movie moment where I'm running down the sidewalk in New York and run right into his arms.

It's not going to happen.

For all I know, I'd tell Jess that I loved him and wanted to be with him more than anything else. I'd tell him that I was sure this is what I wanted... that he was what I wanted. He'd look at me... tell me that it's too late and I'd have to leave never getting what I came for.

Sounds vaguely familiar doesn't it?

I wouldn't hold it against him if he gave me a reaction like that. After all, I just did the same thing to him. How could I expect him to want me after how I treated him? He loves me. He told me so. That's what I'm going on here. I hope that he loves me enough to realize that we both made mistakes and that it's going to take work to make _us _work again but I hope he realizes that it'll be worth it. I know it is.

Was it really worth committing a felony though?

Definitely.

Leaving her a note and taking her jeep... not the smartest idea I've ever had. She probably found the note by now and right about now is making her way to Luke's.... on foot. Luke better have a rich, steaming pot of coffee ready just for her. She's going to need it. And I bet after this morning, Luke may be downing a few cups himself.

It's going to be a long, stressful day in Stars Hallow.

I'm just hoping that Luke will ease her into the details of our conversation. Or maybe he could be dependable Luke and not get involved. Maybe he'll mind his own business. Not likely. Luke has a definite thing for my mother and if she's upset about my leaving... he's going to tell her what he knows... you know to reassure her that I'm thinking semi-clearly.

Well at least he could assure her that I wasn't high on any type of narcotic or drunk. I was a little withdrawn but I was thinking clearly. I had a plan... I have a plan... and I'm so sure of what I'm about to do.

She'll be fine with this... eventually. Who am I kidding? This is Lorelai Gilmore we are talking about. Her reaction will be the furthest thing form normal. No matter if she understood or not.

She probably won't understand. She never liked Jess much. She more or less disapproved of my dating him... despite her efforts to prove otherwise. She never forgave him for the car accident when I fractured my arm. She fought with Luke because she was so mad at Jess and Luke didn't have anything to do with it. I tried to make her forgive and forget... I had. Not her. It just reaffirmed her hate for Jess and I wasn't even dating him then.

God, I fell bad leaving Luke to deal with the ramifications of my choice but if anyone can handle my mother... its Luke Danes.

* * *

It's seven o'clock in the morning and I'm walking to Luke's in my brand new cream colored heels that I bought last week at the West Field Shopping Center. I can't remember the last time I walked to Luke's. Actually I can and it was with my rebel of a daughter who stole my jeep.

_She took my jeep and went to see Jess. I_

'm still trying really hard to convince myself this is real. Maybe it's a really bad dream. Yeah, one in which my daughter steals my car and goes on an impromptu road trip to make unrequited declarations of love to her ex-boyfriend.

_She really took my jeep and went to see Jess. _

I'm still trying to process.

"Good Morning Lorelai."

"Morning Kirk," I manage to say back. Where the hell did that come from? I'm still trying to process something unbelievable and yet I say good morning to Kirk... humm? Something is definitely off about today.

Maybe I'm in the _Twilight Zone_ or everything is out of balance due to some bizarre cosmic alignment. I wonder what my horoscope says for today. Probably something along the lines of: _Beware. Betrayal is a common theme today. Be cautious of the ones closest to you because they may take advantage of a bond. Be wary of those who annoy you... the may offer you solace in your time of need._

I need a strong cup of coffee right about now.

Finally I reach the front of the diner. I reach of the door and push it open in one swift motion. I don't see Luke. I slide into a stool at the counter and place my purse next to me. I still don't see Luke. It's time for a drastic approach.

"Luke!" I yell hoping he hears and comes running. I could hear him stumble down the last few steps. I'm pretty sure he may have fell. Yet he appears from behind the curtain unharmed. He shot me a look when he realized it was me that yelled.

"Lorelai, you couldn't wait five minutes for me to get back downstairs," he berates me as he walks behind the counter and stops in front of me.

"You don't get to yell at me today. I need a strong cup of coffee and your ear so you better be quick about the coffee situation." I demand in a sterner tone than usually. I wasn't about to be yelled at for getting his attention. He had no idea what my morning was like.

His eyes narrowed before he turned around to get me a mug and poured the smoldering liquid into it. He placed it in front of me. "What's up with you today?"

I don't answer him at first. I want Luke's coffee in my system before I even try to explain this. I lift the mug to my mouth and let the liquid slide smoothly down my throat. Heaven. "Where do you want me to start?"

"The beginning would be a nice change of pace."

I rolled my eyes as I took another sip of the addicting liquid. At least several more cups of this were in my future before ten o'clock. Too much? Excess? I think not. I deserve a nice coffee binge after what I woke up too.

_She just took my jeep and went to New York to see Jess. _

Why is this so hard for me to believe? Probably because my Rory is not spontaneous like this. Wow. That was more information than before. Maybe it's finally starting to seep deep into my brain so I can't forget.

"So I wake up to an alarm clock and I can't remember why I have it. Then I get to thinking and I recall Rory making me buy one. Then I start thinking of all the reasons why she would make me buy such an evil piece of technology..."

"I don't have all morning Lorelai."

"My daughter stole my jeep." I blurt out. Simple beginning. It's going to lead to him asking why and I get to tell him because his nephew placed crazy ideas into my daughter's head.

"I don't even think I have to ask the next question."

"She went to go see Jess." He doesn't look surprised. Why doesn't he look surprised? What the hell is going here? I tell Luke something that should send him into a tailspin and he doesn't look flabbergasted. What happened to the Luke that used to freak out about Rory and Jess going off to make out? Who is this standing in front of me?

"Oh." You have got to be kidding me. This is most definitely not Luke.

"Hold on a second. 'Oh'? That's all. I tell you that Rory stole my jeep and went to go see Jess and all you can manage to say is 'oh'." Something weird is definitely going on here and I get the feeling that he knows more than he's leading on.

"Was I supposed to have a different reaction?"

"What do you know Luke?"

"Nothing Lorelai. Nothing."

"You're lying. You have guilt face."

"Guilt face? Where do you get this stuff?" He says as he leaves his post from behind the counter and refills the coffee mugs of the few patrons that had made their way in before I did.

"See I know you know something. I can tell. You aren't being very Luke like."

"I haven't said anything to you that I wouldn't say on any other day." He insists as he goes back to his post and starts to jot a few things down on his notepad.

"You said 'oh'."

"I'm sorry," he says as he looks up from his paper, "I didn't know that I wasn't allowed to give one-word answers. I'll be sure to clear it with you next time."

"Don't you dare do that Luke. I know you. You know something."

"For the last time I don't know anything Lorelai."

"Why do you insist on lying to me? I tell you my kid just takes off without a word to go find your nephew, who nearly destroyed her life..."

"Don't go there, Lorelai."

"Don't go where Luke? You saw her everyday after Jess just took off and you have the nerve to tell me not to go there."

"I'm not doing this with you."

"You are so doing this with me."

"You're disturbing my customers."

"I haven't even begun to disturb them but keep avoiding my questions and you will see how disturbed they get." I yell as my voice reaches an unpleasant level. I've never been this loud in Luke's before but goddamn; I deserve to know what he knows.

He leans into me hard and in a low, heavy tone barks out a line of commands. "Keep your voice down."

"Fine," I bark back in apparent defeat but this round has only begun. Trust me I'll win. "Are you going to tell me what you know?"

"Give me a second." He said as he tossed down the rag that he had acquired at some point during the time he was refilling coffee mugs and all but yelled at me to keep my voice down. I watched him retreat back into the kitchen. One of three things was happening and I'm quite certain that it didn't involve Caesar and whip cream... at least not at this hour.

I sat there in silence and attempted to finish my coffee in peace while I waited for Luke to come back. So not happening. I could feel their stares piercing my flesh. I was starting to sweat. God, couldn't people find something better to do than stare at me and pick up the dialogue exchanged while Luke and I argued. There wasn't a doubt in my mind that by nine, Babette and Patty would be at the inn trying to console me after my blowout with Luke.

God it's going to be a long day.

I just finished my last sip of coffee when Luke decided to reappear. I watch, as he refills the cup, no questions asked. I like when we fight... I get refills without asking. Two points for me. "Thanks." I manage to spit out. I need to play nice now. Too many people staring. Not to mention I need to come here later and again tomorrow.

He just nodded his head... no verbal response. This was not necessarily a good sign. Then again this was Luke like. Under the circumstances though, I knew he was about to tell me something that would be equivalent to dropping an atomic bomb in my universe. "So what do you know that I don't?"

"What do you know?"

God, he's annoying. "Rory left me a note. She mentioned something about Jess coming to see her - some kind of declaration was made on his part I guess – and she rejected him. Now she changed her mind and wants to tell him to his face."

"And she took your jeep?"

"Yeah." I say as I go back to work on my coffee. I'm going to need lots and lots of caffeine. I know I'm going to. His face is full the what-I'm-about-to-tell-you-may-make-you-want-to-cause-me-bodily-harm look.

"I knew Rory was going to go see Jess."

"I figured that much out all by my lonesome."

"Rory was here a couple hours ago. We talked. I gave her Jess' address. She left."

"You gave her what?"

"I figured she was going with or without the address so giving it to her saved her from driving around the slums of New York by herself."

"And that makes me feel so much better."

"Lorelai."

"You should have stopped her or called me. You didn't have to encourage her to go after him."

"I did nothing that extreme. You know me... I don't do the emotional in-depth conversation pieces."

"That's exactly why you should have called me. Luke, I could have..."

"Stopped her?" He offered. "Not likely. She was going with or without your approval."

"You still shouldn't have let her go."

"What did you want me to do? Tie her up until you got here? Lorelai, she's nineteen years old."

"She's still my daughter. No one gave you parenting rights Luke. You aren't her father."

"I've been more of a father to that girl than Christopher has and you damn well know it." I rolled my eyes. Luke had a point. He's been there for Rory more times than I can count. He was like her stepfather except Luke and I never got married... hell we've never even dated. "I care about Rory and what happens to her. If she wants to go off to New York by herself to go find Jess and tell him whatever she has to tell him, then I say go ahead."

"That's not the point Luke."

"What is your point then? Because I sure as hell don't know."

The bell on the door to the diner rang. Great another customer to bare witness to my discussion with Luke about my rebelling daughter - this is fantastic. People need to find another diner in this town or better yet venture out of town. I hear Hartford has a lot of great breakfast diners... go there.

I was about to tell Luke my point when I noticed that his gaze was focused on the door. Please. Please let it be anyone but her. That would just be the icing on the cake of my morning if it was her.

I glanced over my shoulder to see who or what he was gawking at. I wanted to fall to the floor and die right then. Just strike me dead right now. I can't even form a single word. I keep opening and closing my mouth to say something –anything- nothing comes out. Not even the sound of me swallowing so hard I think I might throw up.

"Did I come at a bad time?"

* * *

Bad time? That was obvious as all hell. Yet I still felt the urge to ask. Was it appropriate? By the looks on their faces – hell no. They are just staring at me like I'm a zombie from the fucking _Thriller_ video. What the fuck is going on?

I wanted to come, eat and leave. That's all I wanted. I wanted to be like one of those retarded animated grasshoppers in _A Bug's Life_. They come, they eat, they leave. I'll never forgive Rory for making me watch that stupid movie. It sucked so much that it left a permanent scar. So deep that I had to make a reference to it. That's it. I'm so sending her an angry letter that says how watching that cartoon destroyed my life. I'll put that on my list of things to do when I get my shit together.

Two cliché movie references in less than two minutes - I need to get out of this fucking town and fast.

"Listen, I just came to...."

"Why aren't you in New York?" Luke asked. What kind of question was that?

"Am I supposed to be in New York for some reason?"

"You're going back right? Just tell me you came here to get something from upstairs and then you're going back." Lorelai asked. What the hell is this? Now Lorelai cares about where I am. I get it.

"I didn't come here to see Rory alright?"

"Jess just please tell me you're going back to New York when you're done talking to Luke?" This is complete bullshit. I came here to tell Luke that I was leaving New York and going to find somewhere else to live for a while until I got my shit together and I get welcomed by Lorelai who already wants me half way to the fucking moon.

"No. I came here to tell Luke that I was leaving New York."

* * *

This is it. I made it here in one piece. A whole me is here. Two points for me. I'm nervous. Should I be nervous? I shouldn't right? This is just him. It's not like I'm getting ready to knock on Johnny Deep's front door. He's in no way even close to being the star of _Edward Scissorhands_ – even though sometimes his hair reminds me of Johnny's in that movie – so not the point.

It's just him. Not a big deal. I've knocked on his door before. I've dragged him down stairs before. I've dragged him down and around streets before. Hell I even dragged him to my grandparent's house for a Friday night dinner. I could do this.

Oh god. I can't.

I'm not ready for this. I'm no where near ready for this. This is a big deal. This is _Independence Day_ – _Armageddon_ - end of the world big. I have to tell Jess – face to face – that I love him. That I want to be with him.

I don't think I can do it.

I lift my hand and make a fist. Before I knew it I banged slightly on the door. God Jess, please answer. I waited a few moments and was about to knock again when a guy that I didn't recognize came to the door.

"I'm sorry to bother you so early; I was just looking for Jess Mariano. His uncle told me this was his address."

"It was," the guy answered as he scratched the flesh underneath his chin leaving a red mark.

"Was?"

"Yeah up until a few hours ago. He just left."

What the hell? "Did he say where he was going?"

"Nope. Just that he would call when he got where he was going."

I wanted to slump down to the floor and cry. I poured my heart out to Luke, stole my mother's jeep, I left her a vague note, and I drove all the way here to tell Jess I love him – and he's not here.

Is this some kind of cruel joke?

If it is the universe officially sucks! I mean sucks beyond a point of no return. I thought _Intolerable Cruelty_ was just a movie until this very moment.

"If you talk to him or see him or – you know what? Never mind. It's not important." Why should I let Jess know that I came? He's not around and who the hell knows when he will actually get the message that I came... so what was the point. "I'm sorry I bothered you." I say as I start to walk away.

"Wait," the man called to me and followed me down the hall to the elevator, "I know you from somewhere."

"I highly doubt that one." I say as I push the button for the elevator.

"No. I've seen you before. I know I have."

Thank god the elevator doors opened. "Why don't you keep racking your brain trying to figure it out and I'm going to leave." I stepped onto the elevator and turned to watch the doors close. They were taking way to long to close.

"That's it," he yelled as the doors continued to close the immense gap, "you're the girl from the picture." Picture? I've only been gone three hours and my picture is already on the news. Damn that woman works fast.

"The girl from Jess' wallet," he spit out just as the doors closed shut. That's when I heard him yell, "You're Rory."


	5. Illusions

**Disclaimer:** All characters and almost all the places mentioned are property of the wonderful ASP although I wish I owned Jess/Milo and the Lit story line… sadly it's all hers.

Sorry it's been so long since my last update. I've been really busy finishing up my senior year of high school and I had a lot of internet issues over the past year. This chapter has not been beta-read. I haven't talked to my beta in a long time – I miss you beta. So if anyone is interested email me. I hope you all enjoy. I've rewritten this chapter like 5 times and I have two more ready. Enjoy and thanks for your patience

* * *

I like to consider myself someone who's been through it all. I've seen a lot of bad things in my lifetime and I've seen a lot of good but this – this scene right now – perhaps the worst thing I could ever bare witness too. 

"You're what?" I asked just to make sure I heard him correctly. I needed to make sure I heard him correctly - my life could depend on it. My life did depend on it.

"I'm leaving New York." He repeated. At least my hearing is still intact but I'm not sure how many of my senses will be working once she gets through with me. Good thing I'm not at the top of her hit list.

"Jess, you should…"

"No Luke," she said as she cut my off mid-sentence. Surprisingly her voice reached an unusual level of equanimity. Not good. "Jess doesn't need to do anything. Let him say what he has to say then he can be on his way. We all know that saying things and running away is his specialty so…"

"Lorelai!" I yelled her name. She had to be stopped. Jess was trying so hard and he finally had his life pretty much together. He had a steady job and a place to live. He was really proving to be everything I knew he was capable of being.

"What? I'm just speaking the truth the god's honest truth."

I knew exactly what she was doing and it wasn't a good idea. "Lorelai, don't do this."

"No. She's right Luke." I could tell by the expression on his face… this is the last place he wanted to be right now. But agreeing with Lorelai… that was taking it to the extreme.

"See? He agrees with me. Now just let him finish."

"Upstairs," I direct him. It'll be much easier to talk to him away from Lorelai. I watch as Lorelai shot him a look and he disappeared behind the curtain. I started up after him and it didn't surprise me that she was in tow.

"No," I turn around and say to her, "you are staying right here."

"But…"

"I know what you're trying to pull here and you need to stop right now. Stay down here."

"This is the perfect opportunity Luke. Rory is going to go to New York and Jess is here… she'll feel abandon, alone, and realize that it was a mistake to even think about getting involved with him again."

"That's not fair. He had no idea Rory was on her way to go see him."

"But we don't have to tell him anything. Rory - she'll come home and be heartbroken but she'll get over it eventually. She'll be fine. Luke I'm begging you… don't tell him anything."

I couldn't even begin to rationalize her reasoning. I couldn't even dignify her grade school antics with a response. I just shook my head and disappeared from her view.

I started mumbling to myself... repeating what Lorelai had said in a mocking undertone. "Luke, don't tell Jess anything. He doesn't have to know. Rory will get over it. Please." This was absolutely ridiculous. But really what was I supposed to do? I think – no I know – that Jess has a right to know what's going on.

Damn. I thought there were a lot more steps.

I took a deep breath before opening the door. I wasn't surprised to see Jess just sitting at the table with his left leg outstretched. Silence blanketed the room. God this was going to be the longest day of my life.

"So," I said trying to start up the conversation.

"So."

"Leaving New York?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"I need a change."

"Listen," I said as I sat in the vacant seat across from him, "I know what happened last night."

"Great," he said as he threw his arms from the table down to his side and rolled his eyes.

"Jess, you don't have to be…"

"No I'm not talking about this with you," he said as he got up from his seat.

"Jess," I said following his lead, "I'm not trying to do the emotional bonding conversation with you."

"Really? At least we got that much clear."

"We don't need to talk about it."

"Fine."

"Fine." I repeated. This was not going well at all. He had as much of a right to know what Rory was planning as Lorelai did but getting a decent seg-way into that was not going to be easy.

"I just wanted to tell you I was leaving so you wouldn't have to drive all the way to New York to find out that I wasn't there."

"Rory did." That's the only thing I could think of and I regretted saying to almost immediately.

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing." I said desperately trying to cover up the slip of my tongue. I wanted the seg-way and I got it. It just all came so fast I didn't have a chance to think.

"No Luke, you need to tell me what the hell is going on around here."

"Nothing."

"Your jaw nearly dropped when I came in the diner; Lorelai was acting stranger than usual and – just tell me what the hell is going on."

"You should stick around for a few hours."

"I should what?"

"If you just stick around I can almost guarantee everything will work out."

"Do you even hear yourself?"

"Okay maybe I can't guarantee it will work out but it could be worth your while to stick around for a couple hours."

"What kind of drugs are you on?"

"I'm not on anything."

"Are you sure? Because a few months ago you were dishing out this self help bullshit – talking about how communication is a two way street – give me a break."

"Hey I wasn't the only one reading that book."

"And how are things with you and Lorelai by the way? You two were awfully chummy last night… did you two?"

"No."

"No?" He asked with a cocked eyebrow.

"No." The truth is something could have happened with Lorelai last night. I mean we are heading in that general direction and I want to continue on that path. I could have… but I need to take things slow. Not the point. Focus here. Jess and Rory. Rory and Jess.

"Ironic isn't it?" He asked as he folded his arms across his chest.

"What?"

"Me and you."

"Huh?"

"Both in love with certain members of the same family."

He was right. It was definitely the best and worst kind of ironic that my nephew and I were both in love with Gilmore women. At least if things worked out for the both of us we would have an understanding of how fickle and strange they really were. On the other hand, if things worked out for one of us and not the other… talk about the awkwardness. Holidays would be the furthest thing from normal.

Silence.

"What do you want more than anything Jess?"

"You're serious?"

"Humor me." I wasn't going to get an answer out of him I knew that but I was ready to try anything. He started to shift his weight back and forth between each leg and he avoided eye contact with me at all costs. He's just like me with the not expressing emotions well thing. "It's a good thing I know the answer to that question."

"Do we really have to do this?"

"Do you trust me Jess?"

"Will you leave me alone if I say yes?"

"Maybe."

"Fine," he answered in a less than enthusiastic tone. "I trust you," he mumbled.

"Then just stick around for a few hours. You could get some sleep it looks like you haven't sleep in days."

"It's been a long night." He said running his fingers through his hair.

"Yeah I know."

"I could use a few hours of sleep."

"Good. I'll be downstairs."

"I know."

"Alright," I said as a nodded. He nodded back as I shut the door to the apartment. I shook my head as I headed back downstairs to the diner. I walked through the curtain and I wanted to choke her.

"What do you think you are doing?"

"Coffee?" she answered innocently.

I took her arm in mine hand and lead her out from behind the counter. "I have two rules Lorelai and one is that you never go behind my counter."

"I needed more caffeine. It's been a long morning."

I laughed. "Long morning? You're kidding right? I woke up at four o'clock this morning to Rory banging on the door to my diner and listened to her explain her ordeal with Jess. Then I didn't even bother going back to bed, I got ready to open the diner. Only to have you come barging in, screaming at me, making demands for coffee, arguing with me in front of my customers… making a scene."

"Luke."

"I'm not finished yet."

"Luke."

"Then my nephew, who I've listened to you insult over and over again, comes here to tell me that he's leaving New York and going to places unknown after I sent Rory after him, followed by you trying to fix it so that Rory doesn't see him again and vice-a-versa. You were trying to keep Jess completely out of the loop when you knew that it meant a great deal to Rory to see him again."

"Luke."

"And I'm just getting to the best part – I go upstairs to talk to Jess and try to carefully talk him into sticking around for a few hours without telling him that Rory went after him per your request. You know nothing about having a long morning."

"Well at least you avoided making a scene."

I looked around the diner and I could feel my face start to turn fifteen different shades of purple. Everyone was staring at me. Here I was screaming at Lorelai for making a scene earlier with only a few customers… I had a diner full of people and I was almost screaming at the top of my lungs.

"Luke, dear, maybe you should take the day off," Miss Patty said as she broke the deafening silence that covered the entire diner upon Lorelei's last comment.

"It sounds like you've had a rough morning doll," Babette started as she rose from her seat, "Come on everyone we'll go over to Al's and have some pancakes."

Before Kirk left he came over to the counter. "Luke, maybe you should come to my counseling session tomorrow night."

I reached over the counter and grabbed at his shirt. "Kirk, if you want to live to see tomorrow you'll never mention anything along the lines counseling or therapy to me again."

"Luke," Lorelai said as she helped Kirk free himself from my grasp. "Stop it."

"You're lucky that Lorelai was here," I yelled to him as he hurried out of the diner – stumbling over his feet falling. He couldn't leave fast enough. "I feel better now."

"What did you go and do that for?"

"I felt like it."

"You can't go around and bully people Luke."

"I've had a rough morning Lorelai. The last thing I need right now is you lecturing me on how I'm supposed to treat people."

"I'm sorry for trying to be your friend." She said as she slid off her stool. "I'm sorry that I thought we could go through this together and I'm sorry for even bothering." She grabbed her purse off the counter and stormed out the diner.

"Damn it!" I yelled as I slammed my fists against the counter. This was not going well at all.

* * *

I was so naive to think I could just go to New York and Jess would be wanting with open arms to greet me. I can't believe that I was so stupid. I just keep thinking that maybe if I had left sooner I would have gotten to him before he left. I would have been able to tell him – stop Rory – don't do this to yourself. 

But the picture…

He kept a picture of me in his wallet. Did I even know Jess had a wallet? And what picture? We took a bunch of pictures together when we dated but I don't think we ever took a picture of just me. Unless it was one of the poses from my senior pictures that I got done at Art Rich.

It was sweet and so unlike Jess that I wanted to… I don't know. Jess was never the most emotional available boyfriend but God, he made up for that in every other area of our relationship. We could talk for hours and the kissing… let's just say I'll never ever forget that aspect of our relationship.

He gave me the best kiss I've ever had.

I wiped the tears that were left on my cheeks away and took a deep breath as I continued to make the drive back to Stars Hollow. I just needed to stop thinking about Jess – about Jess and me – about what ifs – about last night…

I need some music.

I reached over and pressed the power button on the radio. It figures that my mother would leave it set to KISS FM but damn I hate this song. I mean seriously how many times can you hear _Everytime_ before you literally want to slit your wrists… trust the video is not just a concept.

I need to change the station. I set it to scan as I let it stop on each station for a few seconds before I finally stop it on STAR 99.9.

_I will remember you_

_Will you remember me?_

_Don't let your life pass you by_

_Weep not for the memories_

I let the tears roll down my cheeks as my mind flashbacked to the entire time I spent with Jess: the first time Luke introduced us…

_Remember the good times we had_

_Let them slip away from us when things got bad_

_Clearly I first saw you_

_Smiling in the sun_

_I want to feel your warmth upon me_

_I want to be the one_

…when he stole my copy of Howl… when he out bid Dean for my basket… when he jumped into my sleigh so I wouldn't be alone…

_I will remember you_

_Will you remember me?_

_Don't let your life pass you by_

_Weep not for the memories_

…our day in New York – the first time I ever skipped school and I'd do it again in a second – just to have that day with him…

_I'm so tired that I can't sleep_

_Standing on the edge of something much too deep  
_

_Funny how I feel so much yet I can not say a word_

_We are screaming inside oh we can't be heard_

…our first kiss at Sookie's wedding…

_I will remember you_

_Will you remember me?_

_Don't let your life pass you by_

_Weep not for the memories_

…us fighting at Doose's Market… the dance marathon… our first tryst in Luke's apartment…

_So afraid to love you more afraid to lose_

_Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose_

_Where once there was darkness, a deep and endless light  
_

_You gave me everything you had_

_Oh you gave me life_

…our first dinner at my grandparent's house… when he told me the exact distance from Stars Hollow to Yale…

_I will remember you_

_Will you remember me?_

_Don't let your life pass you by_

_Weep not for the memories_

…the first time he told me he loved me…

_I will remember you_

_Will you remember me?_

_Don't let your life pass you by_

_Weep for the memories_

_Weep not for the memories_

God, I miss that so much.

And then I think of everything we missed out on doing together: he didn't take me to my prom… he missed my graduation… the first time we – you know – our first time – my first time was supposed to be with him. God how I wanted it to be with him.

I miss him so much.

I let the tears roll freely down my cheeks as I crossed the state line back into Connecticut. Another hour and I'd be back in Stars Hallow where everywhere I turned I'd be reminded of Jess. Is it odd that everywhere I turn I'm reminded of Jess?

No.

Jess is the great love of my life and I keep thinking that I'll never get the chance to tell him that. Our timing always seems to be off but when we finally think we got it right – things were great. They were perfect, mind blowing, exciting… they always were and if we ever get to that point again – they always will be that way.

I don't think I'll love anyone the way I love Jess. He completes a part of me that I didn't realize I needed to be whole. He'll always be the one I reach for at night when I'm alone in my bed… the one I go to call when I've had a rough day… the one I think about during the day… the one I dream about every night.

God, I need him.

_I don't need a lot of things_

_I can by with nothing_

_Of all the blessings life can bring_

_I've always needed something_

_I've got all I want _

_When it comes to loving_

_You're my only reason_

_You're my only truth_

_I need you like water_

_Like breath, like rain_

_I need you like mercy_

_From heaven's gate _

_There's a freedom in your arms _

_That carries me through_

_I need you_

_Your the hope that moves me to courage again_

_Oh yeah_

_You're the love that rescues me_

_When the cold winds, rage  
_

_And it's so amazing_

_Because that's just how you are_

_And I can't turn back now_

_Because you brought me to far_

I got so distracted by the song and how true it rings to how I feel about Jess; I almost missed the exit to get home.

Home.

Probably the last place I want to go right now. My mother is going to ring my neck. Maybe she'll give me a break when she finds out that I went there for nothing. Nope. Then she'll really try to kill me.

As I drive through town, I don't even want to think of stopping anywhere but home. I want to see my mother… I want to explain to her everything… I want her to offer me solace in my time of need then I want her to tell me she'll yell at me later when I'm feeling up to it. I needed the norm right now more than anything.

I pulled right up to the house and stopped the jeep in its proper place. I turned the engine off and took the keys out of the ignition before climbing out of the jeep.

She must have heard me pull up because as I start up the porch the front door opens and there she is standing with her arms folded tightly across her chest.

"Thelma," she says.

"Louise."

"You know you're not supposed to go on any road trips without your other half."

"Mom, it wasn't pl…"

She cut me off mid-sentence. "I'm so glad that you're okay. I was so incredibly freaked out." She wrapped her arms around me so tightly I could barely breathe.

"I'm so sorry mom," I said as I returned the gesture and hugged her tightly. I never wanted to let go. I was safe – I was protected in her arms – nothing could touch me.

She pulled away. "You're alive and you appear to not be broken but that look on your face…"

"I drove all the way out there to tell him I loved him and he wasn't there mom." I broke down into tears. "I wanted to tell him that I wanted to be with him… that I couldn't love anyone else the way I loved him… and I went to his apartment and he wasn't there."

* * *

I lead her into the house and directly into the kitchen. I sat her down and I sat right across from her … holding her hand as she prepared to tell me the entire story. 

"I don't even know where to start to tell you what happened."

"I have a synopsis of what happened last night – your conversation with Luke, which I'll have to talk to you more about later – and I know that you took off. Rory talk to me babe… tell me why you decided to go and get all spontaneous on me."

"Last night when Jess asked me for another chance, I turned him down right away…," I could see the angst in her eyes as she started to relive the events of the hours before. I hated seeing that constant hurt and pain in her eyes but what else could I do? I had to let her get it out… holding it inside wasn't doing her any good.

I just squeezed her hand to let her know that I was still there and was ready to listen to whatever she had to say. I wasn't going anywhere.

"I tried to convince myself it was because I was completely over him and I needed to move on with my life but mom, as soon as he left, I realized how stupid I was being. How could I not give _him_ another chance? How could I not give _us_ another chance?"

"Babe because he hurt you before; you can't count on him."

"That's the thing – I can Mom – he promised me that I could count on him now."

Oh no. He was already starting to reel her in with his empty promises. She was going to get hurt again if she had found him – it's a good thing that Jess wasn't there when she was. "Don't take this the wrong way but Jess' word doesn't mean squat to me."

"But it does to me. Mom, this past year I spent it alone trying to figure out if I was ready to move on with my life – trying to find the right guy to move on with. Then the whole Dean thing."

"What whole Dean thing?"

"I watched him marry Lindsey and start his new life with her… I was jealous."

"Babe you have no reason to be jealous of their marriage."

"But Mom I was. I was so angry that Dean was able to get over me and go on with his life. God, Dean was getting married and all I could think of was how lonely I was without Jess."

Oh no. This is bad. She still has it so bad for Jess and it has been over a year. "Maybe you were just envious because you know Dean was your first boyfriend and…"

"I thought that maybe that was it at first. I thought that maybe I was still in love with Dean and that's why I was jealous of his marriage to Lindsey."

"But you're not in love with Dean?"

"No. I told myself that I was in love with Dean to protect myself from Jess. He is the one person that makes me feel whole… I can't and won't love anyone else the way I love him. Mom, he's my soul mate."

My head is just spinning at this point. "Rory, you're nineteen years old… you're not supposed to be thinking about who you're meant to grow old with it's not like you're Mandy Moore's character in _A Walk to Remember_ and you're dying. You have your whole life to live and find your soul mate." I am really trying hard to convince her that she is wrong about Jess, mostly because I don't want to be wrong about Jess.

"Mom, I don't need to search and find my soul mate… I already met him and I already love him and I already know that I want to spend the rest of my life with him."

"You know maybe Jess doesn't feel the same way…" I was starting to grasp at straws that weren't even there. I was that desperate to try and make her see otherwise.

"He told me last night that he knew we were meant to be together the first time he saw me two years ago."

"Oh Rory." God, Jess. Why did you have to be the one she feel head over heels in love with? Why did you have to be her _soul mate_? Why did you have to be her _destiny_?

"And you know what?"

"What babe?"

"I knew it too." After she said that I watched as she hung her head down in disappointment – a classic Rory trait. She always did that when she felt that she had messed up really badly. "But it doesn't matter now because Jess is gone and I may never see him again."

I watched her eyes turn cold and empty. She really did love Jess and she really wanted to be with him more than anything else. Seeing Jess and being able to tell him all those things she just told me was important to her. I couldn't be the evil mother that took away that chance. No way was I being the evil stepmother from _Cinderella_. "Sometimes things have a funny way of working out."

"Yeah well I have my doubts."

"Why don't you go down to Luke's and grab a real breakfast while I run to the inn?" I can't believe I'm actually encouraging her to go down there. I know that there's a ninety-nine point nine percent chance she's going to see Jess but it's because of her that I'm encouraging this. She has to see for herself if Jess and her were meant to be forever. I can tell her all I want but it won't change a thing.

When did I become Dr. Ruth? Oh wait, that was the sex doctor… I meant to say Dr. Phil with all my self-help therapy I'm dishing out. My next book will be called _Playing Matchmaker for Your Children: a New-Aged Approach to an Outdated Ritual_. Focus Lorelai.

"I could just come to the inn with you."

"No, I want you to have a real breakfast. Go. Order some pancakes and I'm sure Luke will add anything you want – and coffee – come on you know you want a nice hot cup of Luke's coffee."

"Well that does sound good."

"Fantastic," I said as I grabbed her arm and pulled her from the chair. I started dragging her towards the door.

"Mom, at least let me take a shower and change out of these clothes before you force me to mingle with the townsfolk."

"Good idea," I said as I hurried into the living room and grabbed a clean bath towel out of the laundry basket. "Upstairs. Fast. Change. Luke's." I demanded as I shoved the towel at her and pushed her up the staircase.

"What is wrong with you?"

"You know how Luke is… no breakfast foods after noon so you need to hustle if you want those pancakes."

"I'm cutting off your coffee intake woman because this," she said waving her towel at me, "is boarding insanity."

"Whatever is going to please you," I say with a plastered smile on my face. "Now go hurry."

While Rory took her shower, I decided to put some laundry away. I grabbed the basket of unfolded clothes off the couch and placed it on the coffee table. I just let my body fall back into the couch and let out a long sigh.

"What a day!" I tell myself as I sit up and reach into the basket pulling out another towel and began to fold.

"Mom," she called as she descended from upstairs, "do you know where my black rock-star boots are?"

"That was fast," I said as I glanced up at her from my new issue of Cosmopolitan at her, "and they should be in your closet." I watched as she rolled her eyes and headed towards her bedroom. I threw my magazine to the other end of the couch and followed.

She was on her knees digging through the endless pile of shoes that covered the bottom of her closet. "Ahaha," she shouted as she pulled the boots from the closet.

"Told you." She rolled her eyes again. "You look awfully dressed up to just go to Luke's." She was wearing a pair of dark blue flared Perry Ellis jeans, a white netted halter top under a short black jacket. Her hair was crimped and her face was all done up. She looked like she just stepped out of my magazine.

"I just felt like getting all done up," she argued as she finished putting her boots on, "it's not a big deal." I gave her one of my who-are-you-trying-to-impress looks. "No one Mom."

"I didn't say anything," I defended myself as she passed by me and headed towards the door. "Its just I don't see why you got all dressed up – its not like you're on your way to meet Jess – or did I miss something? The last I knew which was about a half hour ago you were so in love with him you couldn't see straight."

"Mom," she said as she turned around and looked at me face to face. "I just needed to do something… anything… that was going to keep people focused on me and while they are focusing on me… I'll be focusing on me and I won't be focusing on Jess."

"You totally lost me after Mom but whatever is going to make you feel better," I encouraged. "Now you go – give Luke my best – and I will meet you later. Dinner?"

"Tacos?"

"Chinese?"

"Pizza?"

"Pizza," I repeat, "Excellent idea daughter of mine who I love to the depths of my soul. We could go to the West Farms Mall and do the shopping thing."

"I second that plan."

"Good." I said nodding with a smile on my face as she leaned in and kissed me on my cheek.

"I'll see you later," she said as she walked down the steps of the porch and instead of taking the jeep – opted to walk to Luke's.

I watched her walk to the end of the driveway before I went back inside. I knew I would see her later but I also knew that we would not be sharing a pizza or shopping. She was going to Luke's and she was going to run into Jess – they would probably talk and sort things out – before I know it they'll be kissy-face all over town again like the past year hadn't gone by.

You know what? I don't even care anymore.

I'd rather see Rory with a smile on her face everyday then see that heartbreaking look in her eyes. She really did love Jess and even though I hated to admit it – Jess cared about Rory a lot – he probably does love her.

Who wouldn't?

I feel a little better… at least she won't spend the day sulking either here or at the inn with nothing to do… she'll see Jess and the next few months… years of her life will change.

I can't do a thing about it.

I guess I missed the part of the parenting manual that said sometimes you just have to let your child learn from their own mistakes. If in fact this turns out to be that. For all I know, Rory is one hundred percent right. Maybe Jess is her soul mate – maybe he is her destiny. God won't I look like a jackass if after all this Jess turns out to be the one person who will always be there for her from this point on. With my luck, Jess will turn out to be the man who protects her and takes care of her for the rest of her life.

God, I need to get away from this teenage drama. I need Sookie… Michel… and work. I need to work. The inn… it's opening tomorrow. Oh god another thing to worry about.

* * *

Really? What was I thinking allowing Luke to talk me into staying to get some sleep for a couple hours? I'm such a moron. I should have just grabbed some food and left. I was insane to think I could spend a few more hours in this town. 

Although he did spike my curiosity when he said that _'it could be worth you're while to stick around for a couple hours'. _It was definitely not the only contributing factor to me staying. The fact that I think that he may be under the influence of large amounts of crack-cocaine or another type of narcotic is another.

But he mentioned Rory when I told him that I didn't want him to drive all the way out to New York and not find me there. He responded with _'Rory did'. _

Now if you were me and then you asked about it but got some weird ass answer instead of him just directly explaining what he meant… you'd be suspicious of what he meant as well. I could have done it the easy way and listened in on the conversations he was undoubtedly having with Lorelai downstairs earlier but hell I don't follow half the conversations those two have. And to nitpick for information… forget it. Not happening in this lifetime.

So I did try the sleeping thing… I really did try hard but I can't get Rory and our past and what could have been our future out of my mind. It's all I think about – it's all I've been able to think about since last night – since the day I took off last year. I can't do anything without thinking – what would Rory think of me if I did this or would Rory still love me if I did that or would Rory be proud of the man I've started to become in light of being on my own – all those questions and not a single answer.

If she had taken me up on my offer, I would have told her everything that I did the past year… everything. I would have explained every detail and I would have asked her point blank what she thought after I finished telling her what I've been through. I always hoped that she would tell me that she was proud of me and that she loved me anyway.

I'd never get the chance to ask her.

I glance over at the clock on the wall. It's almost twelve. I've been here way longer than I intended. I just need to get my stuff together, grab some food and leave.

I swing my legs off the far end of the couch and feel my feet make contact with the hardwood floor. I lift my upper body off the couch and rest my head in my hands for a moment before getting up. I walk heavily over to the bathroom and look at my reflection.

I'm not the same person I was this time last year. Not even close.

I was an inconsiderate punk who thought everything would work out in his favor because it had so many times before – that was until the bottom fell out. Which it always did. I never doubted that.

But I finally grew up. I'm still a punk at heart but I'll be damned if I haven't changed the way I present myself to certain people. Granted… I haven't shown this town I've changed… they never gave me the chance to prove them wrong so why should I take the time to prove them wrong?

I shouldn't.

I walk over to the chair and grab my jacket. I slipped my arms into the roughly broken in leather and straighten the collar to my liking. I walked towards the door to the apartment and opened it. As I stepped out, I took one last look around. This was my home… my only home.

Screwed that one up royally.

I walked down the stairs and pushed the curtain aside. I called to Luke before I actually was in view and stopped moving my jaw as soon as I saw who was sitting at the counter. My heart stopped and I couldn't move even if I tried.

* * *

Art Rich is an actually photography studio in Watertown, Connecticut 

"I Will Remember You" Lyrics are property of Sarah McLachlan

"I Need You" Lyrics are property of


	6. Everything Old is New Again

Disclaimer: If I had any rights to the show lets just say a certain character cough cough Dean cough cough would have left a long time ago and our beloved Jess would still be here. Sadly, the reality is I own nothing, I have no rights – they all belong to ASP, whom I'm praying will one day in the near future resurrect the Lit story.

And I want everyone who hasn't yet to go and rent "Winter Break"... Milo + shirtless worth the money for rental fees : )

** A/N: **This chapter switches from first to third person but you'll know what part it is. Jess maybe a lil OOC as is Rory but I think it was needed to make this chapter work. Thanks and Enjoy!

* * *

Twenty minutes earlier…. 

For all her faults, my mother is one of the most intelligent people I know. A trip to Luke's for some pancakes was definitely an inspired idea. Note to self: thank her later.

The feeling of the sun light beating against my face was equivalent to the best wake up call I could ever had. It was a new day – time to start fresh. Well not exactly a new day but it was time for a new beginning. Hence the outfit, the make-up, the hair; All signify the beginning of the new me.

I forgot how much I missed doing this – being home – and just walking around town. It's amazing how things that didn't seem to matter before now make all the difference. I stopped in front of Gypsy's. She was busy with her head in the hood of Tom's truck… she wouldn't even know I was there.

Just for a second I wanted to relive that moment… that night... that kiss… everything about that night was incredible. I was just standing there with my hands shoved in the front pockets of my jeans when I heard someone calling my name.

"Rory," the accented, raspy voice called, "is there something I could help you with?"

"I'm sorry Gypsy," I said as I adjusted the weight between my feet, "I was just thinking."

"About?"

"Nothing," I said shaking my head, "Good luck with Tom's truck." I said as I turned on my heel to walk away.

"You look good Rory," I heard her yell to me as I headed to the diner.

I really hate to admit this but I kind of liked the attention and it definitely had served its purpose. The townsfolk were focused on me and I was focused on me… I wasn't even thinking about Jess. Well except for my stop at Gypsy's to relive that night but other than that… complete focus on myself.

Finally I reached the front of the diner, it looked different in the morning with the vast emptiness and the closed blinds and the locked door but full of people and chaos… I wouldn't have it any other way. I reached for the door and walked in. I could feel the stares – it felt like sharp daggers piercing my skin.

Glancing around the diner, I was searching for an open seat. I see Kirk and Lulu at a table in the corner, Babette and Miss Patty whispering in one of the booths, undoubtedly about my appearance today, I'd bet anything on their way out they'd make a comment to me.

I settled on a seat at the counter. I slid carefully into the empty stool and waited for Luke to appear from either the kitchen, the backroom, or from behind the curtain. If I had to take a bet right now, I'd say that he'd come from the kitchen – almost time for the lunch hour rush.

Two points for me.

Luke appeared from the kitchen with his notepad in hand… jotting down a few notes. He started walking the length behind the counter and stopped in front of me. Without looking up he asked, "What can I get for you?"

"The usual."

"Good to hear and that would be," he said as he glanced up then down again. He didn't even recognize me… maybe it was because he hadn't made eye contact yet… I'll give him a minute and maybe he'll catch on.

"How about a cup of coffee and a nice stack of blueberry pancakes?"

"I just had Caesar switch to the lunch menu," he said pointing back to the kitchen and then he finally started to look up at me. "I'd be happy to get you anything off…" He stopped mid-sentence. He knew it was me now. "Rory?"

"Luke."

"Rory?"

"If you really want to do this again it could be arrange but I think we did enough of this Tarzan/Jane exchange for one day."

"Wow!" He said as he did a double take and shook his head. "You look…," he said bracing his hands against the counter. He was at a loss for words. This really wasn't that surprising Luke and compliments don't usually go well together.

"Thanks."

"Going somewhere special?"

"Just around town for the day."

"Do I want to hear about New York?"

"Oh you mean the part where I drove all the way out there and he wasn't there. Yeah tons of fun."

"I'm sorry Ror," he said as he handed me a steaming mug of my favorite beverage.

"It's not your fault," I said as I took a taste of the hot liquid and swallowed hard.

"Maybe Jess had a good reason for not being there."

"Luke, I appreciate what you're trying to do and it means a lot but don't try to make this easy," I explained. Luke was trying so hard… no one wanted to place Jess as the bad guy and I didn't see it that way. Things just weren't meant to be this time. "Jess wasn't there and you know maybe it was a good thing... maybe the timing was just not there."

"You never know," he began as he refilled my mug, "things have a funny way of working out."

What was going on? Why was Luke giving me the same line my mother gave me? What do they know that I don't know? All these questions… no answers. "That's hilarious."

"Why?"

"My mother said the exact same thing to me about an hour ago. It makes me think you two know something that I don't."

"No. No. Why would you think something like that?" He was blushing – stumbling over his words – he was most definitely lying to me. The question was why and about what. Me thinks there lays a conspiracy within the relationship between Luke and my mother.

"No reason," I said as I nodded my head and took another sip of the delectable coffee.

"How about those pancakes you wanted? Blueberry right?" He said as he started towards the kitchen.

"I thought you said you're only serving lunch now," I asked with a raised eyebrow. Something was definitely wrong about this whole situation.

"For you, Rory, anything," he said as he placed his hand near his mouth and yelled to Caesar, "Stack of blueberry pancakes. Pronto."

"Thanks Luke," I said with a smile.

"Anytime," he replied as he braced himself against the counter, "How's your mother?"

"Fine. She was kind of freaked about me taking off without telling her."

"Can you blame her?"

"No," I answered. This was the opening I needed. If I start in on the Jess-angle now maybe I could squeeze something – anything out of Luke. "But I'm surprised that she didn't want to kill Jess after I explained to her everything." A small smirk spread across his face. "Aha!" I yelled and pointed at him.

"What?"

"You are so unbelievably busted. You and my mother know more about this Jess thing then you're leading on."

"No," he said shaking his head.

Light bulb! "Oh my god," I said as I placed my hand over my mouth. "You both know. I know you know. It all makes some sort of weird sense now. My mother with the not freaking out and practically shoving me in this direction and you with the smirk when I said mom didn't want to kill Jess. You both know where he is or at least where he's going."

"Rory, I have no idea where Jess is going and if I knew where he was I would just tell you."

"Yeah sure buddy," I say as I slid off my seat and headed towards the door.

"What about your pancakes?"

"I'll be right back Luke. Promise." I said with a devious smile as I walked out the diner.

"Rory dear," I hear a soft, spoken voice call from behind me. I've been spotted or followed. I turn around and see Miss Patty. Followed. "You look exquisite. Special occasion dear?"

"No Miss Patty," I answer with a smile on my face. I think I maybe blushing. A moment later Babette joined us. No surprise there.

"No offence doll," Babette starts in, "but the getup is a little – what's the word I'm looking for Patty – extreme?"

"Over the top. You know for just for a day in town," Miss Patty corrects her trying to make it sound nicer, "Are you meeting someone special?"

"No."

"We thought you were all dressed up to see Jess, you know he's…" Babette said as she nudged my arm.

"Well," I began before stopping mid-sentence. Back up. Jess? How'd she know about Jess? Better yet who knew about Jess? And New York? And last night? "Wait a second, what do you know about Jess?"

"We thought Luke told you," Miss Patti started in.

"Or even your mother," Babette finished. "They had a huge spat over it a few hours ago. Whole town saw it. Taylor mentioned something about it being the topic at the town meeting Thursday night."

"Why is Taylor having such a cow over my mother and Luke arguing about Jess? It's not the first time it's happened. Then again this is Taylor Doose."

"Yeah," Miss Patty admitted, "but then again if Jess is moving back, then Taylor does have a point. It needs to be discussed."

"After what he did to you," Babette began.

"He went to California to live with his dad," I jumped in to defend him.

"I was talking about the whole I-love-you-drive-by darlin' but if you want to talk about that one we can," Babette deadpanned.

"Hold on!" I yell so I can have a second to process everything. Too much information. Jess. Moving back. This can't be true. No way. "Jess is moving back?"

"We're not exactly one hundred percent clear on all the information," Patty continued.

"But give us an hour and we could have you all the details," Babette offered as a consolation.

"Thanks ladies," I said as I turned and stormed back into Luke's diner. He wasn't in view so I just walked right behind the counter and into the kitchen. "Luke!" I yelled to get his attention. He was helping Caesar make some cold sandwiches.

"What are you doing back here?"

"Oh no, no, no. See I should be asking you the questions." I argued as he escorted me out of the kitchen.

"You are starting to sound like your mother."

"Like it's a bad thing." I pulled my arm from his grasp and turned to face him directly and braced myself to continue this most unusual but necessary scenario.

"It's currently being debated." He responded with his usual sarcastic monotone as he placed a stack of freshly cooked blueberry pancakes in front of me for my convenient disposal. Too bad that I was so not in the mood for a classic stack of blueberry pancakes carefully accented by whip cream and an assortment of blueberries and raspberries, two of the five fruits I consume sporadically.

"Why didn't you tell me about Jess?"

He turned and looked at me as if I were Oedipus and just solved the riddle of the Sphynix. Okay so not the most original analogy I've ever come up with but I'm completely burnt out. "How'd you find out?" I wanted to burst out into a fit of laughter. He had to be joking – please tell me he's joking.

"Come on Luke. This is Stars Hollow."

"Babette?"

"And Miss Patty. I'm also pretty sure Kirk might have said something too but I'm can't be one hundred percent positive," I replied with a severely sarcastic tone laced heavily with anger and frustration.

"Your pancakes are getting cold."

"Why didn't you just tell me Luke?"

"We – I thought that…"

"Wait who's we?"

"You know who we is Rory."

"One of you should have just told me about it."

"Well we – I thought that if you ran into Jess on your own maybe you two could just talk or I don't know. I mean there was always the chance that he would leave before you got here but he didn't and…"

"Wait Jess is here? As in here right now? As in in the diner here?"

Now he just looked like he'd been hit with a shovel. The look of perplexity on his face was just completely overwhelming. "Wait, I thought you said…"

"Babette and Patti mentioned that Jess maybe moving back to Stars Hollow never during the entire exchange of words did they mention Jess being here right exactly now."

"Rory."

"No. Jess is here and you neglected to tell me. After everything we've been thru Luke especially after the verbal barter this morning and you just decided not to tell me. How am I ever supposed to trust you with anything like that again? I thought we were friends. I thought I could count on you especially for something like this. I guess I was wrong." Okay so maybe the last few lines were unnecessary and honestly I do feel really terrible that those sentences actually came out of my mouth with the hostility they had especially directed towards Luke.

"Rory."

"No, it's okay. I get it now. You couldn't even give me the benefit of the doubt and tell me that Jess was even here. No instead you keep it from me in order to what? Protect Jess?"

"I was trying to protect both of you. After everything that has happened, it was better for me – and your mother – not to interfere."

"I don't know what your definition of 'interfere' is but not disclosing information – that's interfering." I stressed the last phrase. "It's not like I didn't tell you this morning how I felt about Jess and still you keep me in the dark. Locked in the back of the closet like a red-headed step child minus the red hair and the closet."

"Now you're being ridiculous Rory." He retorted as I placed my elbows firmly onto the counter and intertwined my hands. "You can accuse me of withholding information but you know that I'm not the guy to interfere in anyone else's business."

"Just please tell me why you kept this from me?" I pleaded as I rested my head into my hands. I'm going to stay like this until I get an answer that satisfies me – that's the least I deserve at this point.

"Because…"

"He didn't think I'd be here when you got back."

This was a joke right? Please just tell me I imagine that entire line and please tell me that it came from Luke.

Not with my luck.

Immediately my focus was redirected towards the curtain at the sound of his voice. I could feel my eyes widen as my brain began processing his image. The blackness of his leather jacket, the way his white tee shirt hugged his torso, his scruffy hair, his hands tucked into the front pockets of his jeans, his lips…

I could feel my body start to tremble from a serious of electrifying tremors that overwhelmed my very essence. My breathing – almost nonexistent at this point – was extremely restricted. My heart was racing faster than ever before. Put it this way, if my heart could grow legs and be in the Olympics – it would take home the gold.

I feel like I'm glued to the stool and I can't move any part of my body.

I just saw him last night but it was like I hadn't seen him in years. My reaction right exactly now would be expected if I saw him like five from now. Not at this moment – this very moment.

* * *

I should have just stayed behind that curtain and let her leave – angry at Luke for neglecting to tell her I was even in Stars Hallow – but the poor guy has put up enough today to last him a year. 

Safe.

I was safe – hidden in the shadows – away from the light – away from her radiating light – I was safe. My heart wouldn't have the chance to be shattered into a million more pieces – but from what I over heard of the exchange, which was almost everything after 'your pancakes are getting cold', that wasn't the case.

To say she was surprised to see me would be an understatement. She was – is – what's the word I'm looking for bemused? Taken back? Scandalized? She was scandalized.

I couldn't blame her – me being here is definitely not what she expected – but its not like… it wasn't like…. oh just forget it. I'm too fucking tired to think of anymore cliché movie references. I could use a shot of vodka right about now or a hole in my head – either one at this point.

* * *

"I – I – I can't believe you're here," Rory finally managed to spit out after spending a few moments stammering over her words. She tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear and bit the bottom of her lip as she stared at Jess. 

"I was on my way out now," Jess admitted. He was uncomfortable. He shifted his weight back and forth between his feet as he kept his hands tucked in the front pockets of his jeans. His focus shifted between Rory and the floor.

"Now?" He nodded to affirm the answer she already knew. "But you just got here – I just got here – we could…"

"Let's just leave things the way they were Ror."

"Will you at least stay for five minutes and talk to me?"

"I think I've heard all I needed to hear from you."

"Jess, just listen to her – it's the least you could do for the girl before you take off again," Luke insisted as he tried desperately to keep his role as peacekeeper. As much as Luke was emotionally unavailable for certain things, he genuinely wanted things to work out between Rory and Jess.

"Fine," he agreed hesitantly as he walked towards the door to the diner and swung it open. "Ready?" Rory nodded her head and slid off her stool. She picked a lone blueberry off her stack of pancakes, smiled at Luke, and exited the diner as Jess followed close behind.

They walked side by side in a deafening silence until the reached the front of Stars Hallow High School and they stopped simultaneously – each letting out a long drawn out sigh. They just stood and stared at the façade – waiting and hoping the other would have the courage to speak first.

"It's ironic isn't it?" Jess began after a few moments and Rory just turned to him. "Standing here at the place where I first started to fuck up my life." He took his finger and scratched a spot just above his right ear. "Funny how I get to end things – the right way – at the very same place."

"Things didn't have to end the way they did – I think you know that now."

"Doesn't change things though," he said as he scrapped his sneaker across the broken pieces of tar, "you're still ivy league and all I have is a piece of paper that isn't even close to equivalent to that fancy Chilton diploma of yours."

"You got your GED?"

"Yeah," he deadpanned. "Turns out you can't really do much with out one of those."

"You did good."

"I did it for you." She turned to him as a look of confusion flooded her face. "To prove to you that I could be the guy you thought I was."

"You never had to prove anything to me. You are who you are. The rebel. The bad boy who loves books. The guy who paid ninety bucks to have a lousy picnic lunch with me while I was still with my current boyfriend."

"Holding a grudge?"

"More like holding onto those memories," she paused for a moment as she contemplated whether or not to say what she wanted to next, "…and not wanting to let go."

"We can't get that back Ror – we're on completely different paths."

"That's not what you were saying to me last night – in fact I think you said something about knowing we were meant to be when you first met me two years ago."

"Oh that."

"Yeah that – did you mean it Jess or we're you just trying to get me to leave with you?" He didn't answer. Instead, he shuffled his boot against the broken tar. "I'll take that as a yes you did mean it."

"I didn't..."

"I felt it too." He took his focus off the ground and looked straight into her eyes. He knew deep down that she felt it – that she knew it too. But hearing her actually say those words – it threw him. The high he was feeling at that very moment – better than any illegal narcotic could ever give him. He was sure of it. "It took me longer to realize and longer to accept but I knew it. I always knew it."

"Rory don't do this – not now." As high as he felt on the inside, he knew that this could never work the way he wanted it to. Rory had Yale and her ivy league dreams – he loved her dreams and her determination to reach them – but all he had was a life that could offer her no guarantees except him.

"Last night you asked me to come live with you in New York – I can't live with you in New York and from the information I've acquired you no longer live in New York – so that proposal pretty much nonexistent right now."

"Good point."

"I thought so." She replied with a smile. He smiled back. "You also said that you wanted to be with me – I was wondering…."

"Yes."

"Good because I…"

"Rory, last night changed things between us. You refusing to come with me forced me to put a lot of things into perspective."

"I don't think you're getting this."

"I got it Rory – we can't be together – you don't want to be with me."

"That's not…" She tried to refute as tears began to build up in the corner of her eyes.

"The truth is I'm not sure I want to be with you anymore."

"So that's it?" She argued as the tears began to cascade down her cheeks. "You don't even want to know what I have to say to you or what I'm feeling or how about the fact that I drove all the way to New York last night to see you or that I changed my mind but I guess you don't have the time to listen to anything I have to say."

"You came to New York last night?" He responded trying to act shocked.

"Yeah." She replied in an angry huff as she crossed her arms across her chest.

"Why?"

"Don't act too surprised – you know I'd do anything for you," she argued as she wiped her tear stained cheeks. "Besides Luke told you."

"He may have mentioned your name in association with the idea of traveling to New York but it was a slip of the tongue. He tried to cover – didn't work well – and you know me with my suspicions."

"All to well."

"Mean."

"You had it coming."

"Touché."

"Bet your ass touché."

Jess did a double take. He no longer recognized Rory. "Wait a second here." Yes. She was always sarcastic and was right on with the right clichés at just the right time but never that bold when it came to him. "Who are you? What have you done with Rory Gilmore?"

"Still same old me with a new outlook on life plus bonus kick ass new wardrobe complete with accessories and the attitude to match."

"I'm feeling the Sarah Michelle vibe. You'll hear no complaints on this end but when did you become such a punk?"

"I learn from the best."

"Agreed."

They both laughed for a moment before stopping – exchanging glances – wondering if it was okay – appropriate – for them to be laughing – together – like this. An awkward overdrawn silence settled over them as they stood there. Neither knowing how to resuscitate the conversation.

Rory knew that there were so many things that she wanted to discuss – so many things she wanted to say. She wanted to tell him everything about the night before from the moment he left her dorm to this very moment. Then she began to rationalize and fear set in. The fear she thought she conquered had once again settled into her soul preventing her from saying everything she really wanted to say.

After a few deep breaths, she regained the nerve to at least start to explain herself. "I wanted to tell you I changed my mind. By the time I got there, it was too late."

"The thing about being too late is there is no such thing. Especially when you get the opportunity to say all the things you've been meaning to say."

"Romantic and poetic? How did I manage to miss that?"

"Won't be repeated."

"Not expecting it to be. Though it would be…"

"Okay maybe once in a while." He smirked.

They just stood there – together – and exchange the warmest smiles and the most fulfilling laughter but the tension was still there. If you minus the scene from last night and the 'drive-by-I-love-you' as Babette so eloquently described it, things between Rory and Jess were exactly the same.

Although, their conversations used to be carried by a heavy debate about books or watching "Almost Famous" for the third night in a row or whether to order Chinese or Indian take out. It was amazing that even under these type of circumstances they were able to go back to a place – to that place – where above all else they were friends… where they were equals.

There was an empty bench next to the cluster of trees to the left of the building. Jess started in that direction and Rory hesitantly followed his lead, not sure of exactly what was going to happen next. They each adjusted themselves so they were sitting comfortably; well as comfortable as humanly possible considering they were sitting on a concrete block.

Jess sat rubbing his hands together between his knees with his feet planted firmly against the tar. Rory sat next to him with one leg crossed under her and allowed the other to sway freely. Everything around them became so still they could hear the faint breeze around them.

"We had some really good times," Jess recalled as he broke the silence.

"The best."

"Do you remember the Distiller's concert we went to?"

"Vividly," she breathed out heavily, "I mostly remember the whole not hearing right for the next three days and the angry message I left on your answering machine before hand, which I told you to delete."

"Yeah something like that."

"You listened?"

"Couldn't help it."

"I'm sorry about that. Were you mad? If I were you I'd be mad and you'd have every right to be mad?"

"Don't you ever apologize for that night." He looked straight into her eyes, the way he always did when he had something important to tell her. "You made me realize that what I already knew… you deserved – deserve – so much more and much better than I could ever give you. I was an asshole. That message was a long time coming."

"You really were," she agreed and to which he responded with a disappointed look in his eyes, "sometimes anyway." She smiled and he flashed back his devilish smirk. "We went through a rough patch."

"We could have saved time jumping off a bridge. Much quicker."

"Pavement or water?"

"Pavement. Swan dive."

"Could work unless there are high winds in which case your body could be carried and wrenched then you could just break a few bones – then the whole much quicker thing – not so much."

"Noted."

Their verbal exchange came to a halt. Really where were they supposed to go with a conversation that consisted of such a somber tone. Though both had to agree, that a hypothetical swan dive could have saved them both a whole lot of heartache.

The silence was slowly eating away at both of them. However, neither knew how to restart the conversation. Fortunately, the incessant growling in Rory's stomach was the segue she had subconsciously begged for.

"Food."

"Excuse me?"

"I need food – the whole being up all night and not eating thing – so not me."

"I remember. I did serve you at Luke's every now and again." He chuckled.

"Right." Rory replied as she tucked her hair behind her ear.

"You want to get some lunch?"

"Luke's?"

"I was thinking somewhere outside of Stars Hallow."

"Really? Where? Do they serve coffee?" Rory asked in one breathe… too excited about going elsewhere for food with Jess. The norm for them consisted of ordering take-out or eating at Luke's – they never really went out to eat – and anywhere outside of Stars Hallow was never fathomed.

"Yes. Not telling. Most likely." He teased as he stood up from the concrete bench.

"Mean." She argued as she took his lead and did the same.

"Coming?" He motioned with his head.

"Dirty."

"Rory."

"I had to – you left it wide open," she defended. Jess shook his head and started to head away from the building. She hurried and when she was in front of him called out, "Already half way between here and there – wherever there is."

"The car might be a good place to start."

"Point taken."

"We really have to come up with some new lines."

"Agreed." She answered with a smile.

* * *

Why did you do this to yourself? Seriously Mariano, what the fuck where you thinking? You know she's just going to say how she wishes things could be different but her career takes precedent over you. Just a bunch of bullshit excuses because she is scared. But you already knew that you moron. 

Why did you set yourself up for failure?

I know why I did. I always know why I do the things I do. There is only ever one reason – she's my weakness. She scares me more than I could ever imagine. Being without her scares me more than I ever thought possible.

Get that mushy love shit out of your head. This is not you Mariano. Never was. Never will be.

What ever happened to come, eat, and leave? Okay this will never be repeated out loud but even I know that deserves a classic 'dirty' tag. The relationship thing was never my forte but I never had to deal with being in – you know – that 'L' word before. So all of this is new for me.

I almost wish that I could take everything that just happened back. Then I wouldn't have to deal with the disappointment later. Disappointment was inevitable for one of us. It would probably be me. Good thing I've prepared myself for it. Who am I kidding? I'd be pissed as hell if she broke my heart for the second time in 24 hours. That's got to be some kind of record. Leave it to Rory to break it. She would always be a record breaker - no matter what she did.

Finally we reached my piece of shit I like to call a car. She just looked at it. What the hell was she doing? An inspection? "Are you going to at some point get in the car or are you just planning to stare at it?"

"That's a new dent," she said as she pointed to the front left fender.

"Freak." I mean it in the best way possible. I swear I do. Remembering what I looked like is one thing but remembering dents in my car is another. She's a freak but I love her.

"And proud of it." See she's not even trying to deny it. She takes the title with pride and grace. "I'm just saying the dent is new. Bigger than the other dents. What happened?"

"The car had it coming."

"Which car?"

"This car. It was just sitting in the parking garage with its two toned paint job and the rust - something had to be done to set it straight."

"You punished your car for being the way it was when you bought it?"

"Pretty much."

"Poor Roxi."

Who the? What the? "Roxi?"

"The car."

"You named my car?"

"Everyone names their car. Rusty would have been more appropriate but from my understanding cars are given a female name."

"You named my car?"

"Repetitious today aren't we?" She said as she opened that passenger side door and climbed in. I smiled and shook my head as I tried to find the keys in the pockets of my jacket. I opened the car door and climbed in. I watched as she pulled the seat belt over her shoulder and clipped it into place. "What?" she asked innocently.

I placed the key in the ignition and started the car. "I can't believe you named my car."

"Well believe it because your car needed a name. It needed to feel loved. Can you feel the..."

"Stop it."

"...love..."

"Stop."

"...tonight..."

"Just put on the radio."

"I don't wanna."

"Then put in a cd."

"Roxi can play cd's?"

"Yes." I saved up enough money to put a cd compatible stereo in the car. It bought it from that guy in the record store I took Rory to in New York for $75. "And I beg you stop with the Roxi."

"It's okay Roxi," she began as she patted the dashboard, "Jess just isn't used to your name yet. He'll come around. But don't..."

She kept talking but I wasn't listening to the words just the sound of her voice. It was nice to have her in the car again. It was nice that we were going out again. This is the way I should remember us. This is the way I want to remember us.


	7. And the point is

I did really good today. I thought to myself with a sense of pride as I made my way towards the Dragonfly. I only mildly freaked out when my daughter stole my jeep and when Jess showed up, unannounced I might add, at Luke's. The only person I argued with was Luke and it was for a pretty damn good reason. I was provoked. Okay not exactly provoked but god damn he pissed me off to the point where yelling was the only option.

I want coffee.

I stopped in my tracks and turned to look at the town. It was busier now that it was early in the afternoon. Wow. Where did my day go? Oh yeah. I almost forgot. I was the mediator for the teenage mellow drama this morning. I should just go to Luke's and grab a cup of coffee. No. It's late and I have to prep the inn for a test run this weekend. They'll be coffee at the inn, I conclude as I continue on my original path towards my inn.

A few minutes later and the inn was in plain view. It is beautiful. It's such a beautiful piece of architecture and if it wasn't for Rachel taking those pictures I may have settled for something less. And Fran - I'll miss Fran - but damn that woman was stubborn. She could have just sold the property to me and could have seen how I would restore it before she died but alas that is how the cookie crumbles.

I like to think she would be proud. We saved the building and its going to be a great success. She would be proud. I know she would. And Mia - she would be thrilled beyond belief at what Sookie, Michel and I accomplished here. I wish she could be here to see it. Too bad I decided to hold the test run while she was on a cruise around the Caribbean. Oh well. She's in the tropics and I'm stuck in Connecticut. Things could be worse.

"Well look who decided to show up," the annoying voice greeted me as I entered the building. Yup they are now officially worse.

"Good morning to you to Michel," I said as I started my way into the kitchen.

"Morning?" he continued to whine as he followed me, "It is morning in California certainly not here where it is in fact one o'clock in the afternoon."

"I know what time it is Michel," I said as I poured myself a cup of coffee.

"You do? Oh good. Its so much better to know that you were not here this morning because you choose not to be as opposed to actually being caught up with something important."

"I'm sorry Mom." I shot back as I looked for Sookie. Surprisingly she wasn't in the kitchen. Where was she?

"I'm most certainly not your mother."

"Where's Sookie?"

"Oh you mean the other owner of the inn who actually showed up on time this morning."

"At most a three word response would have answered the question." I retorted as I started to sip my fourth cup of coffee for the day.

"She's not here. Her child took ill and therefore she had to go. She called and left a message on your voicemail but you probably didn't get that."

"How long ago did she leave?"

"About thirty minutes. If you didn't get here soon I would have left myself but then I realized if I left no one would be here to take the messages or for the deliveries. So I decided to stay."

"I'm here now Michel." I said as he followed me into my office. "So what did I miss?"

"The delivery man called about the furniture - they'll be here around three. I took the liberty of calling that wretched man Tom and told him to be here at three to help with the furniture. I took three calls about reservations for the fourth of July weekend and took the liberty of ordering lunch for myself."

"What would I do without you Michel?"

"I do not know. Perhaps you'd be filing for bankruptcy because this place would go under."

"I appreciate everything Michel."

"You're welcome Lorelai."

"Let me know when the furniture gets here," I said as I shuffled trough a stack a résumés.

"But of course," he answered sarcastically as he exited my office. I swear that man becomes more insufferable with time. I slid into the chair at my desk and shuffled through what was left of the job applications I received over the past six months.

One of the perks of running your own business is being able to hire and fire whomever you please. I so like it. I think it's the best part of the job. I mean I did have the same authority over at the Independence but its different now. This is mine. If I screw up and run this business into the ground which I won't because I have to make this work. God what if I can't make this work? What if I fail? Oh no. Oh no. I don't think I can do this.

Then I hear the tune of "Ice, Ice Baby" echo through the inn. Where did I put that god forsaken cell phone? In my purse. I start searching the office for my purse. No where in sight. Seriously how could you miss a bright orange Liz Claiborne handbag?

"Lorelai!" I hear a voice yell from the front of the inn. It suddenly has become very clear where I left my purse. "Come turn this song off before I throw your hideous bag out the window."

"Uncalled for!" I yell back as I enter the main lobby area. Michel had my bag half way out the window when I approached. "Bag please."

"It's still playing that awful music," he argued.

"I can't do anything if you're holding my bag hostage."

"Here," he said in an annoyed, firm tone as he tossed the bag in my direction. I threw my hand right into the bag and desperately fished around for my cell. God when did I put all this crap in here? Must have been the night before when I was getting ready for Liz's wedding and stuffed all the makeup and applicator brushes off my bed and into the first bag I saw which happened to be this very one.

"Aha," I said as I finally pulled my cell out from the ruble in my bag. I raised the phone to my ear, "Lorelai's house of pain where kidnapping hand bags is our game."

"Glad I got the right number. So I was wondering do you charge by the job or per number of hand bags in each job?"

"Depends on what you're looking for - are we talking a Greenwich Village or Bridgeport hand bag heist?"

"Greenwich Village but only if you can guarantee the goods."

"Only for you."

"You're definitely one in a million Lor."

"You wouldn't want it any other way."

"How are you Lor?"

"All things considered I've been good Chris." Christopher. I was expecting a call from him at some point this week either confirming or declining the invitation I sent to Sherry and him. Based upon the verbal exchange thus far and the tone in his voice - he was calling to decline.

"Are you excited?"

"Actually in panic mode right about now. I'm Sarah Michele in Simply Irresistible - completely nervous about what my guests will think about my food. Damn. I'm not even cooking am I?"

"That would be a negative but you could still have the butterflies her character had. It's only natural. You deserve every one of those butterflies Lor."

"You're not coming are you Chris?"

"Georgia is coming down with something." And it starts. Chris always managed to get caught up with other things whenever something important was going on for me or Rory for that matter. Every time things started to work out with Christopher something came up. Sherry being pregnant was the last excuse he gave me when we wanted to try to make things work and a pregnant girlfriend - not the worse excuse or road block that came between Chris and I but I am tired. Tired of waiting for him and the timing. It just isn't going to ever work out for us. I know it. Chris knows it. Rory knows it. "Sherry doesn't want to leave her for the weekend and I have an impromptu business trip to take at the end of the week. I'm really sorry."

"It's okay Chris. It's not like my guest list will be lacking besides it'll be calmer the next time we talk. Less of the up in the air than currently exists."

"What happened? Is Rory okay?"

"Physically she's perfect, a regular Elle McPherson on our hands. Emotionally? Well..."

"Are we talking Anna Nicole or Courtney Love?"

"She's not that far gone. She'll be fine Chris. You know what it's like to be young and in love."

"In love? Lor, who is he?"

Okay so my timing is not the best. I should have just hung up the phone after he told me that he wasn't going to make it. Now I've opened up Pandora's Box. Good move Lor. How do you expect to explain Rory and Jess to Chris when you don't even know what's going on? I really managed to put myself in the corner this time. Time for desperate measures. "Listen Chris, I have another call coming in and you must be busy with work so I'm gonna let you go. I'll have Rory call you."

"Lorelai."

"Bye Chris." I shot out quickly as I hit the end button on the phone. I turned and saw Michel starring at me while he taped a pen against the desk. "What now?"

"While you were on the phone arguing with your daughter's father Sookie called. Apparently the child was not sick but in fact her husband overreacted to the child's upset stomach."

"Jackson went all McMurphy because Davey had gas. Figures."

"McMurphy?"

"Jack Nicholson? Danny DeVito? One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest?" Michel just stared at me as if I was trying to explain a theory on quantum physics. He was lost. Nicholson was brilliant in the movie. Crazy definitely suits him. Plus not so bad on the eyes. Back in the day he was almost a Brad. Nope he was definitely tied with Brad. Well if Brad had been the age he is now back in the day… "Never mind Michel. Never mind."

* * *

It's insane. I should have knots the size of softballs in my stomach but none. Not even the slightest bit of nerves are consuming my every being. It's because it's him. If it was anyone else in the same situation then I'd be dealing with knots the size of bowling balls. He makes me feel like me. The real me. The comfortable and secure feeling that I have in place of the nerves enables me to act like me despite the circumstances.

Seriously, can you see me talking to anyone else's car under the stressfulness that the past 24 hours has blessed us with? Okay don't answer that. It's really not necessary. I know that naming appliances isn't normal but naming cars is. Or at least that's what they tell me. And the talking of the car - not so out of the blue. They had that Disney movie with the talking car. What was the name of it? Think. Aha, Herbie. Plus that show with David Hasselhoff with the talking car. Only in both cases I think the cars talked back. Creepy.

I still think that Jess is overreacting about the whole naming of the car. It really wasn't a big deal. It's cute. Just like him. No. Scratch that. The way Jess talks about certain things is cute but Jess himself - the person in every physical aspect - he's just gorgeous. Oh god. I'm so head over heels in love with him. It's like the movie with Freddie Prinze Jr. and Monica Potter minus the whole weak in the knees to the extent they were. I mean I do get the whole weak in the knees feeling but I'm not toppling over all over the place. You know what I mean? Wait. How could you possibly know when I'm not sure I even know what I mean.

Look how adorable he is just driving his car and wearing his leather jacket like he's cool. I remember the first night I tutored him - we were driving back to the diner and I asked him if his failing out of school was a trying to be cool thing and he responded with his usual I could careless attitude. It was cute then and would still be cute now.

My head is all jumbled with the thinking thing and the flashbacking thing; I hadn't even noticed Jess trying to revamp the dead conversation. "Huh?"

He chuckled. "Figures. What is going on in that head of yours?"

"The thinking and remembering thing," I told him upfront, "but I promise you have my full attention starting exactly now."

"Sure," he nodded as he switched lanes on the highway.

"Do you doubt my attention span?"

"No. I doubt your ability to keep your head clear enough to have an in-depth conversation."

"Oh wait a second here. Since when are you the one that initiates in-depth conversation topics? And for all I know it could be something trivial just to pass the time until we get where ever it is we are going."

"By George I think she got it," he attempted to respond in a British accent but it sounded more of a cross between Boy George and Sir Elton John which I guess technically is British or English or whatever it is they are supposed to be. Whatever. Doesn't really make a difference and I'm pretty sure that the world will not end if I don't know the ethnicity of two famous people. Note I said pretty sure.

We laughed together for a few moments and before I knew it I was staring out the window again in silence. It's odd that sometimes the most comfortable thing to be in with another person is silence. Then again the most comfortable place to be with Jess was always in his arms. He had these amazing arms. They fit around me just right. There was never any extra arm length like with Dean. He was just so tall and his arms just seemed to smother me sometimes. Okay maybe it bothered me more towards the end of our relationship but nevertheless it bothered me. So that's the point. I think.

* * *

I always wonder what goes on in that head of hers. I always did. Since the first night I met her. She has this incredible vibe about her that makes you want to be around her. I don't think she even realizes how amazing she is. If she knew then she'd probably be more aware of the little things she does that drive me absolutely insane and send that impure feeling right to my - well I don't even think I have to go there. She definitely gets my blood pumping and my heart racing and all those other bodily functions that I really have no control over. 

I wanted to take her to all these new places. I wanted to be the one that she could look back and say that she had the time of her life with me. Don't. Try to ignore the 'Dirty Dancing' reference that should be inserted here. What the fuck! I'm going to make the reference anyway. At least this conversation is in my head and I will not have to admit that I ever sat through that movie. Okay so if Jennifer Grey and Patrick Swayze could come together against all odds - and I swear to god if I ever make the cliché song reference associated with those three words I will throw myself off a bridge so help me God I will - then why couldn't Rory and I? It's possible.

Who the fuck are you kidding Mariano? I've lost my fucking mind. Rory and I are just going to settle things the right way. Make sure we have that closer thing and no regrets. No regrets? Are you fucking kidding me? I have so many regrets. Shit, I've lost count of the regrets I have and I'm the poster child for not regretting things that can't be change. Honestly, never saw myself as a person who would sit with regrets. Then again I never saw myself with someone like her. I don't know why but she's changed my life.

I glanced over to her and she was staring out the window. Silent. The way the sunlight reflected off her face was amazing and... Fuck! Stop thinking with your dick Mariano! I could feel it start to happen and I quickly adjusted myself so it wasn't noticeable. Needless to say Rory turned to see what was happening when the car jerked a bit. "What?"

"Were you planning on getting us into a car accident?"

"Not today. Besides car accidents are planned for nights that may involve learning."

"So you don't think you're going to learn anything?"

She got me on that one. The truth was I probably was about to learn a lot. I'm kind of not looking forward to the lesson I'm thinking will come out of this. "I didn't say that."

"Didn't have to. It's really kind of understood that the learning thing isn't your forte."

"School is not my forte. Any kind of learning associated with school isn't my forte and that is because I choose to not make it my forte. If I actually..."

"Jess, I know."

I knew she knew. She knows me better than anyone. Just hearing her say that she knew was reassuring. If I was going with Rory today with any expectations to try and figure out the future then that very statement would have given me that hope thing. I know better than that though.

Silence overtook the car and within minutes I pulled into our destination. I pulled into the parking lot and into the closet available space before turning off the car. "So here we are."

"Jess you know I would have been content with eating at Luke's."

"I know." Of course she would have been fine with eating at Luke's. She's eaten there practically everyday for the past ten years of her life. I seriously wonder if she would've starved to death if it wasn't for Luke. Then again they still had Al's and Weston's and every take out place in the state. Yeah she would have been fine.

"I've never eaten here before. Mom and I always talked about coming out here to eat here but we never got around to it. We have this routine and..."

"Rory?"

"Yes?"

"Do you want to go inside or do you want to go back to Stars Hallow?"

"Inside. Definitely. I'm in the mood for some good Italian food." She started to explain as she climbed out of the car.

"Good because this place has a good rep." I began as we walked toward the entrance of the restaurant.

"Kind of like you?"

"Touché."

"Jess," she said as she stopped in her tracks. I stopped to and turned to her. "This - what we are doing right now - it's just what I needed."

I should have said something. Anything but nothing. Instead I just nod my head and open the door, allowing her to go inside first. She smiled at the gesture. I'm sure she was flattered. Now I have to make it through a meal with her. Can it be civilized? That much I'm sure of. But how long will it be before the conversation turns into something about emotions? I don't know. I have no idea.

I did the only thing I could do. I shook my head, took a deep breath and prepared myself for my last supper - with Rory.

* * *

They haven't come back yet. I haven't decided if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I think it's a good thing. Actually I'm pretty sure it's a good thing. It has to be a good thing. I always thought Rory would be good for Jess but never did I imagine Jess being good for Rory. He is my nephew and I do care about him but I know Jess isn't Mr. Reliability. I think Rory used to need that. I think she still needs that but having Jess around well it adds the surprise element to her life. She needs that. 

3:00 p.m. The diner is once again busy. No surprise there. No one remembers the outburst this morning for me. Even if they do. It's on to new business for the town. I grabbed the pot of coffee from behind me and start to make my rounds.

"Luke."

"What is it Taylor?"

"We need to discuss the matter of your hoodlum nephew moving back to town. Now if..."

"No."

"But if he's moving back..."

"Can it Taylor."

"Luke I can't have Jess running around unsupervised."

"He's nineteen."

"Precisely. We can't have him causing trouble around town like the last time. He's damaged public property and..."

"For one second let's pretend Jess is moving back."

"Alright."

"He's nineteen. I'm no longer his guardian. In fact he no longer has a guardian. He's legal Taylor. I can't force him to listen to me."

"But you have to set boundaries Luke. He is still your nephew and he needs..."

"Where do you think you live Taylor? Amish country where kids live at home until their married. He's an adult. I can't control him."

"Now Luke."

"I'm not doing this Taylor."

"But..."

"Out."

"Excuse me."

"Out."

"You can't..."

"As the owner of this diner I have the right to refuse service to any customer. Frankly, Taylor your a pain in the ass and I don't feel like servicing you. Now get out."

"This will be discussed at the town meeting," he said in a huff as he turned to exit.

"Looking forward to it!" I yelled back. I hate town meetings almost as much as I hate Taylor. Nope. I hate Taylor more. The entire town is just so screwed up. Everyone knows everyone's business. God Jess just got here a couple hours ago and already I have to listen to Taylor's bitching and moaning. I just have to continue making my rounds like Taylor never happened. Imagine the world without Taylor. It's a great place.

"How was Liz's wedding?"

"You were there Babette."

"I know doll but you see its so much more interesting coming from your point of view."

"Just ask."

"Ask what doll?"

"Whatever it is that you want me to tell you but you don't want to ask."

"I have no idea what you mean."

"I'm leaving," I said as I started to make my way away from her table.

"What happened with Lorelai?"

"Excuse me?"

"Well the two of you went together, you danced which was so cute by the way and rumor has it you went back to her place."

"So what's the question?"

"Are you two an item doll?"

"We're friends. She went with me to my sister's wedding. We danced. I walked her home and we had a conversation. It's nothing out of our normal routine."

"Doll, we all know. We've all known since Lorelai walked into the diner for the first time and you've waited."

"I really don't need this right now."

"We were all just kind of hoping that this was it."

"We're friends. Leave it at that."

"Alright doll face," Babette gave in. I knew she wanted to add more but she knew I wasn't talking. I'm not the type to share my relationship with the town. So Lorelai and I aren't in a relationship. We'll we are friends and that is a relationship but it isn't the type of relationship I want with her. Babette's right. I was hoping that this was it. This still could be it. The timing it just seems right. Those self help books are ridiculous. The ideas they burn into your brain never leave. It's a sickness.

The bell on the door rang as I was going through the days receipts. The patron sat at the counter and without looking up I asked, "What can I get for you?"

"Coffee and forgiveness. They kind of go hand in hand right now."

I looked up and there she is at the counter where she always sat this time of day. "I think that it can be arranged."

"I'm so sorry about this morning Luke. I overreacted but I talked to Rory and I shouldn't have yelled at you. I was wrong."

I poured her favorite beverage into the mug in front of her. "It was a rough morning. We both said things we didn't mean."

"So you really don't hate Kirk?"

"Don't push it."

"You know I talked to her about Jess."

"I figured that much when you said that you talked to Rory."

"She loves him. She even mentioned something along the lines of him reaching soul mate status."

"Really? I didn't know she was that serious about Jess."

"I know. She should not be looking for her soul mate. She's nineteen years old. What happened to the whole college dating and meeting new people? What ever happened to Mr. Right Now instead of Mr. Right?"

"She's Rory. She's special. Maybe she doesn't need to date and meet new people to know she found the one."

"Come on Luke. I'm thirty-five years old and I'm not even sure if I've ever been in that kind of love where you feel like someone is your soul mate. Have you?"

Don't make me answer this. If I tell her the truth. Bad. If I lie. Bad. "I don't think so."

"See. That's why I know my concern is justified. I don't think that Jess is returning the seriousness Rory is. She doesn't deserve to be hurt by him - again. Does he see her as the one? His soul mate?"

"He loves her."

"I'm just starting to let that one sink in. You know I never really liked Jess."

"I couldn't tell." I answered in a highly sarcastic tone. A normal response and tone for the matter considering the topic of discussion.

"Sadist."

"And the award for comment from the farthest point of left field goes to..."

"Stop."

"That had nothing to do with anything we were just talking about."

"You're right."

"It's about Rory and Jess."

"Yeah."

"Well did she see him?"

"They took off a couple hours ago. There was a small discussion here before they left." Before she even said anything I answered her. "I don't know where they went."

"You read my mind."

"A task which very few are capable of."

"Agreed."

"Do you want to order anything?"

"The coffee is fine. I have to get back to the inn in a little while."

"How is that coming?"

"Good all things considered. I got a lecture from Michel on my punctuality and Sookie had a crisis with Jackson and Davey."

"Is everything alright?"

"Oh yeah. Jackson had a freak out equivalent to that of one Billy Bibbit because Davey had some acid reflux."

"I see."

"You're still coming this weekend right?"

"I wouldn't miss it."

"Because you don't have to come. I mean if you want to cancel you can."

"Who cancelled?"

"Christopher. I don't know why it's bothering me so much. I guess I just wanted to prove to him that even though I raised Rory I was still able to make things happen."

"You wanted him to be proud of you."

"Maybe. On some level. I don't even know. I don't even care anymore. I have you coming right?"

"Only way I'm missing it is if I'm six feet under."

"So let's go lock you in that padded room because you know you can die at any moment."

"Lorelai."

"You can get struck by lightening, hit by a bus; your roof could collapse on you or a car accident. There's a fatal car accident like every six minutes."

"There's no lightening, only one bus runs through Stars Hallow and every time it's out there I'm in here. My roof is fine and if I die in a car accident it wasn't my fault."

"Don't pick on the paranoid."

"I'm picking on the insane. Big difference."

"Mean."

"More coffee?"

"I'm thinking that may be the stupidest question you've ever asked me. More coffee? Have you met me?"

"I forgot that I'm dealing with Whitney Houston - the chronic addict."

"Coffee is not cocaine. And I'm pretty sure that there is a grammatical error in what you just said."

"Both will kill you."

"Coffee may be the cause of my death but only if I'm blessed enough to marry you," she paused for a second before continuing. She was embarrassed about her slip of the tongue. She just made me feel so much better about where this thing with us was heading. I think we are finally on the same page. At least I'm pretty sure we are. Okay so we are at least reading the same book. "Or someone like you is what I meant to say. Anyway, I'll be on my death bed and you or the person like you will deprive me of coffee and I'll die because I need it to survive."

"But you are on your death bed. You're dying anyway."

"Not the point."

"New topic. This conversation has been nothing but morbid since we started discussing the opening of the inn."

"Good point. Besides if one of us dies then we can't go out Sunday for that movie."

"You still want to go?"

"You asked. I accepted. It's kind of implied in the answer given that I want to go. I wouldn't have accepted otherwise."

"Good. Any ideas what you want to see?"

"You're talking to the queen of movie rentals. I've seen 'Pretty Woman' seventeen times, 'Casablanca' twelve, 'Ocean's Eleven' eight, 'St. Elmo's Fire' four although I don't remember why and I've seen 'War of the Worlds' twice."

"So pretty much you've seen every movie that has ever been made."

"Not every. I still haven't made it through any movies starring Norma Jean Baker or the King himself."

"We'll its up to you."

"I'll have to take it under careful advisement. Right now I just want to get through the test run this weekend."

"You should get back to the inn."

"You may be right sir," she said as she finished the last sip of coffee in her mug. She went to pull out some money from her purse.

"Don't worry about it."

"Seriously?"

"Consider it a gift."

"Thanks."

"And here," I said as I handed her a fresh cup of coffee in my paten to-go mug.

"And this?"

"A collateral benefit."

"If I get all this just from being your friend I can't imagine what I'd get if we were -" she stopped mid-sentence as she was already half way out the door, "-you know what... never mind. I'll see you later Luke."

"Bye Lor," I said as I watched her leave the diner. Damn those jeans looked good on her. Her body has this unique shape that I have yet to see on another woman. And her eyes are just so big and full of life - she's perfect. It's hard to believe that after almost ten years, countless conversations, arguments, and a few very vivid dreams that we've never even come close to crossing that line. It's amazing that it took us that long to get to this point. To the point were having one of the conversations like we just had wasn't completely awkward for the both of us.

* * *

It's easy to offer a clear perspective of the entire goings on in Stars Hallow when you aren't personally involved with anyone. Being the town troubadour has given me this opportunity. I've been witness to many of the occurrences between the two sets of star crossed lovers and it must be said that living in a place that bears a name similar to their titles only makes it more interesting. 

Star Crossed. If you ask me for the definition this is what you'll get: two people that are destined to fall in love but due to circumstances surrounding each of their personal lives, the process of them actually coming together as one, and being accepted as one, is that much harder. Have you ever seen two more perfect examples?

Stars Hallow. A small town that is almost near nonexistent. Break down the word 'hallow' and associate it to the meaning of star crossed you get a place in which the only hearts that exist appear to be empty and the need to fill that hollowness makes the star crossed lovers only that much more determined.

Luke and Lorelai. Those two have been in love for as long as I can remember. It's a damn shame that neither of them has had the courage over the past ten years to take a giant leap over the line they carefully treaded over - friends or lovers. They have a Lucy/Ricky relationship - they argue like no two other people I've ever seen. There is so much passion and emotion that it makes the time they are mad at the other miserable for both of them. In hind sight, they can turn around and laugh about it - realizing that maybe it wasn't all that important to begin with... sometimes even forgetting why the argument started in the first place. Just like a married couple would. Mark my words ladies and gentleman of Stars Hallow, these two will have the wedding of the century around this time next year. It's going to happen.

Rory and Jess. I've watched Rory grow up from afar into this beautiful, intelligent, amazing woman who only deserves the best. Someone who is capable of giving her everything she's ever wanted and more. As far as first impressions go, I would have never expected it to be Jess. It was obvious from the first time I saw them together. They had been talking near the town green and you could just see Rory's face light up with excitement as she talked to him and I saw Jess' face - I like to think of myself as the first person in the town to see him express any sort of emotion - he was completely intoxicated by Rory.

And they are the perfect example of a modern day Romeo and Juliet. Every single obstacle that could prevent them from being together was there. Lorelai disapproved of Jess, Rory was dating Dean, and the list goes on. But they were able to be together and they were happy. Then the odds stacked against them for the second time and Jess was gone. Rory was miserable. Jess was miserable. And every thing that has happened brings them to where they are now. In a place where the only obstacle they have to overcome to be together is each other.

It's a crazy mixed up world out there and living in Stars Hallow makes it ten times more interesting. The people that you meet, the friends that you make, the memories you carry and the love that you experience make an outside observer, like me, very happy. All that I ever want for everyone is for them to find the one they love and be happy. That's all I could ever ask for my friends, my family. It seems funny that I can call them that when most of the time I never speak with them but I care for them in a way no one could ever understand.


	8. A Girl Named Amy

_A/N: Hey guys! It's been over a year since my last update and I've been in search of a beta. **I need a beta badly! Any volunteers? **Ok so my writing in this chapter is probably slacking & the characters are written a little OOC but I had to do it to make it work._

_Also I wanted to take a second to give a thanks to ASP & her husband, DP for all their hardwork & dedication to the show for 6 years. Its very sad that neither will be returning next season to work on the show but I wish them all the luck & I'm praying GG doesn't tank without them._

_Disclaimer: I own nothing! I wish I did because I would be a very rich lady!_

* * *

He's here. Sitting right across from me. I can not believe that he is actually here. A large part of me thinks this whole dinner may turn out to be very "Sixth Sense". Maybe I'm Bruce Willis here just praying for one more moment to share with my true love. I do not want that. Although my mother would drop to her knees and thank every god from every possible religion everyday for the rest of her life if Jess once again proved to be the worst thing that has ever happened to me. Trust me. She's admitted it freely on more than one occasion. 

Its difficult for some people to grasp the fact that Jess and I were meant to be. Sometimes its even difficult for me to grasp. Okay so there is the fact that it all turned out to be an extremely fortunate accident for me -for us- but nevertheless if Jonathan and Sarah could find each other again after years of failed attempts and other relationships, maybe Jess and I could do the same. Only a few details vary from their fictional love story to my reality. It hasn't been four years - its been one - and I have not had another relationship since Jess.

I would have to be naive to think that anything is going to reemerge or start over after one crazy twenty-four hours but crazier things have happened. Chris Rock hosted the Academy Awards and the success of "Dude, Where's My Car?" are case and point.

Now the doubts are starting to set in. Take a look at all the celebrities we thought would make it the long haul - J.Lo & P.Diddy - for the record I still think that they are meant to be, Britney & Justin, Elizabeth Taylor & you know what never mind. That women's been married more times than I have fingers. Still anyone that pays any sort of attention to the entertainment world has this secret hope that in some alternate reality they will all reconcile. Society has to have that hope because not only are they Hollywood royalty and their kids would be god-like but deep down they are normal people who are eternally linked even though they've moved on and if they can't make it, what kind of chance do we have? Not that I would base my future relationships on the success of Hollywood romances - let's face it I'm no celebrity - but I get what I'm trying to say even if you don't. Crazy? Maybe. Fact? Not so much. Fact according to Rory Gilmore? Damn straight.

Reality being that there are people in your life you are meant to meet. People you are destined to know. My mother was destined to meet Luke, Luke was destined to fall in love with my mother, and my mother is destined to one day open her eyes and realize that she has always been in love with Luke all along. So what if its an endless circle of back and forth? It works. Its fate. Its life as I know it. Jess is my Luke. Its as simple as that only simpler. Its simpler because I know it and my mother well she's still in denial.

I hear her make her introduction and I hear him call my name but it just seems that I can not get myself out of my own head and say something... anything. I feel a heavy hand brush against mine. Its strong yet firm and enough to get myself out of my thoughts. "Yeah?"

"What did I tell you about thinking? Its not good for you."

"Says the man who knew too little."

"Ouch. The mere mention of that insults me. Do I honestly remind you of Bill Murray?"

"Sort of in the not knowing much sense of reminding me of Bill Murray. Otherwise you remind me more of the man in the iron mask."

"Leo is definitely a step up from Bill but I like to think of myself as more of a James Dean type."

The waitress clears her throat as I start to get lost in Jess' eyes. He has these beautiful deep eyes that you just get lost. "Are you two ready to order or should I come back later?"

"Rude much? We are paying customers here," I paused as I searched her blouse for her name tag, "Amy is it? I'll have an ice water hold the ice add precisely three squeezes from a fresh lemon then I want you to heat it up for approximately forty-five seconds pour it into a fresh glass and add six cubes of ice. You got that?"

"And for you Jess?"

Wait a second did I miss something here. When did Miss Amy start a first name basis with my boyfriend. What? Stop Rory. Just stop. We haven't even spent a full day together and already I'm claiming him as mine. What is wrong with me? Just take a deep breath. By the time I was ready to speak I heard Amy ask if we were ready to order.

"I think we will skip the appetizer unless there is something you want Rory?"

"Actually I'll have the Tuscan bread with the spinach & avocado dip. Also for my meal I'll have the stuffed shells with sausage, no onions."

"Soup or salad?"

"Both I'll have pasta fazul and a fresh salad no hot peppers. What are you having Jess?"

"That sounds fine." His tone is nothing short of shocked as I watch him contemplate would could have possibly drove me on this sarcastic yet assertive, rude attitude. "Except I'll have a coke and the chicken parmigiana with the four cheese pasta."

"What kind of noodles would you like?" Can we say ewww? What is wrong with this "girl"? Trying to make that sound sexy. I would vomit right now but the thought of Jess seeing one of my least attractive qualities makes me reconsider.

"Tortellini is fine thanks."

I watch her as she scribbles down the remainder of our order and smiles at Jess. "I'll be right back with your drinks and appetizer." My eyes follow her as she walks away from our table. Of course she has all the right curves in all the right places and then there's me. I'm the definition of nerdy. My clothes my hair - I barely wear any makeup. Okay so tonight was the ONE exception of an occasion that I tried to get sexy. God what am I doing. This isn't me.

"What's with the attitude? Now she is going to spit in our food and I was actually looking forward to enjoying a meal with you again."

"How do you know her?" Why am I having such a bad attitude all of a sudden? I can't believe I'm letting this get to me. Am I that insecure? No I'm not. I'm just jealous. That's right I'll admit it I'm jealous. If you saw Amy you'd understand, she is beautiful and the thought of Jess being near her is driving me to this - crazy, jealous, rude me. I was never this girl. Why am I her now?

"The waitress?"

"Do not do this Jess. I know you know her."

"She used to work with me at Walmart. She was a cashier and I saw her a couple of times in the break room. I was trying to read and she kept on trying to make conversation. Very annoying girl and her voice reminds me of nails on a chalkboard." He has a point besides her voice she was probably every other nineteen year old males dream girl. But not Jess. He is not shallow and would never base a relationship solely on looks. He would base it on the physical aspect, Shane was case and point, but he told me once why he was with her. If he ever knew I was repeating this, even in my own mind, he would be mad at me. So I am not going to say anything more than it was because of me. "Did you think..."

"No." I was too quick to answer and even if I wasn't he knew me well enough to know that was exactly what I thought.

"Rory, I would never lie to you and I have never touched Amy. I have not been with anyone since we broke up. Not that you deserve to hear that after this attitude emerged."

"How do you know it just emerged? It's been a long time since we spent this much time together."

"People like you just do not change over night," I tried to speak but he interrupted me, "not even over a year."

"I'm sorry."

"Apology excepted."

No how can I argue with that. He gave me so much more than I deserved to her. He could have easily said what happened in his relationships since we broke up was none of my business and ended it at that. He didn't though. Its very different being in the position of the jealous one well not really because of Shane. Everyday I saw her I wanted to knock her out and every time I saw her with Jess I wanted to pull her by her Barbie doll hair and tell her to get off of him. I didn't because that's not who I am. I'm the silent jealous type.

Jess, he always showed he was jealous. His mannerisms, the tone and attitude of his voice and it happened whenever he was in contact with Dean. I couldn't blame him after all I put him in that position. I was giving him the signals subconsciously since the day he moved to Stars Hallow.

* * *

She is beautiful. Even when she is acting crazy - which is nothing short of all the time. She is just like Lorelai, her snarky comments, her wit, and her everything. She is nothing short of amazing. 

Amy is not hard on the eyes I'll admit that. I never would touch that girl intentionally. In a drunken haze, maybe. She's hot. But the first and last time I was that shit faced I had sex. I wish sometimes that I could take back my first sexual experience I can't. It was right before I moved to Stars Hallow. I was living in New York and life is a lot different there. Hell I was the only virgin amongst my so called friends there. I knew that Liz was going to ship me off somewhere about a month before it actually happened. Her new boyfriend was ready to move in - he was an asshole to say the least - and we did not get along. It made Liz uneasy so instead of choosing her son she called me a trouble teen and shipped me off to what I thought would be hell.

Anyway my friends were adamant about me losing my virginity and I had been seeing this girl Amber. Things were hot and heavy. We were all over each other every chance we got. We made out everywhere and it never got further then that. I'm lying. We fondled each other. Can you blame me? I was sixteen years old and I was thinking with my dick not my brain. I did not think I was ready for anything more than second base despite the fact that I portrayed this image to everyone else. The day I knew my mother was going to send me away, Amber had a party at her house while her parents went to Vermont skiing for the weekend. I showed up at the party knowing that I wanted to forget the fact that my life was going to change for the worse, I was never more wrong I know that now, and that was that. I had sex with Amber that night and it felt good. She was good. Obviously more experienced than I but I didn't care.

It was meaningless sex. In fact all the sex I've had has been complete emotionless for me. I did not care about Amber and I used her. Just like I used Shane. Anyway, my relationship with Amber became solely about sex and the day before I left I broke up with her. I do not believe in long distance relationships I could never trust another person that much. I am just too jealous and suspicious. I am an asshole boyfriend. I will own up to that. Its the truth. Its why I lost...

Rory. God she is looking absolutely amazing tonight. Not that she doesn't always look amazing. But its different. She is sexy. The way that shirt is hugging her breasts. Those jeans hug her hips just right. Her ass looks amazing. I'm not going to lie to myself. Under different circumstances I would probably take her back to my place and let things go from there. Hopefully it would end with my waking up to her searching my place for her clothes. But I would never cheapen Rory like that.

I can hear her rambling on about one thing or another. I only can process a few of the words I'm that lost in my own mind. Paris. Tom. Dragonfly. Lindsay. Digger. "I'm sorry Digger?"

"Yeah. Well his real name is Jason. My mom and him knew each other when they were kids. Jason's father and my grandfather worked together. So him and my mom were dating for like six months when he tried to sue my grandpa and then things just did not work after that."

I knew she was going to break into a tangent as soon as I asked one question. There was always a story with her. Always. Nothing was ever simple to explain. Everything she said or mentioned always had something bigger behind it. A more interesting story. It made things so much more interesting and fun. I enjoyed it.

She stopped talking and I caught her glance and held it. Her eyes are beautiful. Her smile radiating. God what I am talking about I'm Jess Mariano. I'm the definition of nonemotional, unexpressive and a flat out jerk. Well that's not true either.

"You are look gorgeous tonight Rory."

I think I took her off guard. She is starting to blush and her mouth is moving but she can't seem to find any words to respond. She wants to say something witty and funny. She can't think. I can tell by the way she is avoiding making eye contact with me.

"I'm not ready for the cover of Cosmo or anything but I... I... I can't think of anything to say."

"You are the type of gorgeous that the great writers describe in their literature. The type of beauty Claude Monet wanted to portray in his paintings."

"Okay now you're just lying." She could not have been more wrong. She is the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen inside and out.

"You want me to say I'm lying that way you don't have to admit that I'm right."

"This isn't me Jess. You know that. I've always been the ponytail, blue jeans, comfy sweater girl. I don't get dressed up like this."

"Why today?"

"I wanted to stop thinking about you. After last night I could not stop. I kept thinking about what you said and how I reacted and how I should of reacted and I just wanted to turn my focus elsewhere."

"I see." Even in matching long johns she looks amazing. Women. Never in my life have a met one that denies her beauty like Rory. She's so modest and pure. Makes me wonder how she managed to not become superficial and shallow.

"Here is your drinks and appetizer. If you need anything else just let me know." Amy set our drinks down in front of us and set Rory's bread pieces and dip in the center of the table before moving from the table.

"So have you ever tried this stuff before?"

"No but you know me Jess. I'll eat anything and love it. Come on I eat Indian food."

"Point taken." She was a tank when it came to food. She ate like she was eating for six. Actually made me a little sick sometimes. Indian food. Just plain gross. The smell alone makes me and any normal person want to throw up. But not her. I guess its just her survival skills. Lorelai can't cook to save her life and I doubt Rory adopted any culinary skills. Whatever I still love her.

**Later that night...**

"So how about that raspberry cheesecake? I could have eaten six pieces."

"It was good."

"You had one bite."

"That's all you let me have."

"You could have ordered another piece."

"I should have asked for a whole cake so you could take it home."

"Why didn't you? I would have loved to share some with my mom she would have enjoyed it. Let's go back and order one right now."

"I'm not driving back to Hartford so you can have your cheesecake."

"Please, please, please, please."

"Begging is not attractive."

"Please sir my I have some more." Her sad attempt at a British accent was laughable. I had to laugh a little. It was just too funny. A part of me knows she tanked the accent on purpose to get me to laugh but she would have done a horrible job anyway.

"The accent is worse and quoting Oliver Twist will get you no where." One of the first few times I met her she called me Dodger. She told me to look it up but I know my Dickens and knew within thirty seconds what she was referring to. I think she was rather impressed especially since I told her that I didn't read much. I can finish a book in a few hours if I'm feeling motivated.

"Stop."

"Where are we going anyway?"

"You'll see." I want to surprise her. Not that there was a lack of surprises when we dated or hell before we dated and after we dated but this was different. I wanted her to experience something different with me. Something we had never done before.

"Well I know its not in Stars Hallow since we just passed the exit." She reached grabbed her purse from the floor and started fishing thru it. Probably for her book - she always had a book with her. "Do you even know where you are going?"

"I got it under control." She's curious. Why wouldn't she be? The truth is I know I screwed up with Rory. I was a prick to her and handled everything like a jackass. Us not being together was my fuck up. I will never be the perfect boyfriend but - although I'll never say it or admit it - I want to be. I want to be able to plan a nice date for her and be there for her. This is as good a start as any. "What are you reading anyway?"

"You'll see." She replied with a smirk as she hid the cover to her book so I could not see it. She thinks by not telling me I'm going to cave in and tell her where we are going. Not a chance. I'm dying to know what she's reading but not enough to give my surprise away.

"That's not gonna work."

"Was it at least worth at shot? I know you want to know what I'm reading."

"I do but not enough to ruin the surprise."

"Jerk." She says in a playful tone. I know she doesn't mean it. Maybe she does. Whatever. The word suits me so I can't blame her even if she does mean it.

* * *

"Okay where's my kid?" I ask as I burst into Luke's diner. 

"Not here." He manages to answer without looking up from sorting the days receipts.

"What do you mean she's not here? It has been like six hours. Doesn't take Rory six hours to eat."

"She's fine."

"Did she call? Did Jess call? What do you know I don't?"

"No, no and no."

"Then unless Sylvia Browne just walked out of the diner saying that they are where ever they are then hunnie we have a problem." Rory has never not called and let me know where she is. She's with Jess. I don't trust Jess. I hate Jess. I hate Jess more than I hate an alarm clock on Saturday mornings. And Luke with his three word responses drives me nuts. He's not worried in the least. Why isn't he worried? Oh yeah because he trusts Jess.

Naive man I tell you. Very naive.

"If I give you coffee will you stop worrying?"

"No but it may help." Ah coffee. Coffee can make anything go away. Well except for this. Can you blame me? This is my kid. My planner. My daughter who always makes a pro/con list before making any big decisions who is running around with her head clouded with this notion she loves Jess. That Jess is the one.

Luke pours freshly brewed coffee into the blue mug in front of me. "Better?"

I pick up the cup and let the hot liquid slid down my throat. It burns a little but it lets me focus on the burning versus my missing in action Rory. "Like I said a little."

"I haven't heard from Jess or Rory," he said as he began wiping down all the tables. He looks really hot when he cleans the tables. Makes me a little hot actually. He definitely has the whole lumber jack look down but it never looked better. "I'm sure they are fine. He can't do that much damage in one day. Besides they are probably in some coffee shop or some restaurant talking about what books they've been reading. You know how they were."

"Yes damn them for reading. How dare they have something in common to talk about? I knew I should have raised Rory to burn books like the firemen in "Fahrenheit 451". Books equal evil. Too bad Doc Brown is not around. I could totally borrow the DeLorean make things right."

"You're ridiculous."

"I know."

"Don't you have stuff at the inn to work on before the test run tomorrow?"

"Just waiting for the doors to come in. Which reminds me I have to give Tom a call," I reached into my purse to find my cell phone. "Aha," I said as I pulled it out from the clutter and began to dial.

"Outside with that."

"Are you kidding me?"

"I never kid."

"There's no one in here right now." Just as I said that Kirk walked it. "You've got to be joking right? I can't make one phone call."

"Nope."

"Let me use the diner phone then."

"You can't go behind the counter."

"You're insane," I say as I push myself off the stole and make my way out the door. "Kirk don't try to steal my purse. You don't want me to go Jennifer Garner on you again."

"Last time was an accident I thought it was Lulu's bag." Kirk responded as I made my way outside to call Tom. I glanced down at the time on my phone. It's seven o'clock. Where is Rory? Why hasn't she called?

"Tom here."

"Hey Tom. Its Lorelai about the doors for the inn..."

* * *

The car stopped finally. I've probably read about ten chapters in the time I've been in this car. I close the book and glance out the window. All I can see is the sun reflecting off the ocean as it begins to set. "The ocean?" 

"Yeah," he says as he turns off the car and unfastens his seatbelt. "I thought it would be nice to sit and watch the sun set over the ocean."

"Okay who are you and what have you done with the real Jess?" This is not like Jess. This is the furthest thing from Jess. We always did nice things together. Fun things. Us things. Never sat and watched the sunset together. Never.

"You wrote an article in the Yale Daily News around Valentine's day that described your perfect date. You mentioned a ocean sunset so here it is."

I want to break down and cry right now. This is absolutely the most incredible thing he has done for me. I can feel the tears starting to build up. A take a deep breathe and close my eyes tightly to hold back the tears. "I can't believe you read that."

"Well I kind of kept up with it. There is a cyber cafe about four blocks from my apartment in New York. I was able to keep up with the paper online. Your writing is great. You should be very proud of yourself."

"I'm impressed."

"So are we going to watch this from the car or we going to experience this the right way?"

He got out of the car. I opened my door and took off my boots and socks. "What are you doing?" He asked as he came over to my side of the car.

"The only way to do this right is barefoot. I want to feel the sand in my toes besides my feet are freaking killing me." He smiled. I love seeing him smile. I finished taking off my shoes and tossed them into the back seat. "Shall we?" I asked as I got out of the car.

He did not say a word. He reached over and grabbed my hand - leading me across the beach to the edge of the water. I was at total peace. There I was with the man I thought I couldn't love anymore and I'm falling in love with him all over again. I feel like I'm going to wake up at any second from this dream. It has to be. There is no way this could be happening. Not to me. Not with Jess. Its just so not us. But maybe it could be us. Maybe this is the start of something good. Something better.

We stopped walking and just stared into the horizon to watch the sun fade into the night. I looked over at Jess. He looked back. The moment was perfect. How could I not embrace this moment? I moved my hand from my side and reached up to touch his face. He closed his eyes and leaned into my hand like it belonged there. Like my hand never left his cheek. He opened his eyes and I stared right into them. I could see how much he loved me and I prayed that he could see the same when he looked into mine.

He moved his hands and cupped my face before he leaned closer. When our lips met it felt like I was on fire. It had been longing for this. I wrapped my arms around him and held him closer. It started softly. We were just beginning to find each other again. Then before I knew it his tongue found a way to mine. He massaged his against mine. I responded without a second thought. The kiss grew from soft to hungry. We had both been waiting for such a long time. To be here at this point again. Ugh. Rory why are you thinking? Just stop thinking and feel. Feel his lips against yours. Just feel.

We wanted to devour each other. I could not get enough of his lips, his tongue, his kiss. His hands wandered along my body from my face down until he finally rested them on my hips. I did not want to stop. I could not bring myself to stop. I wanted him. I needed him. He needed me too.

"Wait," he said as he pulled away from the kiss, "maybe we should..."

I could not let him finish his sentence. If either of us started to rationalize this then the kissing, the passion, the love would all be gone. I pulled his lips into mine again. He responded to my liking like I knew, scratch that hoped, he would. We fell to our knees on the cold white sand as he gently leaned me onto my back the kiss grew deepper than it had ever before. I am not going to stop. I can not stop this. Not this time.


	9. Why Don't You Trust Me?

Finally.

The dinner rush was over and I felt like I could breathe again. I really hate owning a diner when Friday nights roll around. The usual town crazies come in and drive me nuts. Tonight was worse. Of course it's all over town about Jess and Rory so the first thing I get asked when I go to the table to take their order "So Luke what's going on with Rory and Jess?" I say nothing and ask what they want. They ask again. I say "I don't know". I ask for their order for the third time. They ask yet again. I say "Order or get out". They order but they still keep trying to get information I do not have. It's fucking annoying.

"I hate this town," I say aloud to the empty diner as I start to wipe down the counter. I glanced behind me to take a look at the time.

8:30 p.m.

It's dead in Stars Hallow right now. It always dies this time at night. But it never seems to stay dead. For me at least. Around this time Loreali and Rory will bust into here begging for coffee and pie. They are relentless. I would not have it any other way. Besides if Loreali turned into Rachel Ray I would not get to see her everyday. I like seeing her everyday. I don't like a lot of things - or people for that matter but I like her.

The bell rings on the door.

"And there she is," I say as I finish wiping down the counter. I looked up and I wanted to vomit.

"Now Luke you really should not presume that every time that bell rings after eight that it is going to be Loreali walking through the door."

Taylor Doose. You would think that man would practice what he preached to the town about not walking the streets after sunset alone. Something about unsavory characters. I wish one of them would show up and take Taylor far away to places unknown. With my luck the unsavory one would bring him back in ten minutes flat. He got on my nerves after twenty seconds but then again if the guy is desperate to meet his criminal quota maybe he'll keep Taylor a little longer. Maybe even do me and the rest of the world a favor and we would never see Taylor again.

Nope. Not happening. He's still standing in front of me yammering about something or another.

"Go home Taylor," I say as a start to wipe down the tables. "

"You still have not agreed to put the sign's up for my Ice Cream Shoppe's special tribute to strawberries in honor of..."

"No Taylor."

"You are being unreasonable."

"Do you want me to kick you out of here twice in one day?"

"This will be discussed..."

"Yeah I know. Town Meeting. Should I bring my chart with me?"

"What chart?"

"Oh you know the one. I've been keeping tallies of how many times you piss me off in a day." And there he goes. Trying to stomp out of here. Look at him. He can't even get the door open. He finally does. "You're up to about twenty for the day. Care to make it twenty-one?" Finally he's gone. He's pissed. I don't care. What else is new?

I'm almost done here. I scan the diner everything in place ready to close for the night. Tables all set for the morning. No one else to wait on. Shit. I forget to clean the stove. No Caesar forgot to clean the stove. Wait. He didn't even work today. No. He did. When did he go home? Did I see him leave? Ugh. When will this day just fucking end.

The bell dings over the door again. "Son of a bitch."

"Howdy Sailor." There's that angelic voice. "I hope you never kissed your mother with that mouth. God rest her soul."

"Never."

"Coffee?"

"I just cleaned the coffee pot."

"Noooooooooooo! Luke why would you do such a thing? You know me. Coffee equals survival. Especially after the day I've had and by the way have you seen my kid yet?"

"No." I say simply as a move back into the kitchen area. There actually is a pot of coffee ready back here. Hidden from the crazy woman at the counter whom I love for god knows what reason. She drives me crazy. She's nothing like me at all. We could potentially have nothing in common. Still doesn't stop me. I can hear her still begging. It's funny. I plan on letting her go for at least another two minutes before I give in. I call to her from the kitchen. "Did you finish everything up at the inn?"

"Okay so that was completely off the topic of my coffee and my child but yes. Tom is there right now putting the doors on the rooms. Not exactly the doors I ordered because the doors I really wanted were on backorder so I settled. Anyways Michel is there now driving Tom crazy and I'm here driving you crazy. Everybody wins. Except for me because I sir still have no coffee," she finished as she held an empty mug and made a puppy dog face. You know the one I'm talking about. The sad lip, wide eye look that small children use to get their way. Yup she's doing that right now. And she wins.

I disappear for a spilt second in order to grab the fresh pot of coffee from the counter in back. I bring it into view and she jumps off her seat. I told you the woman needs to be committed. "Oh my god Luke. I should definitely pull out a round house kick to the face for even joking about not having coffee for me. You know how I am about coffee."

"I wish I didn't." I add as I pour her a large mug of the hot, steaming liquid she drinks as if it was her means to breathe. She wraps her lips around the brim of the mug and takes a sip. Her lips are moist from the black liquid as she swallows hard in satisfaction. She makes eye contact with me and smiles. Her expression of happiness seems to light up the whole room.

"Thank you."

"Anytime." There is a silence now but it's not awkward or filled with tension. It's very comforting. I'm not that great with using my words so I'll take silence over holding conversations any day but with her, I find that it's not so hard to find something to say.

"So still no word from Bonnie and Clyde?"

"Did you hear the phone ring?" She shook her head to say no. "Did you hear a car pull up?" She repeated the motion. "Anything that would signify they have been here since the last time I told you no?"

"Luke. Come on. This is my daughter here and if he..."

"Breaks her heart?"

"I just don't want to see her with that look in her eyes like she's longing for him the way I look when I long for coffee. It's just not healthy for someone her age to be that much in love with someone or maybe it is I don't know. Seriously who am I to talk? I don't think I've ever been in love. Have you?"

I didn't want to answer her because the truth is... well you know the truth. "Once."

"With who?"

I knew she was going to ask that. She couldn't stop herself. "Let's just leave it at once and talk about something else." I said as I took a mug from behind the counter to pour myself a cup of tea. "How are you feeling about tomorrow?"

"I know everything is exactly how it's supposed to be and exactly how I wanted it."

"Except the doors."

"Right except the doors. I've just never been so nervous slash anxious slash excited in my life. Well except when Rory was born but that was a different kind of nervous/excited you know the one filled with fear of screwing up more than anything. I don't feel that about the inn. I know I can do it. It's just..."

"I felt the same way opening the diner. I knew I could do it and that I wanted to do it but there was just that looming feeling that..."

"You are going to have the floor fall from beneath you because your dream is so real and you would give anything for it not to be a complete and utter failure."

"Yeah something like that," I said as a refreshed her cup of coffee.

"Luke," she said my name reluctantly, "I couldn't have done this without you. I mean the only reason I was able to get to this point is because you my best friend decided to give me so much so I could keep going. I don't think I could ever thank you enough."

"Loreali, look at me." I stared deep into her beautiful brown eyes as I spoke. "You are capable of conquering the world if you wanted to. I would do anything for you to help realize your dream and don't worry about thanking me."

She moved her lips as if to speak but no words came out. She just looked at me in a way I've never seen her notice me before. For the first time it felt like she was really seeing me and seeing how much she meant to me. She leaned over the counter a bit more as I leaned closer to her. Our noses were barely two inches apart. The heat and anticipation was so intense I felt myself start to sweat.

"You have always been there for me," she spoke softly almost in a whisper, "and Rory. I didn't realize it until right now but you are the best part of my life. The only real thing I can count on." This is it. The moment is here. I can't breathe. My mouth is dry. I need to take the chance right now and move in for the kill. We leaned in closer. Our noses were touching. Her forehead was resting against mine. Our lips were only millimeters apart.

Then the unthinkable happened. I could hear voices outside but I was trying my hardest to stay in the moment even though I knew it was them. Talk about the worst timing in the world. I could strangle them both for ruining this moment.

They were laughing so loudly in unison as they reached the door. I saw them out of the corner of my eye as Loreali started to lean back from me. I could pull every strand from his head out right now. He reached for the door as we heard him say, "It was definitely the best I've ever had."

"So not fair that was only my first but as far as I can see the best," she stated after.

Loreali's eyes widened before she started to speak. "I swear to god I'll kill him if that's them behind me." She turned her stool to see them standing there shocked to see us sitting here in the dim light of the diner. She practically jumped from her spot and lunged at him. Luckily Rory caught her and I came rushing from behind the counter and grabbed her arms. "He deflowered my little girl after what getting back together for a day. A day! And are you even back together? Rory how could you let this happen? My thinker, my list maker how could you not think about this before letting it happens?"

This was not going well. Not only did they ruin my moment but now she wants to murder Jess. You think they would have more sense then to just talk about having sex in the open like that. Did they forget where we are?

"Calm down Amy Fisher. We didn't have sex," Rory calmly stated. "Mom, we didn't have sex. I swear."

She looked at Rory and knew immediately she wasn't lying. "Then what was all that talk about it being the best he's ever had and it being your first. I don't claim to know everything but I sure as hell know Jess is no saint and Rory that he would be the first."

Jess, who was stationed safely behind the counter at this point, decided to chime in. "We went to New Haven and had aqua massages. I have them all the time in the city because I know the kid that runs the machine.

"An aqua massage?" Loreali questioned.

"Yes," Rory stated as Loreali wrapped her arms around her tightly.

"You have no idea how glad I'm to hear that kid. You have no idea."

No blood was shed this is good. Let's just hope it stays this way and that my nephew can keep his sarcastic mouth shut long enough for things to smooth over.

"Gees Ms. Gilmore," Nope. Why did I for a second think he was going to be an adult about this? And still he keeps talking. "You didn't really think I'd go behind your back and _"deflower"_..."

"That's enough Jess. Upstairs now." He was making air quotes and crossing a line he had to be stopped.

"But..." he began to protest.

"I don't care if you're an adult. I don't care if I'm not legally responsible for you anymore. You will go upstairs and we will talk when Loreali and Rory leave." I'm proud of myself. I can let a lot of things go but Rory is almost like a daughter to me and I can not listen to any more talk about her sex life... or lack there of. Actually I never said that. It's a moot point. End of discussion. I will never say those same words in that context again. Well at least I won't think about it anymore. It's creepy.

Loreali has still not let go of Rory. She's holding on to her like a newborn baby. "I think we should get going. Rory and I have some things to talk about so I'll just see you tomorrow." She released Rory from the hug but still kept a firm kung-fu like grip on her arm while she grabbed her purse off the counter.

"At the inn."

"The inn. Oh yeah because you are staying there for the test run. Of course. Umm yeah so I'll see you tomorrow."

"Tomorrow." It can not be here soon enough.

"Tomorrow," she said as she smiled and nodded while walking backwards towards the door.

"I'll talk to you later Ror," Jess said with a smirk as he waved good-bye to her.

"Good night." Rory smiled and gave Jess this look. I've seen it before. The night Jess had to pick up a part for his car at Gypsy's. They are going to meet up at a pre-discussed location.

Some things never change.

* * *

The walk home is silent. Uncomfortably silent. I've never had an uncomfortable silence with my mother. She's my best friend. We have days where being in silence is all we need. Not tonight. Tonight it is unbearable. I just want her to talk to me. To say something anything about what just happened at Luke's. I have never seen my mother lose control. That's a lie. I have never seen her jump to so many conclusions and lose control over Jess. No. That's a lie too. I have never had her not trust me to know that I would have enough self control to not have sex with Jess two days after seeing him again. That's the truth. I always thought Jess would be my first. We'll I've never had a first so who's to say he won't be anyways not the point. My mother completely lost her cool tonight when she thought that I slept with Jess.

Everything is changing between us. Ever since I started college is like we are living on different planets. I've hardly seen her all year and the times I did see her were rushed. It was not the quality mother/daughter time I've had for the past eighteen years. This situation sucks. I miss her and I want to be able to talk to her about everything at the drop of a pin but everything I want to say lately is better said face to face rather than receiver to receiver.

We are starting to walk up the front steps when she grabs my arm and starts to speak. "Rory I'm glad that you didn't rush into having sex." She turned to me and looked straight into my eyes. "I just want you to know that I'm proud you decided to wait." She turned around and sat on the top step.

Before I had a chance to respond she start un-strapping her heels on the front step. We are two feet from the door and she's taking off her shoes here. "What are you doing?"

"My feet hurt. Someone stole my jeep so I had to walk all day. In _heels_," she stressed as she pulled off her shoes, "So mommy can stop moving at anytime. I can become a bump on a log and there is nothing you can do about because I am the mommy and you are the result of nine hours of agonizing pain." She smiled as she put her shoes side by side between us on the step.

"I forgot how much you complain."

"Only to you sweets only to you."

Silence again.

I am feeling really weird and uncomfortable right now. This here is a once and a lifetime occurrence. At least I hope this does not happen again. It used to be all we needed when we had a fight or bad day in order to understand each other but she just does not fully understand me this time. The fact that she does not trust me when it comes to Jess hurts the most. I know she does not trust him but I never thought the day would come when she would not trust me.

Jess was and will always be a sore spot for us even more so know that I'm _"not acting like myself" _which I can not argue with but for the first, no make that second, time in my life I feel completely alive. Honestly, though she should be supportive of whom I choose to be without and trust me to do what is right for me.

There's that word again trust. She did not come right out and say that she did not trust me but it was very implied by her reaction. I can not fathom a world where she can't trust me.

The past year has been really hard for me, adjusting to being at an Ivy League college, recovering from my break up with Jess, and being away from my mom. There has been so much I've wanted to tell her face to face but getting used to going home at night to a dorm room with girls I barely know and Paris in place of my mom. Like I said before the relationship I have with my mom is changing and that frightens me.

Everything is still. The air. My mom. Me. It's just too silent. I just can not handle it anymore.

"Mom," I said breaking the silence as I rubbed my hands across the top of my jeans, "What if I did have sex with Jess tonight?"

Her head jerked in my direction. "Are you trying to tell me that you did?"

"No. I'm just wondering. You completely lost it tonight."

"Rory, I'm just trying to protect you from making mistakes you can't take back."

"That's all Jess has ever been to you is a mistake."

"That's not what I said Rory and you know it."

"It's exactly what you meant. You said you were going to try to be supportive and understand." This may be the only chance I have to make her understand and still I don't know if it will be enough. "Let me make my own mistakes because its part of growing up. So why, if this is a mistake in your book, can't you let me make it? It's not like I'm running away with him. I still have no idea what Jess and I are to each other again, if we're anything again at all. Let's just say it you don't trust me."

"Now you are talking crazy. Rory, when have I ever said I did not trust you? I let you make your own decisions about Chilton, Dean, Jess, Yale, the green spandex pants and pinkish grey sweatshirt you wore for a month when you were five. And you say I don't trust you. Babe, let me tell you something if I didn't trust you, you would not have had the choice of college, boyfriends, clothes and every other freedom you've had your entire life. That's the life I had and you know that is the last thing I wanted for you."

"Then why did you even think for one second that after seeing Jess again for what two days that I would jump into bed with him? That speaks volumes mom."

"I trust you Ror, I just don't trust Jess."

"Mom, you thought that I slept with Jess."

"I don't know what you want me to say here babe. I was wrong? Is that what you want to hear? Because I don't think I was wrong to assume that Jess forced..."

"Forced?"

"Ok maybe forced is not the right word but…"

"Honestly Mom. Jess would never force me to do anything. You are completely wrong about him."

"Really? Rory tell me one good, honest thing he has done to make me think otherwise."

I had nothing to say. The truth is that Jess did not do anything _"good_" to anyone but me. That's just the way he was. "Jess is not that same person anymore. Why don't you give him a chance to prove it?"

She stood up then bent down and grabbed her shoes. She started to walk towards the door as she reached for it she turned to me. "I'll give him a chance Rory but I'm not making any promises."

"Thanks." It was all I could manage to say.

"Only for you sweets, only for you." She said simply before disappearing into the house.

I think I want to stay out here and think. I just need to clear my head and process everything that is happening. That has happened.

Jess is back.

What does that mean? Is he back for good? Is he back to put a final nail in our coffin? Is he here to ask me to go away with him again? What is he thinking? Feeling? I just don't know. I've never been so sure and confused at the same time.

I want Jess. I know I do. I want him as much now as I did when we first met. I know Jess wants me but what does he want from me? Is he looking for a relationship? Sex? What?

He's saying all the right things that make me want to take that final leap from the comfort of his arms to the warmth of his bed. I wan to finally have the whole package. The entire relationship with all the baggage. I want everything. The good, bad, and the in-between; I want it all. I think I would have had sex with him tonight if **he** didn't stop us on the beach.

That's right **he** stopped us.

_Flashback_

_I could not let him finish his sentence. If either of us started to rationalize this then the kissing, the passion, the love would all be gone. I pulled his lips into mine again. He responded to my liking like I knew, scratch that hoped, he would. We fell to our knees on the cold white sand as he gently leaned me onto my back the kiss grew deeper than it had ever before. I am not going to stop. I can not stop this. Not this time._

_I ran my hands down his back and under his shirt. My hands against his skin never felt so right. His skin was so soft. His muscles are so smooth. I traced my fingers along his back as our tongues danced passionately. _

_His hand ran down my arm and rested on my hip as his other arm rested beneath my head. _

_I moved my hand from his back to his stomach. I moved my hand down slightly and found his belt buckle. I can't think. I can only feel. And I feel that I want him more than anything to devour me right here, right now. I started to fiddle with the belt buckle and he pulled back. 'What's wrong?"_

_He rested on his knees and ran his hand through his hair. He never looked so gorgeous. "Rory, we can't do this."_

_I pushed myself up from lying in the sand. I put my hand over his and looked deep into his eyes. "Jess, I want to do this. I'm ready to do this."_

_He leaned forward and pushed his lips against my forehead then gently laid his lips against mine. "We have plenty of time for this."_

_"Don't you want me?" I was starting to feel really insecure. After all, I'm not Jess' first. Maybe he just doesn't want me the way he wanted those other girls. Maybe I'm just not the girl he wants to sleep with. I'm the girl he wants to have everything else with just not the physical part._

_"I want you more than you'll ever know. I just don't want to screw this up again. Whatever this maybe," he spoke soft and his voice was filled was an incredible sincerity and passion, "Trust me when I say this will be worth waiting for. You are worth waiting for."_

_"So know what?" _

_He pushed himself up from the sand and stood over be before reaching his hand out for mine. "I have an idea." I grabbed his hand and he helped me to my bare feet. He brushed his hand over the back of my hair to help get the sand out. _

_"The downfall to the beach… sand," I said as I wiped the sand off the back of my jeans._

_"Do you want a massage?"_

_"Are you offering to give me one?"_

_"Even better. Trust me," he said as he grabbed my hand and led me back to the car._

_End flashback_

If I had my way tonight, my mom would have flipped out but it definitely would have been for something. She would have been completely right. One detail would have been wrong. I would have been the one that forced the sex thing with Jess. I wanted to so badly. It just felt right.

Jess and I just felt right.

A chill has just entered the air. Not an overwhelming it just dropped twenty degrees chill but one that gives you the sense rain in coming. I love the rain. I love the way the air feels before, during and after a good rain storm. The sound of thunder and seeing the bolts of lighting illuminate the sky. It is one of Mother Nature's spectacular shows and I think I want to sit right here to watch the whole thing unfold.

* * *

"What do you think I'm going to do to her?" I'm getting an intense feeling of déjà vu here. I've had this conversation many times before. Yeah. I'm pretty sure I was standing right exactly here and he was standing right exactly there the last time this conversation unfolded. I can tell you how, when and in which tone he'll say it in too. It definitely has the "Groundhog Day" feel to it and I do not like it. This situation is getting very tedious and quite repetitive.

"You have not changed one bit. I thought you did. I thought you grew up and learned when to shut your damn mouth," he declared in a very stern tone.

"It was a joke Luke."

"It's not a joke. Not to Loreali and not to me."

"I was trying to lighten up the situation. Even you can admit that it was getting very tense down there," I explained as I pulled the chair from the small table in the center of the room and sat down.

"It was uncalled for." Even though he did not say it, he agreed with me. Loreali flipping out on me like that was unnecessary. "You really have to learn to think before you speak."

"That whole thing downstairs was just awkward and superfluous."

"Superfluous, huh?" He repeated as he pulled out the chair across from me and sat down.

"Unnecessary. Excessive. Over the top. Any of those ringing a bell?"

"Listen smart ass I may not be a human thesaurus but I know what superfluous means." Do not let him kid you. He had no idea. He's just trying to act like he knows more than he actually does. Don't get me wrong Luke is a very bright guy but the English language is not his forte.

"Are you sure? You kind of had this blank look that resembled that of Victor Navorski when Frank Dixon was trying to explain to him that he couldn't leave JFK."

"How many times have you seen that movie?"

"Four. It's a decent date movie." I have been on four dates in the past year. Ironically back to back because every girl wanted to see the same movie. Needless to say the plot sticks like an old band aid. "Comedy, drama, romance all mixed into one plus Catherine Zeta-Jones is not horrible to watch for two hours."

"I won't argue with you there." Luke and I have very little in common as far as interests goes. I like to read and well he owns five books, three of them are about walking tours in New York. But there is one thing that we have in common; we both are in love with a Gilmore girl. That is something very few men have the displeasure of knowing.

I'm kidding being in love with Rory is the best part of me… it keeps me going and pushing forward even when we are apart. That's what the love of a Gilmore will do… make you better inside and out.

"Jess, I just want you to be careful with her this time."

"I didn't have sex with her Luke. She wanted to and I mean she wanted to, she was practically begging…."

"Okay stop please." He said as he got up from his chair and started to pace around the room. "I told myself I did not need to ever think about Rory and sex in the same thought so please."

"I'm just trying to be honest here Luke," I say in the most innocent, boyish tone. I know it pisses him off.

"Jackass."

I chuckle. He means it in the best possible way. No Johnny Knoxville reference intended on his part. "Listen I know that me being back here is going to be strange for everyone, I just I don't know what is going to happen here."

"What's your plan?"

"Nothing. For all I know tomorrow I could be back on the road to nowhere." And that's the truth. I have no long term plans for staying here. My intent was never to stay here this long but I trusted Luke to stick around to just see what was going on and I did. I guess I should thank him because I got to see her again. I now know that she does want to be with me, hell she went all the way to New York to tell me that she changed her mind.

"You can't just take off on her again."

"I'm not going to." I made that mistake before. There was no way I was going to walk away without knowing for sure if this is the right time for us. It may turn out that the timing is wrong again. Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman's characters in Casablanca had the same problem. Timing was constantly off. The first time Ilsa ran out on Rick in Paris. I ran out on Rory, twice, in Stars Hallow. Then when they reunited the Germans & Victor Laszlo kept them apart again.

This is my third shot with Rory. If the timing isn't right I think I could be okay with that. At least I would know.

"Then what are you gong to do Jess?" He doesn't want me to hurt her. I can't blame him. I don't want to hurt her either. Rory is like a daughter to him and I know deep down I'm like a son to him so he just wants the best for both of us. No matter what that may be.

"I'm just trying to figure out what's going on with Rory right now. That's the most important thing."

"Just don't take off in the middle of the night," he said as he headed towards the bathroom. "Since your sticking around, you should come with me to the inn tomorrow."

"Yeah I meant to ask you about that. It sounded like you and Loreali where going on a romantic weekend away or something," I said as I got up and walked over to the refrigerator. My throat is really dry for some reason. Need to quench thirst. I open the door and grab the first bottle of water I see.

"It's not Loreali and I. I mean it is for Loreali and yes I'll be there but just for support and all. She is opening her own inn and the whole town is going to test out the kinks." If he could be any more obvious I would be vomiting right now. But it is amusing to watch him try to hide his feelings for Loreali. Very amusing. It should be a reality show.

"So lab rats we are." I say as I take a sip of my water. That is very refreshing. My throat likes to be wet, "I'm kidding. You really need to lighten up."

"Come. Don't come. Your choice," he said before closing the bathroom door.

I walk over to the window and for the first time since I've been back, I take a good look down at the town. It's raining now. The water washes over the pavement like the waves wash over the sand as the tide comes in. The rain drops trickle down the leafs making their own unique path down before disappearing into the rush of water.

* * *

Rain is such an amazing sight. I really like the way the air smells right after it rains. It's revitalizing. Like a new beginning. I know its really cheesy but hey maybe I'm getting soft.

I do trust her. No matter what she says or what she thinks I trust her. I just have to get used to having him around again. I promised her I would give him another chance. I really am going to try. I want her to know that I am doing this for her. It is going to be really hard for me.

I just finished getting into my pink comfy bed pants and white tank top when my cell phone starts to ring. I jump onto to the bed to retrieve my phone on the nightstand near the window.

"Hello."

"Hey doll." The raspy, smoker's voice could only belong to one person.

"Hi Babette." Of course it's Babette. Who else would it be at this hour? She probably over heard my whole argument with Rory.

"Listen, I didn't know if you knew but Rory's outside on the front porch. I think she might have gotten locked out but its raining so I don't want the poor thing to catch a cold."

"I knew she was out there, she not locked out she's probably just enjoying the rain. You know how she loves the rain."

"Yeah, I remember when she was about 10, little thing ran around outside in that pretty blue dress you made for her for hours while it rained. She wouldn't come in for anything."

"That's Rory, can't reason with her when it comes to the things she loves." I say it like its not big deal. Like its something as easy as changing your underwear everyday. Letting go of her is hard as hell. When you have a kid as great as her and you're as close as us, you tell me how to just let go. "But thank you so much for calling Babette. I appreciate it."

"No problem doll. I'll see ya tomorrow for the test run. Morey and I are so excited; do you have those coin operated beds?" I don't even want to know why she is asking just answer her and get off the phone.

"Sorry Babette I don't."

"It's a shame because Morey and I…"

"I really have to go Babette I got another call coming in. I'll see you and Morey tomorrow."

"Ok doll. Have a good night."

"You too," I say as I hang up the phone and throw myself back onto my bed. I love these people I really do but sometimes there is just too much information.

Is Rory still sitting outside in the rain? It wouldn't surprise me. Ever since she was little she always loved the rain. Some nights it was the only thing that would calm her down when she was a baby. The nights it rained she would cry until I opened the window. The sound of the rain was soothing to her. The rain is her snow. I love snow. I just love the way it blankets everything and turns everything into this pure white sheet. It's such an amazing sight.

I walked downstairs to go check on her. I was going to just open the door and tell her to come inside but something stopped me. I walked into the living room and peered out the window.

She was still there alright but she wasn't sitting on the porch and she wasn't alone.

There she was standing in the walk way up the house with Jess. She is smiling and laughing. I really want her to be happy. I can't believe it. I just saw Jess smile and laugh simultaneously. I didn't know he could do either let alone both at the same time.

I really should not be watching. I trust her. I just I can't help myself. Being curious isn't a crime isn't it? I guess I just want to see him through her eyes. The _good_ Jess.

I watch as he puts his hands on her face and pulls her lips to his. The rain is making this all the more dramatic and as much as I hate to say it… romantic. I never pictured Jess for romantic but here he is standing in the rain making out with my daughter. Both of them are absolutely drenched. I watch for what seems like an hour but really only about two minutes have passed and they finally pull away from each other.

There just standing there holding hands smiling and I think whispering. I can't tell if they are talking or just trying to catch their breath. I can't believe I'm going to do this but I think it'll be a step in the right direction.

I walk to the door and take a deep breathe before opening the door. "Jess, Rory," I say as I step out onto the porch with my arms folded across my chest, "Why don't you two come inside? You can get some dry clothes on and I'll make some coffee."

They are both surprised by my gesture. I'm shocked by it too but I told Rory that I would give Jess another chance and I will. I'm trying. I can tell by the way Rory is trying to convince him he is being cautious. "Come on, I'm sure I can find you some sweats and a tee shirt to wear. Plus bonus I just bought _"Napoleon Dynamite"_ so what do you say?"

I watched Rory turn to Jess and whisper something to him. He nodded his head and she led him up to the porch. Rory mouthed _"thank you"_ to me as Jess let go of her hand.

He reached it out to me, "I'm sorry about earlier. I was just trying to …"

"Hey don't worry about it," I say as I place my hand on his back, "If the places were reversed I would have done the same thing." Okay so that's almost true. I think I would have done the same thing… try to lighten the mood that's just the type of personality I have. I don't take many things seriously just things that pertain directly to Rory.

"Rory," I called to her as I followed Jess into the house, "Go upstairs in the guest room and get Jess some dry clothes. I think you can find something for him. I'm going to start the coffee."

I know it was not something big. Dry clothes, coffee, and movie. It may not have been a big deal for him probably more of a nuisance but it meant something to Rory and really that's all that matters.


	10. Testing 1,2,3

A/N: All I can say is "Wow!" I was not expecting such wonderful feedback as this chapter took me forever to write. I thought a lot of people forgot about this story but I'm happy to see familiar people reviewing and welcome to you new readers. I just have been really inspired to write lately and I'm really glad that everyone is enjoying it. I've read some reviews about updates being far & few between… that is changing. I plan to have a new chapter up once every two to three weeks until the story is finished.

Characters may be OOC but its hard to keep them in character to tell this story.

Disclaimer: Sadly, I own nothing. Everything belongs to someone that isn't me. The only thing I own is my new computer so I can give you lots and lots of updates.

* * *

I reached my arm across the bed and felt nothing. I slowly began to open my eyes and noticed the note in place of a body. I sat up, pulled the comforter to my chest before rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. I reached over and grabbed the note, widening my eyes to make sense of the scribble. 

_Good Morning Vietnam,_

_Anyways, lots and lots of things to do today. You thought you could make a long list, let me tell you about the binder I have of lists… well no time for that. Get up, get dressed and come to the inn. You can help me out with some things before everyone comes._

_Mom_

I threw my head back onto the pillows. I'm so exhausted. I wish Maleficent would cast a spell just over my house so I could sleep until my Prince Charming comes to wake me up. God Jess is the furthest thing from Prince Charming, he's not that tall, no blonde hair, no blue eyes… he's just Jess. I really love him just the way he is. Still doesn't change the fact that I would love to be Princess Aurora maybe for like a week. That should be ample time for me to recover from finals and all the other things going on.

Speaking of Jess? Is he still here?

Last night was a lot of fun, I thought to myself as I headed into the bathroom to freshen up. My hair is a mess and my breath is less then appealing, ugh, I hate mornings sometimes. It was really nice of my mom to offer our home open to Jess like that, I thought as I brushed the knots out of my hair, and where she got the men's sweats and tee-shirt is beyond me. Well not so much where as when. I think she might have picked them up for Mr. Medina thinking that he would be living here soon enough but seeing as the tags were still on the garments, I don't think Max ever knew about them.

I tied my hair in a loose ponytail and grabbed my toothbrush from the cup in the corner by the sink. Anyways, last night went better than I could have hoped. Once we got out of our wet clothes, mom had already set out a variety of junk food on our coffee table and was bringing out some freshly brewed coffee. It was great.

We talked and laughed. We ate and watch "Napoleon Dynamite". It was really amazing and I was really glad to see my mom trying. She promised me she was going to make an effort and see the real Jess; the Jess that I know better than anyone. The movie was okay. It certainly had it moments but the whole time I kept thinking: what the hell is really going on here?

One of the highlights was seeing Jess imitate John Heder. There was this scene where Napoleon calls his brother Kip and asks him to bring in his chap stick. He says _"Because my lips hurt real bad."_ Jess did such a great impression. Yes Jess did an impersonation and we all laughed for such a long time. Then of course my mom decided to try and she sounded so ridiculous.

I was happy to see Jess trying to let people, especially my mother, see the real him and that he has changed. He's not the same punk that came to rock Stars Hollow the first time around. He still has that sarcastic mouth and sometimes he doesn't think before he speaks but I would not want that to change about him. That's too much to ask any person to do. Growing up is one thing but altering your personality is another.

I finished brushing my teeth and did a quick gargle of mouth wash before heading downstairs. I look myself once over in the mirror to make sure that I don't look completely gross and turn off the bathroom lights before heading downstairs.

I start down the steps and realize the body that was there last night was no longer present. Instead a note lay on the couch. I shrug my shoulders, wondering what was going on this morning and hurried to the sofa to read the note.

_Finally out of bed I see. Yeah you'll notice Jess is not here. I made sure he had a nice wake up call this morning. Don't worry I did not permanently scar the boy but a word to the wise kid… he does not like being woken up by a cold bucket of water. I'm kidding. He's giving me a hand at the inn with Desmonda and Cletus. Ok I'm kidding again. He's probably at Luke's. But I will see you when you get here sweets._

Part of me knew that Jess would not still be here on the couch but part of me was hoping. It was nice enough of my mom to not wake him up and make him walk home at two o'clock in the morning. The catch was I had to sleep in mom's bed, it's not like I haven't done it before. I've spent many nights in my mom's bed and no it's not in a creepy, weird Michael Jackson thing. It's a best friend, mother/daughter, bonding thing.

Come to think of it the last time I slept in mom's bed was the night my Dad told her that Sherry was pregnant and he was going to marry her. My mom's heart was broken… again. It was not the first time my Dad let her down but that time she was expecting more from him. So was I.

I stopped hoping a long time ago for my mom and dad to get back together. The truth is I'm glad my life was the way it was. I didn't have a dad but I had Mia and all of Stars Hollow looking out for me. They always made me feel special and important.

Talk about getting off on a tangent. I looked over at the clock on table by the phone.

8:42 a.m.

I should probably take a shower and get dressed so I can go help mom out at the inn. I can't believe today is finally here. She's worked so hard to have this and I'm very excited for her.

I venture into my room to decide on wardrobe for the day. Let's see I'll be helping mom with prepping last minute details, dusting etc. so nothing to formal. However, I will be having direct contact with the guests so….

"Hmmm." I say out loud as I look over the array of clothes in my closet. I have so many clothes and still nothing to wear. I'm thinking jeans and a nice blouse. Jeans are a bit too casual. Aren't they? Well with the right top and the right shade, maybe really dark blue jeans, they could look really good right?

I should just call mom and ask her. She knows every piece of clothing in the house and from the inn she could pick me out a fantastic outfit to fit my dilemma. But here is lies the issue, she is probably running around the inn like a chicken with its head cut off.

I won't call.

The ringing of the house phone interrupts my predicament for the time being. I'm really hoping this is mom, would certainly save me the trouble of bothering her since technically she is bothering me. "You win for now wardrobe but I will return and conquer," I say like I'm expecting a response. I'm crazy I know it but I'll be damned if my closet keeps provoking me. It's like its saying look at all the clothes in here. So much money spent and still you have nothing. Ha.

The phone keeps ringing. "Hello," I say into the receiver as soon as I raise it to my right ear.

"So here's the deal, I was a really good last night. I played nice, laughed, told jokes, made fun of myself and still at nine o'clock in my hour of need you are nowhere to be found."

"I got in a fight." I say as I walk back into my room and stare blankly at my closet, again. Still nothing is jumping out at me.

"I told you to stop trying to use the stove; it turns bright red and gets very mean every time you try to cook on it."

"Nah, I skipped that fight."

"Oven?"

"Nope."

"Washing machine?"

"No, closet."

"Ah, a fight I have many mornings myself yet I always come out victorious. My closet is no match for me."

"So far my closet is wining. I just can't find anything to wear. I don't want to be too casual because it's the opening..."

"Test run."

"Test run. Anyways, I'm the owners daughter I can't just bum around all day in a tee-shirt and jeans but I know that I'm going to be helping you out so I can't do anything too fancy. I was thinking dark jeans and a blouse."

"Sweetie, did you think I was going to have you painting? Scrubbing the floors? Cleaning the chimney?"

"Well you said you need me help?"

"Yes help not Cinderella. Just help with making sure the guests are comfortable and keep everything moving. Strictly hostess status here."

"See that changes the dilemma I had. I just don't want to over or under do it."

"Give me a sec, I need to close my eyes and get a visual."

"That astral projection thing you think you have going on is getting weird."

"Shannon Doherty did it."

"She also got married and divorced twice… do you really want to follow in her footsteps?"

"No but come on astral projection how cool would that be?"

"Very. Now mom, my wardrobe kind of needs your input here?"

"Okay I'm seeing that grayish denim skirt and wait…,"As she is talking and describing these pieces for me I'm trying to find them to pull out of the closet. She is a regular Elena Castaneda. If running the inn wasn't her forte being an image consultant certainly would be. "I'm seeing green but not that lime green a softer tone. Oh I see that green three-quarter length top with the light pink preppy shirt feel on the collar and sleeves."

"I found the skirt," I report as I continue to look rummage through the tops, "I'm just not seeing the top." I'm pushing hangers to the side and still see nothing. "Mom I have too many clothes."

"Blasphemy!" She yells into the receiver, "How dare you say that?"

"Ok I can't find that green pink sweater thing but I did find," I said as I struggled to pull out another top from my overstuffed closet, "that woven green tank with the pleated empire waist."

"Is that the one where it's kind of loose fitting below your boobs?"

"Yeah that's the one," I confirm as I hold it in front of me while I take a look in my mirror.

"That one is really cute but I think we should go with the black capris instead. You don't want to the flow from the shirt to mess up the flow of the skirt."

"It's denim."

"It's still a skirt."

"I think you are right," I finally agree as I head to my dresser to find my black capris. I only own one pair so they are easy to find amongst my other spring/summer attire. "I think I have myself an outfit now."

"Finally, I'm telling you cartoon characters have it so easy." She goes on as I lay my clothes out on my bed.

"You're telling me Wilma, Betty, getting up in the morning must have been a breeze." I concur as I start heading upstairs to the bathroom. Its getting late and I should already be there but in my defensive she is delaying me now.

"Or even Barbie. She doesn't have to pick out clothes everyday some little girl does it for her and she always looks good."

"You do have a point there." Sometimes humoring her is the only way to get her off the phone.

"So when are you going to get here?"

"As soon as I get you off the phone and me into the shower," I said as I got two towels out of the linen closet and turn on the water for the shower.

"Getting here while in the shower should be an amazing feet David Copperfield."

"See I just wasn't studying philosophy and journalism, I become a magician in between classes."

"Impressive. Can you just get here before everyone else, please?"

"If I'm not there a white rabbit with a pocket watch will be along to tell you that I'm running late."

"Ok sweets."

"Bye Mom." I say before pressing end on the cordless phone. I placed on the counter and proceed to take the appropriate steps to get into the shower.

As I step in the hot water on my skin feels like needles. It's a much different feeling than the rain falling over you. But nothing beats a hot shower. Well except a kiss in the rain.

* * *

I only slept for four hours last night. I was expecting to sleep at least until nine. I'm exhausted after the last few days. There was whole lot of emotional outpouring, growth and all that jazz. 

Hell, I even was on my best behavior last night.

I never had to impress any of my ex-girlfriend's parents. They probably did not care enough to meet me and I sure as hell did not care enough about any of those girls to make an effort.

I hate that I'm so cynical. I really do. I want to be happy. I think I could be good at being happy. Its just has taken me so long to get to this point. The point where I think I could be happy. It's not such a reach anymore. Not with her.

"Hey," I hear his course voice yell at me, "there is still a diner full of people the need more coffee."

"I'm working on it," I answered sarcastically as I made the rounds around Luke's refilling empty, half full and refreshing people's coffee. My pot was empty so I moved behind the counter to make a fresh pot.

"Listen," Luke started as he himself made his way behind the counter with empty plates, "thanks for helping out this morning."

"Yeah no problem. It was either this or give Lorelai a hand with Mr. and Mrs. Ed," I responded as I placed a fresh coffee filter in the coffee machine, "as much fun as that sounded."

"You took off last night."

"Yeah." What did he want from me? An explanation? I did not need to give one. I'm an adult and technically not back in Stars Hollow living under his roof. Even if I decide to stick around and there is a lot riding on that decision right now, who said that I was going to go back and live with that closet trekkie. That's right I know you should see the pictures my mom had of him. Talk about a freak.

"Yeah? That's all you have to say."

"Pretty much."

"Jess."

"Look I wasn't out running wild or being disorderly as Taylor would say. You would have heard about it by now, this is Stars Hollow," I replied as I took the newly filled coffee pot back out to make rounds.

I really do hate a lot of things about this town. Too many fucking people in my business. Too many stupid ass functions like this new bullshit Ice Cream Shoppe's tribute to strawberries because of a town strawberry festival. What modern town does this shit?

I've seen one movie with a strawberry festival. Surprisingly it was set in the south. I know shocking and the only reason I sat through it was because my mom thought seeing Patrick Swayze and Wesley Snipes in drag was hilarious. By the way, I will hang myself if I have to sit through that movie again. Julie Newmar may have been a gorgeous women in her day but honestly I whole movie dedicated to her so she can make a cameo in the last two minutes of the movie. Please. I'd rather see _"The Village"_ one hundred more times.

"Jess."

"Kirk." This man is a strange one. I often wonder how many cards he's missing from his deck if you know what I mean. He asks really uncanny questions at awkward times. He is a peculiar, complicated man. I don't know how Luke deals with him sometimes.

"I was wondering if I could ask you a question."

"Shoot."

"No I don't want to shoot you." He said as he laughed nervously. I told you sad, strange little man. "Where would you get an idea like that? Who have you been talking to?"

"Relax."

"Oh right it's that sarcasm thing you have. I never did get used to that. Probably because I didn't have the chance to, you weren't around very long," he continued on as I poured him a fresh cup of coffee. "You know mother has been getting that way lately about Lulu. Every time…"

"I'm leaving."

"Ok," he said as he grabbed my arm. I hate when people grab at me for no reason. Like right now, that is why I pulled my arm away from his grasp swiftly. "Is making out in the rain uncomfortable?"

"What?" Why is he asking me? Do I look like Dr. Ruth? I'm definitely not the poster child for romantic advice. That's not the impression I give.

"I was talking to Lulu this morning before I came for breakfast; we are going to Lorelai's test run today as well so she's packing for that right now…"

"Kirk." I just want him to get to his point already. I'm hoping there is one and he'll get to it before the whole day passes by.

"Oh right, anyways she said something about how romantic it would be to get kissed in the rain and that Rory was so lucky to have that happen to her." As soon as he said that everything made since. After all this is Stars Hollow, nothing is private or sacred. People hear really need to get a fucking life. "So of course I asked who the lucky guy was, at first I thought it might be Dean but then I remembered his married so it…"

"Kirk." So Dean's married? Not surprisingly choir boy took a wife right out of high school. I remember the night he told me this was his town. I had to laugh because come to find out Dean is from Chicago. Let him have this town, its all he'll ever be.

"Sorry. So how is it? Does the rain take away from the feeling of the kiss? Is it hard to look into her eyes?"

"Find out for yourself Kirk." I responded as I walked away from his table. Really I don't want to answer his question. Kissing in the rain is very erotic. And how do you explain erotic to Kirk? He still lives with his mother.

"The rain scares me. The sound of thunder and lightning makes me think of war."

"Kirk," Luke says from across the room. It's about damn time. Save me from this torture that is Kirk asking questions. "Finish eating and go somewhere that isn't here."

"Actually Luke I need a favor," he started.

"No."

"But it's really important and you're the only person I can confide in," Kirk went on pleading as he followed Luke around the diner.

"Oh come on Uncle Luke, you're the only person he can trust," this is too funny. I may hate this town and ninety percent of the people here but watching them annoy Luke is worth it. I'll deal with their questions, comments and stares if I can watch them aggravate and or humiliate Luke.

"Don't you have somewhere you have to be?" He asks as he tries to stop Kirk from coming behind the counter. He's holding him back with one arm. It's an amusing site. "Kirk, don't even think about coming back here."

"As a matter of fact I do." That's a lie but hey I'll find something to do trust me. I'll knock over a liquor store or something. I'm joking. Yeah that's right I made a joke. I'm just a funny ass guy. What can I say? Fuck that. I'm the farthest thing from funny but I can make Rory laugh so it's worth it to make a fool of myself but only once in a while.

I placed down the coffee pot on the back counter. I toke the notepad and pencil out of my back pocket and placed it next to the cash register. "Later Luke."

"Don't forget about the inn," he yelled to me as I exited the building. "Kirk, what are you trying to accomplish here?"

Yeah I definitely missed this part of being here. Watching the crazies absolutely puts me in a better mood. I stepped out into the street and felt the sun on my face, much like the first time I came here, with a book in my other back pocket, I'm going to find a place to sit and read before I go to the inn. I start walking and before I know it I find myself at my favorite place.

The bridge.

* * *

11:00 am 

"Rory, do you have the list of the rooms?" The time is finally here. My inn is really opening. Well technically not opening but this really makes it real. I'm about to find out if this is really going to work. I'm really scared here.

"Yes." She answered me from behind the lobby desk as I paced back and forth in front of the entrance to the inn.

"The keys?" I have to make sure everything is ready. I want this weekend to be perfect. True it's only my neighbors and close friends but these are the people I trust to be honest with me above all else. I know they will. At least I hope most of them will be. I think it's comforting knowing at least Taylor will be here. He'll find something and everything to complain about. I knew I would be able to count on him for something, someday.

"They are right next to the list of the rooms and occupants." She assures me. She's such a great kid. I really glad that she is here to share this with me. So she wasn't there to see my graduate from my community college, which was now that I think of it because of Jess but hey I'm supposed to be moving on from all the _bad _things he's ever done; starting over with him to see the "real" Jess.

It's going to be an interesting weekend.

"You just have to relax mom," she says as she puts her hand on my shoulder, "This is going to be great. I can feel it." I smiled at her. She's right. I know she is. I think I just needed to hear it from her.

"Lorelai," a French accent echoed over my walkie-talkie. Yes I have a walkie-talkie. It's so much fun. After today I plan on giving one to Rory to keep at the house then I can have one here and all summer I can bother here even when I'm busy here. It will be great. "The guests are here."

"Michel, they can't be here yet we're supposed to have another half hour," I say back into the walkie-talkie. "Stall them."

"What do you expect me to do? Give them a tour of a town they already live in," he responded with that nasty French sarcasm. Michel drives me so crazy but I don't think I could do this without him. If it wasn't for Sookie and Michel I would probably just settle for managing another inn, just fall back and do what I did at the Independence Inn. I wouldn't be taking this risk.

"If it works, sure." I'm begging him to stall so I can finish my tenth walk through. I have to make sure beds are made, mints are on pillows, and flowers are on the tables. There is so much to check on still. Okay maybe I'm being a little neurotic but give me a break it's not like I'm turning into Tony Shalhoub. Detective Adrian Monk I am not. Well not normally in my own house but here is different. I'm so nervous. I think I'm going to throw up.

"I'm coming up now," he repeated back. I can hear the extra long golf carts coming up the drive way to the inn.

"Everyone the guests are here," I yell to my staff and I watch as they all flock to the front of the inn so we can greet our guests, "Its go time."

I was the first to step out onto the porch, followed by Rory and the rest of the staff as Michel drove the first car up to the inn. "Welcome to the Dragonfly Inn," I greeted my friends as they got out of the golf carts and admired what all of our hard work turned into.

"Look at that Babette," I overhear Miss Patty say, "horses."

"Yes that's Desdemona and Cletus," I clarify as I walk over to the two ladies. "So what do you think so far?"

"Lorelai everything is lovely," Miss Patty answered. "The horses are such a nice touch. It looks better than I remember it."

"Well I hope you guys enjoy yourselves," I replied as I walked over to greet some more of the guests personally.

"Lorelai," the older mans voice called to me, "are we expected to bring our own bags in?"

"No of course not Taylor," I turned around and motioned to the bell boys, Ron, Jeremy and Jason to come assist Taylor with his things, "These guys will be helping you and just see Rory at the front desk on your way in, she'll give you the key to the room you'll be staying in."

"This is very nice so far Lorelai but I'm taking notes on everything," Taylor assured me as he jotted some more things down on the paper he was carrying. If I'm not mistaken he brought his own comment cards. This is sick but I appreciate that I have one guest that won't be biased. A pain in the ass yes but partial is something Taylor is not.

"I'm counting on it Taylor. Enjoy," I say as I watch the guests file inside. Everyone seems to be enjoying it so far. This is going to be a good weekend. It has to be.

* * *

I think I have everything. Let's see a bag of clothes. Check. Flowers. Check. Ok I think I'm good to go. I'm really excited to see what the final product is of the inn I've invested in. I'm more anxious to see her though. 

Last night we were so close. We almost kissed. Our lips were practically touching before Jess and Rory came back. They never have good timing; with each other or for other people. Lorelai really saw me last night and I think we're on the same page. I'm just going to do this the romantic way. Just like the book said. I'm tired of waiting for her. I just want to be with her.

I left Caesar in charge of the diner for the weekend. Lane volunteered to help out too since Mrs. Kim disapproved of her going to the test run. Lane is a good kid. I'm a little worried about her ability as a waitress but I shouldn't worry too much. Most of the town will be at the Dragonfly all weekend anyways. Everything will be fine.

Before I knew it, I was standing in front of the inn. The finished product was an impressive sight. I always appreciated the architecture in this town, for instance the Twykham house. They don't build houses like that anymore. It would be a great place to have a family someday.

Anyway, here goes nothing I decide as I walk up the steps and into the inn. As soon as I enter, I look to my left and see Lorelai and Rory behind the check in desk. "Hi, sorry I'm late."

Lorelai looks up and her blue eyes meet mine. It's so easy to get lost in her eyes. "I'm glad you could make it." She looks down at my hand and notices the flowers. She's tempted to say something inappropriate but she doesn't. Maybe she is hoping they are for her. I hope she is hoping that I brought these for her.

"Oh, these are for you," I chime in as I bring the flowers up and hand them to her. "A congratulations for the opening."

"Luke, thank you." I watch as she takes in the scent of the assorted flowers. I know her favorite flowers are daisies but something said daisies are just going to remind her of Max. I don't want her to think about Max Medina. I want her thinking about me. About us.

"Is Jess coming?" Rory finally asks breaking the silence between Lorelai and me.

"He should be here by now," I answered honestly and I saw the look in Rory's face. She was disappointed. I know what she's thinking. Jess took off again. I may not know where he is but if he took off again I will kick his ass. "He's probably just off reading somewhere. I sent him away from the diner for a break so he should be heading straight here."

"We'll see right," Rory said somberly, "Luke," she said my name again, "you are in room seven." She told me as she handed me the key to my room. "And if Jess show's up he'll be bunking with you."

I took the key from her hand. "Thank you." I felt sorry for Rory. I don't want her to be sad. This was Jess' chance to prove something and he's not here. Where the hell is he?

"Rory," Lorelai said trying to comfort her daughter, "He'll be here."

"I'm sorry I'm late," a voice called from the doorway. He was out of breath and looked like he'd been sweating a bit but he was here. "I got caught up reading. I just lost track of time."

I watched as a look of relief washed over Lorelai's face. Rory rushed out from behind the desk and embraced Jess. I watched as He held her tightly and kissed her lightly on her lips. He really has changed.

"Jess, you're bunking with me." I was pleased to inform him. Well not really. I would rather have a different bunk mate tonight but hey at least Lorelai and I are under the same roof.

"Come on, Lorelai, couldn't I get my own room?"

"I think its best you share with Luke. No offense."

"None taken." They were being civil; almost nice to each other. No they were being nice to each other. When did this happen? I feel very out of the loop. "Congratulations on the inn by the way it looks great."

"Thanks Jess, it's great to have you join us this weekend. Why don't you and Luke make yourselves comfortable and we'll see you later."

"Sounds like buckets of fun," he said as he kissed Rory on the forehead. Rory laughed. I knew it was because she thought the same thing I had. The children's game Mr. Bucket. You remember the commercial. Yeah I'm sorry to report it's still burned in my mind.

"Let's go Romeo," I said to him as he started to leave Rory's side. "We will see you later." I smiled to Lorelai and she smiled back. I think I saw her blush a little. Maybe it was the flowers. Maybe it was her being frustrated with Jess. Or maybe just maybe I made her nervous. I want to be the one to make her nervous.


	11. And the Surprises Keep Coming

_**Authors Note:** I'm sorry this took a while to write. I have so many ideas for this story and I don't want it to lose its point so I'm taking my time writing each chapter from this point on. I thank you so much for your reviews they really keep me going. I have been doing these last few chapters without a beta… I've found that I need one because it'll help my writing flow with an outsider's point of view. Any volunteers? Let me know._

_**Disclaimer:** I own nothing. Everything belongs to ASP, the WB & the CW. Some dialogue from this chapter is property of ASP._

* * *

I lied. 

I don't know why you're surprised you shouldn't be. I, Jess Mariano, am notorious for lying. The difference is I haven't really been lying to anyone but myself. When I left New York, I said I didn't have a plan. I have no idea where I'm going or where I'll end up.

That's all a lie.

Believe it our not I, Jess Mariano, had a plan. It's just that sometimes plans change. When I came here to say good-bye to Luke, I never expected to run into Rory again. Okay so maybe more than anything I wanted to avoid her.

Do you blame me?

I should be somewhere else right now. Somewhere I can start over. Starting over here is going to be like slamming my head into the wall. I'm not going to accomplish anything. Well I never said I was definitely staying here. I do have somewhere else I could be. I'm not completely sure I want to go there though. I still have to let everything sink. Nothing has really stuck yet. The events of the past few days are a complete blur.

Now I'm here sitting at a table with Luke, Babette and Miss Patty getting ready to eat dinner at Lorelai's inn. It is really strange being here. It would be one thing to be here sitting with Rory but we are on opposite ends of the room. She's sitting conversing with Jackson and now Lorelai, who is making the rounds.

Tonight almost reminds me of the Bracebridge dinner I attended at the Independence Inn. I'm enjoying this much more. The image of Kirk and Rune in those ridiculous outfits are somewhat burned into my memory. It isn't an image that pops into my head often. Mostly being in this similar setting makes me think about it.

This town is so warped.

Staying here is going to make me crazy sooner or later. I won't admit this to many people, not even Rory, hell I can't even believe I'm admitting it to myself but I miss living here. But only for a minute then I remember all the bizarre people. I think about Taylor chasing me around town, blaming me for every little thing that went wrong. And he was right. I took Babette and Morey's garden gnome, I drew the outline of a body outside of Doosey's Market and I being the ruffian that I am, even _"over paid"_ for a tiny basket for the pleasure of Rory's company. I'm such a horrible guy.

But here I am. Just sitting waiting for something interesting to happen. I know it will. It's Stars Hollow. And in case just being Stars Hollow isn't enough, Kirk is here. That should lead to an eventful night. Even though Kirk is very off balance; he is entertaining to have around.

I don't even know why I'm here.

I shouldn't be here. I should be there. And I know that seems selfish but I can't help but be selfish. It's my future waiting for me. I know it's not much but its there and it's my chance to do something great. That's right. I want to do something fucking spectacular with my life.

Is that too much to want?

I'm never going to go to college. First of all, it's too much god-damn money. Secondly, I think it's a conspiracy. I'm going to basically learn the same bullshit I learned in high school only I get to pay twelve grand a year to do it. Fuck college. I don't need it. School has always been an unnecessary chore. Some people love school. Rory loves school. School and are arch enemies.

Lorelai is making her way over to my table now. Miss Patty and Babette are fluffing their robes from the inn. You would think that the common courtesy of coming to dinner dressed would be too much to ask. And there is Luke just staring down at his salad like it's about to roll over or play dead. I wonder why he's so uncomfortable. He grew up here. I should be the one staring awkwardly at my plate but no it's him, the townie. Then again something insanely uncomfortable could have happened before I came down here. I had to take an important phone call just as it was announced dinner was ready so yeah I bet I missed something good. Anything that embarrasses Luke is classic.

"Hi, how is everything this evening?" Lorelai greeted us.

"Oh my god," Babette squealed in her raspy voice, "these robes!"

"What are they made of?" Miss Patty fittingly chimed in, "'Cause I'm never getting dressed again."

"How are you doing?" She asks me.

"I'm fine. Everything here is really nice," I compliment her, "But Luke, he hasn't stopped staring at his salad."

"What happened?" Lorelai questioned.

"He's shy," Babette answered, "My bathrobe slipped earlier. His poor little heart couldn't take it." Honestly not an image I wanted to think about. Poor Luke. I felt for him on this one. I'd be staring at my salad too if I was him.

"He's been staring at his salad ever since," Miss Patty added.

"And I missed all this… darn nab it." I felt the need to add that in. First of all I didn't want to be associated with seeing any part of Babette unclothed. Secondly, it embarrassed Luke a little more. His face is about fifteen different shades of red right now. It's hilarious.

"I like salad," Luke finally manages to say. And what was that? Did I really see what I think I saw? Of course I did. A blind man could have seen that. They were looking at each other exchanging smiles like deer caught in headlights. The both of them. It is sickening. They are glancing and smiling and it's sickening. They should get a room.

"Patty, you want to try my fish?" Babette asks as she cuts a piece of fish for her friend.

"Fish has too much mercury," she says trying to politely decline.

"For this fish you'll have mercury," Babette insists.

"Oh yeah," Miss Patty says with a wondering tone as Babette places a piece of fish on her plate.

"You do know Patty," I feel the need to but in here. I've been a good boy so far so a little bit of sarcasm from me might lighten the mood, "unless your pregnant, breast feeding or going through puberty the mercury in fish won't do anything to you. Unless its shark or swordfish."

That useless information is courtesy of my asinine ex-roommate Pete; he was a fish management and aquaculture science major. Somehow he roped me into helping him studying for his ichthyology class and I actually remembered something. Who the hell in their right mind who pay twelve grand a year to become a fucking fish major? And you wonder why I am so opposed to college.

They just look at me dumbfounded for a moment. They are probably shocked that I spoke more than two words and actually said something perceived by them to be intelligent insight.

"It's apparent I'm none of those," Miss Patty adds to break the silence at our table, "so let me get another piece of that delectable fish Babette."

"You got it doll," she complies as she cuts another piece of fish.

Loreali chuckles. Yeah I said Loreali chuckled. "Well you three go easy on him now."

"We'll try," Babette chimes.

"Not really," I add.

She continues to stare at Luke as she walks away. She is acting like she just got finished smoking a bowl or something. The last time I saw someone acting like Loreali I had to bring my friend Tony to the hospital because he thought it was a good idea to jump off the roof. And there she goes right into the waiter.

This night is very entertaining so far.

I can almost here the song _"Wipe Out"_ in the background. If she keeps walking around like that she's going to hurt herself or decide that jumping of the roof is a good idea. If that guy had a plate in his hand I would probably laugh. Maybe even out loud.

I can't stop turning around to look at her. She has this incredible pull on me. This time she looks back and smiles. She blushes a little and I smirk back.

Fuck.

How am I supposed to take this incredible offer and leave her? What am I going to do?

* * *

So far the night has been incredibly smooth. I haven't talked to him really at all since he got here. Now sitting with Jackson through dinner is probably the last thing I want to be doing right now. I want to be sitting with him. We have so much to talk about. Not that I mind Jackson. He really is a great guy but come on put yourself in my shoes. I can hardly pay attention to what Jackson is saying because I am so unbelievable distracted by Jess. 

There is so much to talk about; so much to plan.

Summer.

It'll be great. Just the two of us. Hell I'm in such a good mood about Jess being back I'll run around town singing it to him just like Will Smith. We'll have a great time together. We can take day trips down to Milford beach, go walk around Topsmead State Park, hiking, and all those other fun summer things you do with the person you love. I think about the summer and I don't worry. I know it'll be great. Then I start to think about that pesky thing after summer ends.

Fall.

Fall means going back to Yale. Jess doesn't go to Yale. I go to Yale. How is that going to work?

There is just so much we haven't talked about. How could we? This is all happening really, really fast here. One minute I thought he was out of my life for good the next he shows up at Yale and asks me to go away with him. And now here he is. He's playing Yahtzee with Babette and Luke. I could have never imagined in my wildest dreams Jess playing a board game. Add Babette and Luke into that picture and it blows my mind.

I wish I had a piece of paper and pen so I could make a list. Yes a list. The pros and cons it is what I do best. There are the obvious pros: it's Jess, I love him, we belong together, he completes me, makes me feel alive, we've both grown up, and I think, no, I know that it's finally time for us to be us. Then those nasty cons and I could only think of one truly big obstacle: Yale.

When I go back to school in the fall it will be without Jess. I know it will be. I can't expect him to go into debt to go to Yale because he is good enough and smart enough to get in. As much as I would love for that to be the quick fix to my problem it wouldn't really fix anything. Yale is my dream. Not his.

Aha! Light bulb!

There is always SCSU. Jess could always go to Southern. We could get an apartment together and he'd take classes there and I'd take classes at Yale and we'd be together. That's the most important part here… being together.

I can't ask him to stay here in Stars Hallow and make a life for himself so we can see each other on the weekends. That's not fair to him. He really doesn't like it here and without me what's the point. And the distance would be a lot of us to deal with. I've been away from Jess this past year and it killed me. To think that it killed me not knowing if I'd ever see him again and accepting he had probably moved on with his life. It killed me. Now that I know we are on the same page. Feeling the same feelings, wanting those same things… I'll never be able to do this without him near me.

The only solution would be for Jess to go to SCSU. Right? Jess belongs at college. Okay maybe I'm just hoping he belongs in college so that I can be near him. I need him to want to go to SCSU.

UGH!!!

He is not going to go for it. This is Jess. Let's be practical here. He hates school. He is a modern day Albert Einstein but he can't stand school. College is probably the last place he wants to be. I just wish I knew what his plans were. He never has a plan.

That's a lie.

Jess always has a plan. I just never know what it is. He keeps me so out of the loop when it comes to the future and what he wants from life that we might as well be in different galaxies. I know what he wants from me. That much is very clear. We are very clear when it comes to us. It just gets really complicated and confusing when it comes to what he wants. That is the whole point after all.

What does Jess want?

* * *

Although I may be acting to the contrary tonight I am very proud of my daughter. I have always been proud of Loreali. Yes I do admit that my daughter took quite a stumble in her early years but when I look at her now I have trouble remembering the mistakes she made. In my book they were mistakes with the exception of my beautiful granddaughter. Rory could never be an error. 

Loreali was always very independent and was very quick to ignore our rules. She wanted to be free. She longed to be her own person away from the life that Emily and I had wanted for her. Her dreams were the exact opposite of ours for her. We wanted her to go to Yale, Harvard or Princeton. Loreali, she just wanted to be her own person and figure out what she was meant to do on her own terms. Not ours.

The inn she has built for herself is lovely. She should be very pleased. I am proud of her. It is quite an accomplishment and I know that it will be a great success. Loreali never does things to be average. She is extraordinary. She always will be.

Now as much as I appreciate her offer for us to come here this weekend it was just cruel to put her mother and in that room. She knows we are separated. We did not formally tell her but I know she is well aware what is going on between Emily and me. Then to take away the one chance we had to socialize with the other guests by having our dinner delivered to our room is just going too far.

"What was she thinking having our food delivered to us?" Emily starts to rant. "Does she not think we will be civil to her friends Richard?"

"Calm down Emily."

"No I will not calm down Richard." She states as her voice raises another decibel. "This is cruel and unusual punishment."

"Do you want to leave?"

"Of course I do. I can't stand to be stuck here alone with you another moment." She yells as she heads towards the door.

"You know Emily," I say as I follow her towards the main building of the inn, "You are not my favorite person to be around tonight either but I thought we agreed to keep up this front for Loreali."

"Who are we kidding Richard?" She turns to say to me as she pauses on the steps on the main entrance. "She knows and this is her way of punishing us. It's none of her business and I'm going to tell her exactly what I think of this little joke she played."

"Emily," I call to her as she opens the door and makes her way inside, "let's not make a scene now."

I think this would be a good opportunity to go pack our things to get ready to go home. This weekend was a bad idea. As much as I want to support my daughter, being stuck in a room with my wife for the entire weekend is not something I want to do right now.

* * *

"Loreali Gilmore, why would you do that?!" 

That's all I can hear as I make my way into the lobby of my inn. My mother barging in; this is all I need right now. I need it like I need a whole in the head.

"Do what?" I ask. I know its going to annoy her but that's part of the amusement.

"You stuck your father and me out in that Godforsaken cabin!"

"It's the honeymoon suite."

"One room, no access to the main building, pitch black at night."

I've actually been anticipating this to happen all night. I'm actually kind of surprised it took her this long to get fed up with me. "It's romantic."

"No television, no radio." She continues to rant. She is very upset with me right now. What else is new? Emily Gilmore mad at her daughter isn't exactly headline news these days.

"Actually there is a television. It's in the cabinet behind..." I don't think she is even listening to me anymore. I should just stand here and nod. It'll probably have the same effect as speaking. My words mean nothing to here.

"And then the room service."

"Roast beef and champagne."

"The one chance to get out of there, away from each other, and you yank it away!" Boy, am I glad she's being reasonable. Honestly I try to do a good thing here and give my parents time away, alone and I get berated.

"Why would you want to get away from each other, Mom? Are you and Dad fighting?" I ask sarcastically.

"Stop it! You know! You know your father and I are separated, and you brought us out here and stuck us in the woods to stare at each other for 48 hours!" I think she's being completely irrational here. But hey this is just me talking.

"What was I supposed to do? You weren't saying anything, Dad wasn't saying anything."

"Of all the cruel, insensitive…"

"How was I supposed to know I was supposed to know?"

"You did know!"

"But you didn't want me to know."

"Of course I didn't want you to know." She's acting like it is something to be ashamed of. People separate all the time it isn't exactly something to be ashamed of. I should start giving her some statistics now. Oh wouldn't she just hit the roof if I told her that it wasn't uncommon and that about 4 million people in the world are married couples that are separated. She'd probably slap me.

"Exactly."

"Exactly what?"

"You didn't want me to know, so I didn't know, and now you're mad I didn't know?"

"Because you did know!"

"But I wasn't supposed to know, so I acted like I didn't know!" If I took my fist and started punching the Titanic it would probably have more effect than trying to rationalize this with her.

"I won't stay out in that cabin one more second. I demand a room in here."

"We don't have any rooms in here, Mom. They're all taken." And that's the truth. I actually wish that I did have a room for her so she would just shut up and leave me alone. But it wouldn't end there. I would give her the room and then she would lecture me on how it would have been so much simpler to offer it to her in the first place. Frankly, banging my fist against the Titanic sounds like fun right now.

"Then bump someone."

"I don't have a room, Mom."

"You don't have a room for your mother?"

"I have a room for my mother. It's the room my mother's in." You would think she would be a little grateful. I invited her to enjoy this weekend with me and my friends so that I could have her support. Her acting like this is not the kind of support I want or need.

"That's not a room. That's a practical joke."

"No, it was a chance for you and Dad to do something special."

"Fine. If you won't find me another room, then I'll just sit in there until tomorrow." She states as a matter-of-factly and walks into the sitting area of the lobby. I roll my eyes and follow her. I see Rory playing a board game with Tom. She looks up at me. I motion for her to come over here and help me. I can't deal with this not tonight.

"Mom you are really overreacting here. Just go back to your room and you and Dad can talk."

"I will do no such thing. I can't stand to be in the same room as that man." She states as she folds her arms across her chest and sits on the couch.

"Grandma is everything okay?" Thank god for Rory. My angel. My savior. She can deal with them better than anyway. Maybe my mother will calm down a bit.

"Rory," she states calmly and at a low decibel. It must be something about me that she feels she needs to yell and be irrational for me to comprehend her. "Your grandfather and I are separated. Your mother thought it would be _fun_ to lock us away in the honeymoon suite for the weekend."

"For the record I did not think it would be fun. I thought it would be therapeutic for you and Dad to spend some time together."

"Grandma, Mom was just trying to help get you back together in her own way," Rory tried to reason with her as she sat down next to her grandmother.

"See Rory knows so why can't you see that?" As much grief as I give my parents them not being together just doesn't make any sense. They are like Donna and David if they are not together the world just doesn't seem real. If my parents can't stay happy after god knows how many years how much hope do I have?

"Emily," I hear a male voice call from the entrance, "I packed our things I think its time to go."

"I couldn't agree more," she states as she gets up from her position on the couch.

"Wait," I follow them, "What are you two doing? How do you two plan on doing this? You live a big house but let's be honest here it isn't all that big with the chips you both are carrying on your shoulders."

"If you must know Loreali, I am going to spend the summer in Europe. I was going to wait until Monday to ask Rory to accompany me but since you want to know right now," She blurts out like it was nothing. So this is unexpected. Rory is not going to want to go now. Jess is here. That means its going to be a summer of Jess and Rory. Not Rory and Emily take on Europe. "Rory what do you say?"

"Give her a chance to think about it Mom," I but in before Rory has a chance to say anything. Her head is spinning now I can see a Linda Blair moment coming on. The look in her eyes; she is so confused I had to save her. "You just told her you and Dad separated. She's only been home a few days give her a chance to let it sink in."

"Rory," she says, "When you have an answer give me a call. I hope you have a lovely weekend."

"I hope you've had your fun," my father snorts at me before leaving behind my mother. Thank god they are gone. I love them but honestly I thought Jennifer Lopez had it bad with Jane Fonda as her future mother in law but me I have it worse with my birth mother. Jenny from the block got off easy. Jane Fonda is Mother Theresa reincarnated compared to my mother.

"And for the dramatic portion of the evening," I say as I sit down next to my daughter on the couch. "Babe, you know you don't have to go with your grandmother."

"Did you see how upset she is?" She asked rhetorically without taking her eyes off the floor. "I can't let her go to Europe by herself and she really wants me to go with her."

"What about Jess?" I ask her. It's an obvious question. Jess and her just got back together or speaking or whatever you want to call what those two crazy kids are doing. If she leaves for the summer Jess won't be sticking around. I know that for a fact. I said I'd give him a chance when I knew Rory would be around. With Rory gone? Jess won't think twice about leaving Stars Hallow.

"I don't know Mom. I just I don't know anymore." She said as a wrapped my arm around her shoulder. She leaned her head against mine and we just sat there in complete silence. It has been an exhausting night.

Oh and it's only eight o'clock.

It is going to be a very long night.

* * *

I have been very patient. I have waited for eight years for her to finally be ready to commit to some kind of relationship with me. Eight years! That's a long time. 

I like to think that I can deal with a lot of things but I don't think I am handling this well. I am so fucking completely in love with this woman and I can not for the life of me get her to see it.

I took her to Liz's wedding. We danced. I don't dance. I hate to dance. She on the other hand loves it. We had a really great time. I even asked her out again. I did everything right.

So again tell me why I'm sitting here alone in my room that I'm sharing with my nephew?

Please someone explain it to me because I don't understand this not for one damn second. Then again I should go find her and tell her how I feel instead of sitting up here wallowing in self pity.

That's it I've had enough of sitting her and doing nothing. I'm going to find her.

I make my way down the stairs and see her in the sitting area of the lobby with her arm around Rory. I saw what happened with her parents hence the fact I was in my room. I don't like confrontation and to be honest the Gilmore's scare me.

I really need to talk to her and it can't wait. I'm making a conscious decision right now to walk over there and get her to talk to me. No need.

As I let my feet leave the last step she looks over in my direction and smiles. I watch as she excuses herself from Rory, who also notes my presence. Loreali walks towards me as Rory makes her way towards the kitchen. Undoubtedly she is looking for some comfort in the form of Sookie's deserts.

"Hey," she says softly as she meets me at the bottom of the stairs.

"Hi." Damn it Luke. You come down to make this grand declaration and all you can manage is one word.

"I'm sorry about that scene with my parents. I know it made everyone a little uncomfortable which would explain why everyone scattered."

"Not everyone. Tom is still in there with Babette."

"That they are," she says as she acknowledges that they are still in fact sitting in the dining area playing Yahtzee. "I guess Babette got lonely once you went upstairs."

"I guess." Why can't I do this? Why can't I just say what I'm thinking? What I'm feeling?

"Are you okay?" She asks in a concerned tone. Am I okay? If she only knew. Okay this is it. Here goes nothing.

"Actually I'm feeling pretty stupid right now."

"Why?"

"I'm not a mysterious man, am I?"

"Well, the wardrobe's a bit of a head scratcher."

"I think I've been very, very clear with my intentions…"

"Your…"

"You know, the wedding, the movie invite, the flowers."

She chuckles. Why does she think this is funny? "Luke…"

"You knew what I was doing!"

"Well, no, not officially." Does she seriously doubt me over a technicality? So I didn't officially ask her to be my girlfriend or come out and say _I like you Loreali, will you go out with me? _We are not teenagers. This was my adult way of handling it.

"Not officially? Oh, come on. I mean, I didn't have a ref present, but other than that."

"Well, you didn't say anything official."

"What was I supposed to say? I did things. I let my actions speak. That's what you're supposed to do. You're supposed to let your actions speak. That's the romantic way to do this, damn it." Okay so maybe I'm starting to raise my voice a little but I'm upset. I love her and she is calling me out on not saying anything official.

"Okay, you're right. I'm sorry."

"And you went along with all of it. So naturally, I assumed we were on the same page." Here goes everything I'm putting it all out there for her to see. "I thought we were on track, and now you're standing there looking at me like I'm crazy."

"I'm not looking at you like you're crazy!"

"You know the last time I bought flowers for someone? Never! That's when! Very easy stat to remember!" I'm sorry maybe I'm being harsh but how else will I ever get her to see that I want her. That she is the one for me.

"I loved the flowers!"

"And then when I walked you home after the wedding, there was a moment. I thought there was a moment."

"There was! There was a moment." She agrees as she throws her arms to her sides. I gaze at her and move closer. I'm going for it. Nothing is going to take away from this moment right now. Not Rory. Not Jess. Not anyone.

"What are you doing?"

"Will you just stand still?" I ask as I pull her close to me and push my lips against hers. There it goes its all there me and her. The moment I've been waiting eight years for and she is kissing me back. This is a good sign. She pulls away from the kiss to catch her breath. I stare at her for what seemed like an hour but only milliseconds pass and she moves back towards me.

"What are you doing?" Please don't hit me. She kissed me back. She wouldn't hit me right? I don't think I crossed a line. Did I cross a line? Let me think. She said we were on the same page and we agreed there was a moment between us.

"Will you just stand still?" She says softly as she holds my face and brings her lips to mine. I wrap my arms around her and deepen the kiss. She pulls back again.

What the hell? Would she just make up her mind? Does she want me? Is she confused? What is going on here?

We gaze at each other and I put my hands on her waist and pull her back into my body. We fit so well together. This is how it's supposed to be.

"Aaaaah!" I hear a scream come from inside the inn. I look and see Kirk running down the stairs; buck naked with only a pillow to cover him. Why me? "Aaah! Aaaah!" The screams continue as he runs through me and Loreali and into the night. "Aaaaah! Aaaah!"

"I'll be right back." I say to her as she looks at me puzzled. "I'll explain later." I say as I run after Kirk who is still screaming at the top of his lungs. Night terrors. Figures something stupid as this would interrupt my moment with her. Hey at least we got past the first kiss.

I'm happy.

* * *

I wonder what all the screaming is about as I make my way from the kitchen back to the sitting area. So much to think about. That perfect summer I had planned for Jess and me is slowly slipping away. 

I never thought anything could ruin my mood about the summer until Grandma announced she wanted me to go to Europe with her for the summer because my grandfather and she are separated. I can't let her go alone. She's be lonely over their by herself. I don't want her to be alone.

But Jess. How can I leave him alone? We were finally on the same page again. I can't just let that go.

"Hey," I hear his voice call from the doorway, "What's all the screaming about?"

"No idea," I reply as he walks into the room. I stand up from the couch and stare at him. I want to speak and tell him everything I'm thinking but no words are forming. That's not true. I have the words. I just don't know if they are the right words.

"Rory…" he started to say but before he could finish I just let it all come out. I had to. It was going to drive me crazy to think about it by myself.

"My grandmother needs me to go to Europe with her this summer." I blurted it out. I don't know if those were the right words but they were words nonetheless. He is silent for a moment as he brushes his fingers through his hair.

"I got a job offer in Philadelphia."

"What?" I'm in shock. Was he even going to tell me?

"It's not just a summer job Rory. This is a really job that can open a lot of doors for me. I applied before all this between me and you came up." He goes on to explain. I feel like I can't breathe. I don't know why. Its not like we made official plans but it was all implied. The words. The actions. All pointed to the same road. "I haven't said yes."

"But you didn't say no either. What about us?"

"What about us? Rory I don't even know what us is anymore. Everything that has happened these last few days has been a complete haze. Nothing official was said. We didn't discuss anything. How do I say no to a job offer of a lifetime when I don't know why I'm saying no?"

"Official? Are you kidding me Jess?" He wants something official said from me. How about he defines us for once? Is that too much to ask? "You show up at my dorm room three days ago ready to whisk me off into the night and wanted me to rest my future in your hands and you want something official to be said that defines what we are now."

"What about Europe? You don't even plan on being here this summer. I won't sit around in Stars Hallow and wait three months for you to come back."

"So it's my fault? For your information I didn't say I was definitely going. And its only the summer, your job will be for longer."

"I didn't say yes to the job yet either."

Here we go again. That timing thing we've been saying finally worked in our favor just screwed us over again. The universe was like here Rory you can finally be with the man you love… oh wait not so fast we need to through a few more road blocks in so you have to spend years and years apart. Screw that.

I don't want to stop Jess from taking this job. It would be wrong to guilt him into staying with me when in the fall we are just going to go through this all over again. "Do you want to take that job in Philadelphia?"

"Do you want to go to Europe for the summer?"

"Jess, just answer me. Please."

"Of course I do."

As much as it's going to kill me to say this I have to. If you love someone you have to put their wants needs before your own. That's the right thing to do here. I think. "Jess," I start to speak softly as I feel a tear forming in my eye, "I want you to take that job offer. I can't ask you to turn it down not for me."

"I wouldn't be saying no for you Rory. I'd say no for us," he said as he moved closer to me. "I would do anything for you."

"I know you would but let's be honest here Jess. There is no us here. We barely got back together. I love you and I need you to do this for us. If you don't take that job…" I trial off as tears start to roll down my cheeks. "I don't want you to ever resent me if you don't take it."

"Are you breaking up with me Rory Gilmore?"

He asked me a perfectly honest question but I do not want to give him the answer. I do not want to break up with Jess. He is my life. But how do I ask him to give up his dreams so I can have mine?


	12. Their Hands Fit

_**Author's Note: This chapter is pure Rory/Jess. A lot of OOC'ness but it works. I think. Thanks for the reviews... keep them coming... it may inspire me to get another chapter up by the end of the week )**_

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**_

* * *

Technically speaking she can't break up with me. We are not technically back together. Then again we never technically broke up either. I didn't go to her and tell her it was over, nor vice versa. Maybe she is officially going to end our relationship.

One of two things needs to happen here. We either end things for good or we try again.

I don't know if we can make it throw a summer, our first summer together, with her in Europe and me in Philadelphia. And what about after summer is over? She goes to Yale. I would never ask her to leave Yale. In fact if she ever told me she was leaving Yale I'd have her committed. Going to an Ivy League school and becoming a journalist is her dream. I would never ask her to give it up for anything; especially me.

I see where she is coming from, insisting I take this job offer. I keep calling it a job offer like it means nothing but this job offer means everything. Before Liz's wedding I met some people in New York who owned Truncheon Books, it's a small printing press in Philadelphia. We talked quite a bit over drinks one night. We debated over many authors and just as many books. They said that anyone who could at my age find literary faults in the works of Ayn Rand should be working with them. That's when they mentioned that they were looking for another editor. Sort of a junior editor type deal plus help with picking the books worth publishing.

I know I'm technically not qualified but let me tell you something. I don't need a college degree to edit. I have read every book by Hemmingway and perhaps can speak the English language better than most PhD's.

So what if I don't have a college degree to prove it?

They didn't care but there was a catch if I actually got the job. Since I have no college experience they want me to write something, anything before they let me start to edit. I don't mind. I would love to write. I enjoy every aspect of literature and to maybe someday be a name as recognizable as Hemmingway, Steinbeck, Seuss or Dahl; that would be my dreams come true.

Rory.

God she is so many things to me. I never want to fuck that up again but the timing is just off again. I can not in good faith turn down this job. I may never get another offer like this and I can not blow it. She probably won't forgive herself if she lets her grandmother go to Europe alone. Her grandparents are very intimidating people and they want everyone to be just like them but they are Rory's family. She feels obligated to do this for her grandmother and as much as I would want to ask her to stay I can't be that fucking selfish. Not anymore.

I hate to see her so upset. If its one thing I can not handle it is seeing her cry. So I have not seen her cry yet? I've seen her unhappy like the night of the dance marathon but she was not really crying while I was there anyway. It's something about seeing the woman you love hurt or cry that makes a man go insane. She is not supposed to be crying because of me. It is just not right.

We just both have to take a few steps back here. Everything that has been said in the last two minutes just came pouring out without warning. And she is not in the best place to be making these kinds of life changing decisions. She just found out her grandparents are separated and that her grandmother needs her to go to Europe with her this summer.

I know I said needs. Emily Gilmore may ask a question like _do you want to do _but what she means is _I need you to go, don't you dare let me down_. It is an impossible situation for her to be in. Then I jump in with the news that I have this amazing job offer in Philadelphia and I admit not the best timing on my part but give me a fucking break. I did not know how else to tell her.

I didn't even think I was going to tell her.

Truthfully if Emily hadn't asked Rory to go away this summer and Rory wasn't struggling with that decision I may have not even told her. I know it wouldn't have been fair but I would give this up for her. As much as I want to take this job and I really do, I could find another offer that would be just as good… maybe; in time anyway.

She is standing in front of me noticeably upset. I know she did not intend to imply she wants to break up… oh yeah the technically not breaking up something that never officially got off the ground. Nonetheless I know that this thing we have going is what she wants. She wouldn't have come to New York after me if it was the other way around.

I reached my hand up to her face and wiped the tear from her soft, damp flesh. "We should go for a walk."

"A walk?" She questions. Of course it's out of left field but that is me, the solution to this sort of confrontation is to let it sit for a while then deal with it once everything has sunk in.

"A walk." I repeat. We both could use the fresh air and the time out of the inn to process everything that has happened to both of us since we got here today. It's a chance for us to walk in our comfortable silence and think. This will be a good thing.

"Okay," she says as she takes her hands and wipes the tears from her face.

I reach over and take her hand into mind. I give her a little squeeze to let her know that I will be here. No matter what happens or what we decide I will always be here for her. She squeezes back and takes the initiative to interlock her fingers with mine. I intended to lead the way but she pulls ahead and makes her way out of the inn.

Her shape definitely agrees with her outfit. Fuck it! I know I shouldn't be thinking with my dick again but god damn it ever since I stopped her on the beach the night before all I can think about every time she moves is how much I want to make love to her. I keep thinking how good it will feel to take her to that place to bring her beyond the brink for the first time.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. I've had sex before and it was satisfying but I just don't want it to be good sex. I want it to be an exuberant love making journey with me as her tour guide. Now wouldn't she just look freaking amazing dressed up in one of those cliché fantasy tour guide uniforms?

Okay that was it last comment about Rory and sex for now. I have to focus on what's important here and it's not how amazing she would look naked, sweating… get a hold of your self Marino. It's Rory. She is a goddess not a piece of meat. Breathe and focus. Focus and breathe.

Rory. Europe. Truncheon Books. Philadelphia.

That's all I should be thinking about right now. I have to find a way to fix this. I need to be able to fix this. For me. For her. For us. Our future is going to be decided within this next conversation because unlike me Rory will not be able to let this just sit for the night. We will have to decide everything right here right now… on our bridge.

* * *

It's the only place I want to be right now.

After everything that has happened and is happening when I come here to this place it just all fades away. The stillness of the water is very comforting to me. I think it has everything to do with the fact I love the rain. Water in general is just very soothing to me.

I love watching the ripples in the water. Sometimes I'll go out of my way to find a rock and toss it in just to watch the current in motion. It is such a subtle motion but that delicate movement is mesmerizing. I could stare for hours. When Jess left the second time I came here every night for almost a month. It probably would have been longer but mom and I had our whole backpacking through Europe thing planned for four years and I could not in good conscience refuse to go just because Jess was gone. It would have been stupid and as hurt as I was I couldn't let it get to me. I would not let Jess leaving me cripple my life.

Those nights I came here to be alone and think about everything that went wrong with Jess and I. I would just sit here for a while and stare at the water. It was so calming and peaceful. It reminded me of the way I felt when Jess and I were alone together. Despite all the chaos he brought into my life, when it was just me and him it was bliss.

I just stood there with my hand in his and stared down at the water. It was killing me to know that this moment wouldn't last forever. In all likelihood I would be coming out here every night I would be home in the fall because whether I liked it or not Jess was going to have to take that job. He would be crazy to turn down a job that could open doors for him. I would be crazy to tell him not to take it.

But I don't want him too.

Yes I know it's selfish but I want Jess. I have waited for Jess to grow up and I love him and now he's here being the man I always knew he was. How can I just let him go?

"If I tell you something," I ask breaking the silence between us, "you have to promise not to laugh."

"Laugh? What's that again?" He comments with a smirk. He doesn't usually laugh but he should it definitely suits him to have that look on his face. It's sexy and exciting to see him enjoying himself.

I free my hand from his grasp and teasingly slap him on the arm. "Yeah well you have been nothing but full of surprises the past few days so just promise me."

"Cross my heart," he says as he makes the shape of a cross across his chest. He's unpredictable at his best. I secretly love that about him. Capriciousness is thrilling and erotic. What can I say? The things that make him an unreliable boyfriend are the exact same things I find turn me on the most.

"The night after you left," I begin.

"Which time?" A legitimate question but really interrupting me is not making this easy to get out in the open. I just want to get this out of the way so I can tell him how much it hurt when he left.

I rolled my eyes before answering him, "The second time, after your dad came to town."

"Okay, at least now I can picture a time frame. Circumstances. Gives me a chance to relate better."

"You know if you keep mocking me, I'm not going to tell you."

"I wasn't mocking," he claimed as I once again rolled my eyes at him, "Honestly."

I took a deep breath as I prepared to tell him. I don't know why this is so hard to say. It's not like I'm saying _hey I'm pregnant and the baby is yours _I'm saving that for the Maury show. I'm just trying to open a door here so we can heal any open wounds. I didn't realize how many I had when it came to Jess until tonight.

"I came here every night after you left for almost a month," I said as I lowered myself down to sit on the bridge. I tossed my legs over the edge and let them dangle, barely grazing the top of the water, "I would come here at the same time every night and just sit here."

"Why?"

Just spit it out Rory. The faster you get it out the faster you can heal that open wound. "Maybe I was hoping that you would come find me." I looked up at him as his eyes widened, eyebrows rose and he stared straight into my eyes. He could probably see my soul that stare was that deep and intense. "You came and found me here once before."

"The dance marathon." He nodded finally connecting the two things I was feeling. The night after the dance marathon, Jess finally came to me and breathed life back into my world.

"I know it was stupid and girly," I tried to explain as he lowered himself and sat beside me on _our_ bridge, "but I wasn't ready to give up on us." And I'm still not. This can't be the way things end for us. It's just tragic and clique. My relationship with Jess can not have a clique ending.

"I'm sorry. I just wasn't ready to come find you yet." He was being completely sincere and that's all I could ask for right now. There is a lot here that we aren't saying but it is all understood in our silence.

"I know," I say after a few moments. I reach over into his lap and take his hand into mine. He has really nice hands. They fit into mine perfectly. Did you ever see that made for TV movie with Kimberly Williams-Paisley and Patrick Dempsey, who by the way is the definition of yum? I can't think of the name of it right now but there was a little girl and her mom dies of cancer when she is like seven years old. Before her mom dies, the little girl, ugh I can't think of the girl's name. Anyways, she asks her mom how she will know which guy she is supposed to marry and her mom answers his hands, they will fit with your perfectly.

Jess' hand fits.

"Jess," I say softly gently breaking our peacefulness, "I want you to go to Philadelphia. You deserve to take that job."

"Don't ever become a lawyer."

"What?"

"You are a very bad liar. Worse than Jim Carrey as a matter of fact," he says with a smirk. Then a serious look comes across his face. He kind of looks like he needs to tell me my dog died or something. Wait I don't have a dog so at least that narrows the list down. "Just tell me everything you are feeling. What do you want Rory?"

Why does he have to know me better than anyone? He's right I am a terrible liar. I couldn't lie if my life depended on it. The thing about lying is if you lie once chances are in the future you have to retell that lie so that means more lying. Really it's just a bad chain of lies until the truth finally blows up in your face.

"You're right. I hate it when you're right." I finally succumb to his superiority. "Part of me wants to be really selfish and tell you not to take that job. I had a plan for us and it was supposed to work for us. It was going to solve all our problems."

"A plan?" he asks quizzically.

"Yes a plan. You do know what a plan is right?"

"Yes I know what a plan is. I want to know what your plan was."

"In the fall we were going to get an apartment in New Haven. We'd live together, work. I'd still go to Yale and you would take some classes at Southern…"

"Southern?" He retorts with a laugh. "Rory, you know I'm not the college type. School is your thing. Always has been your thing."

"Okay so there were a few kinks. We could have made it work." Who am I trying to kid here? This solution, my grand plan only served one person and it was me. If Jess gave in and agreed I would get everything I wanted. My plan isn't what Jess wants. He wants to go to Philadelphia. He may not say it in so many words but he wants that job. I have to let him take it.

"Rory…"

"I know I'm being extremely needy and irrational but I'm not ready to let you go again. We were so close this time."

"We don't have to make any decisions tonight Ror."

Of course we don't have to. We **_need _**to though; for my own sanity. I can't just pretend none of this is happening. Decisions need to be made. We need to have a plan. I need to know what we are or aren't. All these things are very important for me to know right here, right now.

"Jess," I say as I squeeze his hand gently, "I need to know what we are doing here. What are we to each other?"

* * *

Rory Gilmore, you are my whole world.

I can think this and say it in my head over and over but I can't formulate the words aloud to her. If I say it I make myself vulnerable to a whole lot of pain. That's why the first time I said I love you; I ran back to my car and drove away. I still wonder what she would have said but I know that I couldn't have handled her saying I hate you.

Why does she have to put the ball in my court?

I can't be forced to define us. It's not fair and hello, I'm not the only one here that needs to be making this decision. I know how I feel, she knows how I feel, I know how she feels but for the life of me I still can't figure out whether or not she wants us to have a real shot.

Did I hear her say it?

Of course I did. I'm not deaf. She doesn't want me to go. I heard her loud and clear. Is it because she really wants to be with me or is it because she can't stand the thought of me moving on with someone else?

But what the fuck am I supposed to say here?

Do I pour my heart out again and have her stomp all over it? Sorry not happening not this time.

Fuck. I need to tell her something. I can't just sit here and say nothing it's not fair to her or me. Just tell her Marino. Tell her that she is your everything and that you love her. Easier said than done.

But here goes nothing. Wish me luck.

"I love you Rory. You know that. It was never a secret."

"I love you too." Hearing her say it even though I already knew makes it seem so much more real. I want to hear her voice say that to me everyday for the rest of my life.

"When I asked you to come away with me," I don't know why I'm saying this but for some reason it appears necessary right now. I don't know what good it will do but it seems like it needs to be said. "I asked you to come with me and start over away from here, away from everything. All I wanted to hear you say is that you still wanted me. You didn't have to say yes."

"Jess…"

"I was being irrational and selfish then. When you said no, I knew we were over and I was ready to accept that." That is the truth I was. That to me was my last shot to have something with Rory and when that one word yelped from her lips, _'no'_, it was all over; until she decided to be a woman and change her mind. Fucking women and their prerogatives to change their mind; it's really not fair to us guys.

"But here we are now," she replies, "It wasn't planned. Maybe there is something bigger than us out there trying to tell us something."

"Fate?" If this is fate then fate should help me out here and tell me what to say. What do I say to here that defines us? After all we are what we've always been…Jess and Rory. Maybe that's the answer.

"Maybe."

"Maybe we should ask _fate_ to tell us what we are then because it seems to know more than I do. I have no fucking idea what the future is going to bring us."

"Jess…"

"I know. Are you sure you still want me to tell you what we are?"

"Absolutely."

"It's me and you always."

"How very _"Dawson's Creek"_ of you?" So what if I had to steal the line from one of the most back and forth primetime shows on television. I had to think of something that would make sense and sound heartfelt. It did in my mind.

"It's the truth though Rory," I say as I place my hands on her face. I brush the loose tendrils of hair away from her beautiful blue eyes. "It doesn't matter if we are together or apart, you are the only one for me."

"Oh Jerry, you had me at hello." She is mocking me. I can't believe it. Now you see why I don't go around making romantic declarations and defining relationships. I remove my hands from her face as she giggles.

She looks so beautiful when she laughs.

"And you had the nerve to ask me not to mock you? What do you call what you're doing now?"

"I'm sorry." She says as she stops giggling. The smile doesn't disappear though. That's a good thing. I couldn't handle seeing her cry again. "Really I am. It's just weird for me to hear you say things that are so…"

"Cheesy?"

"No."

"Clique?"

"Romantic."

"Don't go around spreading that rumor," I declare with a tough ass façade but she knows that I'm just pretending, "I have a reputation to protect."

"Screw your reputation," she says as she pulls her body into mine and presses her full lips against mine.

She goes to pull away. I think she just wanted to get me to stop acting like I was the Fonz, too cool for my own good but I didn't let her off so easy. She started it.

I let my tongue graze her lips as I push my way through past her teeth into her mouth. My tongue finds hers and they start to move together to a beat of their own.

My hand finds her face and moves down her neck line as my lips stay entangled with hers. My hand wonders down her neck, her arm, until I find her waistline. My hand moves ever so gently to rest on the small of her back.

Her fingers are entangled in my hair as the kiss grows deeper. I think we could just lie down on this bridge and make love. I'm certainly ready. I just can't bring myself to close the deal with her out in the open. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I don't ever want to cheapen Rory. We'll have sex when the time is right.

Oh shit. Her hand is on my dick. This is a problem. I'm hard as a rock right now and the mere presence of her hand, even through my jeans, is making me crazy. I remove my hand from her back and reluctantly remove her hand from that area.

"Okay, I'm going to be the one to stop this again." Why am I being the strong one here? Do you have any idea how fucking difficult it is to stop myself from making love to her? Next time we find ourselves in this position I'm not going to be able to stop it. I think I should stand up. Standing up is a good thing I conclude. I position my arms and raise myself to the upright position. However, now I have to adjust myself because damn Rory Gilmore turns me on so much. I'm going to have to take a cold shower tonight.

"Now what?"

"We go back to the inn." Honestly the last place I want to go but I really don't want to have Loreali on my ass right now. We are actually being civil to each other and as much as I want to take Rory back to Luke's and finish what she started I can't. I need to do this to prove to everyone, to prove to Rory that I'm in this for the right reasons.

"Back to the inn?"

"Yeah don't you want to know what all the screaming was about?" I have a feeling I know what it is about. My gut is screaming Kirk. My dick is screaming go take Rory back to Luke's.

Oh my god! I can't fucking handle this torture anymore. If we don't have sex soon I'm going to explode. Cold showers are going to be my best friend for the time being.

"Kind of but…"

"Rory trust me. We are done talking about us for tonight." I reached for her hand and helped her upright and I lead her back to the inn.

We really didn't settle any uncertainties we had about my job or her impending tour around Europe but we did define us.

Rory and I. Always.


	13. Dancing Midgets, Coffee & Showers

**Author's Note:** I know I know it's been months. Please don't hate me. It has been a rough couple of months and I could not find the inspiration to write. But never fear I am back. I've worked on this chapter for while and I think it is everything I wanted it to be. I really hope you all enjoy this chapter.

I have a lot of story left to tell and I'm hoping that I have more time to work on this. Read and review… it gives me inspiration to write and sometimes unintentionally gives me ideas; constructive criticism only. By the way, I am still in search of a beta. If anyone out there wants to job please let me know. The editing process is what ties up my writing and I'm my own worst critic.

Probably a lot of OOC'ness in this chapter but I'm trying to keep them true at heart. Trust me it all serves my master plan.

And one more thing, all you Milo fans out there, I highly recommend tuning into Heroes if you haven't already. It's a great show and its nice seeing Milo on the small screen again.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing. If there was a God I would own Milo because that man is smoking hot! Sadly I don't so I settle for my fan fiction.

* * *

What a night!

It was everything and nothing like I expected. Everyone seemed to have a really good night. The board games were a hit. Note to self: Thank Dwight for donating them. It's not like he couldn't spare a few. He owns practically ever board game ever made. Everything was going very smoothly until my parents decided to throw an impromptu floor show – good thing that my friends either a) ignored them or b) did not care. I should be happy since that was the worse that happened.

Then there was Luke.

There are a few times in your life when you wish you could live in a moment forever. I had that moment last night. My god what can I say about that kiss? It was toe curling amazing. I never thought kissing Luke would have affected me that much. The only person I ever imagined would give me a toe curling kiss was Johnny Depp. Note to self: Watch Pirates of the Caribbean again.

That kiss was the highlight of my night. You would think that the test run of my own inn would be excitement enough. Not a chance. This is Stars Hallow and no matter what the occasion there is a ninety-nine percent chance something else will happen to top that.

I was kissing Luke last night! OH MY GOD!

Take the dance marathon for instance. Let's see to my recollection every year Kirk wins but thankfully its overshadowed by events like Dean breaking up with Rory, Taylor and Miss Patty sparring over the megaphone, or my favorite last years catastrophe; Babette tripped over Morey's foot in the first hour, fell into Gypsy and Andrew who fell into Lulu and Kirk which ended with Kirk's head stuck in the tuba. I couldn't make this up if I tried.

I do not think that I could have had a better night. Everything was just absolutely perfect. I really hope I can stay on this cloud all day today. I only have to get through breakfast here then I can go talk to Luke.

Luke.

"Good morning, Lorelai," a male voice called from behind me.

I turned away from the coffee machine and saw Jess standing in the doorway. This can't be happening. Couldn't even let me enjoy it for a few more hours? No.

Jess has to come.

Why is he here in my kitchen? Please don't let him tell me he asked Rory to marry him. I've had all the surprises I can handle from those two for the past week. Actually it could probably last me a life time. "Jess, hi." I decided it was the most appropriate thing I could come up with at the moment. Much better than 'go away you little bastard, stop ruining my moment'. Yeah, much better.

"I hope its okay for me to be back here," he explained as he stepped away from the doorway. "Is this even a good time?" He asked as he gestured his hands.

Good time? Let's see it is 7:00, I have yet to have a cup of coffee, breakfast is supposed to be served in an hour and I still have not seen Sookie or maybe I just missed her. I mean I have been in my own little world this morning. Can you blame me? Luke my best friend of eight years kissed me. Wow!

"Lorelai?"

"Oh sorry," I answer as I bring myself out of my thoughts. I look up and meet his eyes; something has really changed in his eyes. I can tell he is not the same kid that stole beer out of my fridge; he's a grown man now. "It was just a really long night."

"I know," he said as he took another step into the kitchen, "I was afraid I was going to miss the dancing midgets."

"They cancelled at the last minute."

"I figured."

Where do you go with the conversation after that? I just have nothing. I have never been at a loss for words. I pride myself on my quick wit and pop culture references. I failed. This has everything to do with me not being properly caffeinated yet. "Coffee?"

"That would be great."

He's being very polite. Almost overly polite. Like pushing creepy polite. I nod and force a small smile as I turn around to tend to the brewed coffee pot. Yummy. There is nothing better in the morning then the smell of freshly made coffee - at any time of day as a matter of fact. I grabbed two mugs and took the pot of steaming liquid into my hands and carefully poured generous amounts of my favorite beverage into each cup.

"So what do you think of the place?" I asked as I handed him a large blue mug. He hesitated a bit before taking the mug from my grasp.

"This place is great," he answered as I watched him take a sip of the black liquid. Jess likes black coffee; very boring. He swallowed hard before speaking, "Most entertaining inn I've ever stayed at."

"Would you have it any other way?" I say as I take the second gulp of my first cup of coffee for the day. I like my coffee with cream and two sugars; definitely much more exciting than black. It must be my nerves.

Jess is making me very nervous but in the way that makes me worry about my daughter nervous. I just want to know what he has to say; the good or the bad. I know deep down it can't be that bad but it still doesn't stop me from freaking out on the surface. Stranger things have happened around here lately like kissing Luke.

He stalls by placing the mug against his lips and shrugs his shoulders. "I mean this is Stars Hallow," I state just to keep the conversation going but still he says nothing.

He nods in agreement. Okay I've made my pleasantries. I've played very nice. What did he come to talk to me about? I would bet not even Luke is awake right now. Wait, that's probably not true. That is if he even could sleep after his grand gesture of his feelings last night. Luke kissed me.

Focus Lorelai. "Jess, what'd you come down here for?"

He placed his mug down on the counter and gulped a serving of air. "It's about Rory."

I want to collapse right now. He's going to tell me their engaged or married. What if they got married? There was a good hour they were unaccounted for last night. They pulled a Matt Camden on me. No they couldn't have. Could they? I'm starting to hyperventilate here and all he said is my daughter's name. I steady myself against the counter with my hands as I take a deep breath.

"Are you okay?" He asks sort of sincerely. I can't really tell. Probably because I'm too busy freaking out here. He's going to tell me he married my baby without asking without thinking without me. Not that he needed my permission but at least my presence would have been nice. I'm going to kill him.

"Crawl?"

"Excuse me."

"Pauly Shore. Carla Gugino. South Dakota." I am just starting to adjust to him being around again I really don't think I can handle welcoming him with open arms into my family. No. They are not married. They could not be. Rory is smarter than that. I am just overreacting here. There are just so many things going on in my head.

Luke. Kissing. Kissing Luke. Jess. Rory. Jess and Rory. Kissing Luke. My parents. Parents separated. Sookie. Breakfast. Kissing Luke. Need more coffee. Taylor. Suggestion cards. Michel. Kissing Luke. Kirk. Naked Kirk. Kissing Luke.

Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!

Just spit it out Lorelai. Tell him what you are thinking. Tell him your worst fear and then he can just tell you that you're crazy; because I am. I must be for even thinking like this but when Rory is with him, she's impulsive and she would do anything he asked her too. But then she's still Rory. "Did you marry her last night?"

"Are you insane?"

Phew! They aren't married. Thank the Greek gods. "Engaged?"

"No," he stated with a hint of a chuckle. He tried to hide it under his breathe but I could hear it clear as day. He is letting some walls down. I can tell just by the tone of his voice. He still had that Jess monosyllabic tone but it was different, softer, and less guarded. He even occasionally speaks in full sentences. "Rory and I are still very up in the air."

"Good." Okay that came out a little cold. "I mean not good that you are still up in the air but good that you didn't get married."

"Lorelai, listen I know you don't like me very much," he is getting right to the point. It's about time. I nod my head in agreement as he speaks. He is right so far. "That's part of the reason why I wanted to talk to you."

"Should I be sitting down?" He is looking at me like I'm crazy. Maybe I am. This is insane. It's too early for this. "I feel like I should be sitting down. Let's go sit." Why I pick now to sit is beyond me. I probably should have been sitting this whole time. Stupid me. "Let me just refill my coffee, go have a seat in the dining room."

He takes his mug and exists to the dining room as I turn back to the coffee pot. I looked over at the clock and see that it's only been ten minutes; feels like it's been an hour. I start to leave the kitchen when the back door swings open.

"Okay, lets get moving guys, we have an entire breakfast menu to prepare," I hear Sookie barking orders as the kitchen staff files in carrying boxes and bags. I don't even want to know.

"Manny I want those strawberries cut perfectly and Scott make sure that the bacon is cut into the correct half sliced portions." She doesn't even notice me as she moves quickly to turn on the stove as Andy, her back-up, starts mixing pancake batter. That's fine. I'll ask questions later. Have to finish talking to Jess.

On second thought, maybe talking to Sookie while she makes breakfast isn't such a bad idea. Yeah it really is. Last time she caught her hair on fire because I was talking to her while she was cooking. I guess I have to go talk to him.

He is just sitting their calmly waiting for me to join him so we can 'talk'. As I walk over to the table I notice for the first time that he is wearing a black button down shirt hanging loosely over his jeans. He looks grown up. He is freaking me out a bit. He is dressed neat like Dean used to but he still has that punk edge to it because of his attitude. Focus Lorelai. Stop comparing Jess to Dean. Yes I loved Dean as Rory's boyfriend, he was sweet but Jess isn't Dean. Stop it Lorelai. Just stop it!

"So," I say as I pull out a chair with one hand and set my mug down with the other, "Jess what's all this about?"

"I got a job in Philadelphia."

"No," I said as I started shaking my head, "I'm not breaking her heart again for you." I just knew it. I knew that he was not going to stick around. My poor baby.

"It's not like that. I already told Rory, we talked about it – a lot actually." He says as he moves his gaze from his now empty coffee mug and to my eyes. His stare is really intense, powerful; almost mesmerizing. For anyone else, it would have captivated them but I've seen that gaze before. Christopher had that same look once upon a time. That's why Rory is here. Maybe that's the real reason I don't like Jess, he reminds me of Christopher. Oh my turn to talk.

"That's good. Talking is good," I chimed after I finished the sip of coffee that I'd been savoring.

"I need to take this job it's a great opportunity for me."

"Of course it is. So what's the problem?" I really do not see where this is going. He got a job. Good for him. Does he want a gold star?

"Even though she doesn't say it I know Rory doesn't want me to go. I think she's scared of what's going to happen if I leave again."

"Do you blame her?" Can I get a show of hands who would want to be in a relationship that unpredictable? I love spontaneity. I think its great and the key to true passion but there has to be some stability. Jess has never offered that. Leaving yet again just proves that. Then again it's not like he's leaving just to leave; he's leaving for a job, not to just runaway. Ugh, I hate this. Why was I chosen to play devil's advocate?

"No. I've given her every reason to doubt me. I love Rory and I want to be with her but…"

"The timing is off."

"It could have been but it's all these things. I got this job and Mrs. Gilmore…"

"Also known as the dragon lady."

"Right." He answers with a smile. He can't stand my mother either. Just from that one dinner he picked up on how intolerable Emily Gilmore can be. "Anyway, she asked Rory to spend the summer with her in Europe and I know she really wants to go. Then there is Yale in the fall, she still has so much left to do in school and I don't want to distract her."

"That's really big of you Jess, to put her needs first." Finally you decided to stop being selfish child and making her life crazy with uncertainty.

"She asked me to stay. I wanted to say yes but it wouldn't be fair. I don't want to ruin her plans."

"I think you are a big part of them Jess." A little piece of my anti-Jess wall just fell off because I admitted that.

"She wants to go to Europe and I need to take this job."

"So you're going to Philly, my daughter is going to Europe. Where does that leave you two as a couple?"

"I'm not sure yet but I want to do something special for her before I leave so she knows that when the timing is right, we can do this relationship thing."

"I'm not helping you propose."

"I was thinking of something a little less permanent."

"Jess, I'm not going to lie to you. I never thought you were good enough for Rory," I look into his eyes as I speak. He needs to know that what I'm saying is the truth and that I'm very serious. "Rory loves you. Even though I'm still not sure that you love her, the way she deserves to be loved… I guess I'm willing to give you a chance."

"Lorelai, I'm here to ask for you help, not to prove my love for Rory." He started as he got up from his seat. He placed one hand on his hip and gestured while he spoke with the other. "I know how I feel, Rory knows how I feel and that's all that matters. I came to you because I know you are one of the only people that can help me pull this off. But if you don't want to help me I'll find another way."

He walked away from table as I ran my hands through my head. I shook my head for a moment. Something inside me told me that I needed to stop him. I needed to help him. He was right I am insane. This whole situation is insane.

"Wait." I don't trust him. This might turn out really badly but for some reason I'm curious. I want to see what Jess 2.0 is really about. Maybe he'll be able to convince me that he is really in love with Rory or maybe he'll prove what I've suspected all along. "What do you have in mind?"

He walked back towards me and just as he was about to tell me his 'master plan' I noticed my bubbly daughter enter the dining room with smile the size of Connecticut on her sweet face. "Hey Sweets." She waved.

"We'll talk later," he whispered to me. He smirked then turned around to see her. She blushed as he walked towards her. I watched as her smile widened and her eyes started to sparkle. She reached her hand out and he took it into his so gently. He was really different with her. It was like they were in there own world.

I had to smile a bit. I never saw her glow like that before. My daughter was in love. I do not have to like it but I can see it as clear as day. I chuckled to myself as I grabbed the mugs off the table and started towards the kitchen. I have a breakfast to host very shortly and a surprise for my daughter; details still unavailable for that one.

So much for being on cloud nine all day. Maybe Luke will kiss me again and give me back that same high. No need. Just thinking about that kiss made me feel higher than I could ever get sniffing sharpie markers.

Luke kissed me.

* * *

It was an interesting night to say the least. I finally made my move and kissed her. I never wanted to kiss anyone so badly. I waited eight long and tumultuous years for that moment. Was it worth the wait? Of course it was. I kissed her and she kissed back. The best moment of my romantic life.

I just haven't been able to talk to her since then. It was a crazy night after that kiss and even though I went back to my room, I did not sleep. How could I? There were so many questions and not enough answers. At least I knew one thing for sure, she kissed me back. She didn't push me away; she didn't run or slap me.

She kissed me.

It was very hopeful. I guess those self-help guides to love books really do work – at least help - sometimes. She may mock them but those god forsaken books helped me realize it was her. It has always been her.

I've seen her running around here like a chicken with their head cut off. Maybe she already forgot about it.

Stop Luke! God damn it! Stop doubting yourself!

I can not take my eyes off of her. She is beautiful; especially her eyes. She has these remarkable blue eyes that are mesmerizing. I have discovered that the color of her eyes changes with her mood. Her moods fascinate me; she fascinates me. When she gets frustrated, which she has been all morning, the color of her eyes darkens slightly. Just a slight variation as if a bit of grey mixes with the glassy blue.

"You haven't moved since after breakfast?" A familiar voice said as his hand taps my right shoulder.

"Shouldn't you be showering for the hundredth time?" I ask in a very sarcastic tone as he takes the empty seat next to me and picks up a magazine from the table between us.

"I took **a** shower last night and **one** this morning. I forgot you don't know how to count that high," he responded nonchalantly as he flipped aimlessly through the periodical.

"Whatever helps you sleep better at night, Romeo." He took several showers last night after he got back to the room. He probably would have been more comfortable sleeping in there then on the chair. His shower time could only mean one thing he was with Rory and… that's as far as I'm going to into that.

"If I remember correctly, you were in there for quite a while yourself."

"I helped naked Kirk off the roof of the gazebo, I needed to shower." That was a large part of the truth. Trying to get a naked person off the roof of the gazebo was enough cause to shower repeatedly but add in the fact that it was Kirk. In the words of Lorelai 'gross'.

"Is that how you get your kicks now? I was starting to wonder…"

"No jackass. I was kissing – never mind." I did not want to get into this with him. Mainly because he is the biggest smart ass on the planet; even bigger than Lorelai and I really don't want his sarcasm to ruin my mood. I have not been in this good of mood since – hell I can't remember when I was in this good of mood.

"Kissing who Uncle Luke?"

It irritates me when he throws the 'uncle' title in. He does it on purpose. I prefer Luke; just plain Luke. No titles. Is that too much to ask for? "I don't want to have this conversation with you." Truthfully I wanted to talk to someone but somehow I did not think Jess was the best choice; mostly because I don't do the in-depth emotional conversations with him. We tried that already and we both agreed we should not talk about that stuff. Probably because neither of us wants to admit how we turn into sappy fucks around the women we love.

"It wouldn't happen to be the woman who runs this very inn would it?" He asked as he moved his gaze from the magazine to my direction. I looked up at him and noticed his cocked eyebrow. He knows.

"Aren't you supposed to be hanging out with Rory or something that involves you not being here?" Where was Rory anyway? Probably off primping herself for Jess; she has been doing that since he's been back in town. She doesn't need to. She is a beautiful young lady – just like her mother. The both of them could walk around in those pajamas with the feet on them and bed hair, they would still be gorgeous.

"You know Luke we can talk about this stuff," he said as he placed the magazine back on the table.

"Since when?"

"Since right now Uncle Luke."

"What is it going to take for you to leave me alone?"

"A million dollars," he said without a second thought as he leaned forward in his chair. He knows that I want to tell someone. He also knows that there is no way in hell I would give him a million dollars even if I had it lying around. He already knows I kissed Lorelai; he can tell. I should just tell him. Will he shut up? Probably not but what the hell do I have to lose.

"Okay, fine." I said as I leaned forward so that only he could hear me. "It was Lorelai, okay?"

"I knew it. She was not her normal space cadet self today, she was worse. More out of it than Daniel Baldwin."

"You talked to her?"

"Yeah, Lorelai and I go way back."

See smart ass. It's like he does not have an off switch when it comes to spurting out sarcasm in our conversations. "Jess."

"I wanted to talk to her about Rory."

"She'll break your legs if you hurt her again."

"Tony Soprano already warned me." Yeah I'm pretty sure I'd be more scared of Lorelai Gilmore, especially where Rory is concerned. She is a mother bear when she needs to be and nothing will stop her from protecting her daughter. Nothing. "Besides it's not going to be like that. I'm not going to be around long enough to hurt her again."

"Leaving is going to kill her. You can't do that to Rory again," I responded in a somber tone, "I saw what it did to her last time and…"

"She already knows." I looked at him quizzically. He must have sensed what my next question was going to be. "Remember when I came back I was on my way to start over again but I didn't know where?" I nodded. I do recall something along those lines. Actually, it was more like 'when I get there I'll call'. No idea where there was but that was Jess. "I had somewhere in mind, Philadelphia actually. I got offered this great job at a printing press. A junior editor type deal; I'm supposed to start in two weeks."

"But?"

"I could not leave things the way they were with Rory. I wanted to leave things on a good note this time."

"Very big of you. What do you have planned Jess?"

He shrugged his shoulders with a smirk. "Wait and see." He got up from the chair and walked towards the front door. I looked over my shoulder and there Rory was standing there with a book in hand waiting for him. I watched for a moment as he took her hand in his and led her out the front door.

Being in love with a Gilmore made you want to be a better man. I could see that in Jess. I wanted to be a better man for Lorelai. I wanted to be the man of her dreams. My nephew and I are in love with the most complicated women in the world. Life doesn't get any better than this.

"Luke," a soft female voice called across the room. I turned my head back to see the beautiful goddess standing in front of me. I lied. Life does get better. She smiled and her checks became flush. I stood up immediately and started towards her.

I stopped just short of arms reach and tried to find words; any words whether it was right or wrong. "About last night…"

"It was a great kiss."

"It was?!?" I was caught a little of guard but tried my best to recover. "I mean of course not that I think I'm some super kisser or anything but…" Why can't I ever find the right words when I'm around her? She makes me nervous and I like it. I took a deep breath and collected my thoughts. "Lorelai, I like you. I really, really like you."

"Hence the kiss."

"I just want to know we are on the same page here." Please tell me we are least reading the same book. I can deal with being a few pages ahead as long as it's the same book.

"Definitely the same page."

"Good."

"Good." She said with a smile. "I have to get back to work. Are we still good for that movie?" I nod. "Good. I'll see you later then." I nod. "Okay, bye." She says as she pivots and walks back towards the kitchen. She looks over her shoulder when she gets about half way and smiles before she disappears from my sight.

This is good. I stuff my hands into my front pockets and decide that its time to go. I should go check on Caesar and the diner. Yeah work will be a nice distraction until later.

* * *

"Let's just rent the movie." I said as I pushed myself up from the blanket we had laid out on the green earlier in the afternoon.

"We can't just watch the movie. We have to finish reading the book," she argued. "We've read half the book already, let's just finish it."

"Rory, I'm not a fan of Sparks' writing style." I said as I stuffed my hands into my front pockets and glanced around to see if the video store was open. You never know with these small towns. They keep really strange hours. Fucking weirdos. Why can't they just be like every other city in Connecticut?

"Why because it's romantic?" She asked me with big doe eyes as she gestured for me to help her up. I extended my hand and she grabbed on tightly as she effortlessly got to her feet.

"No because I don't like the book. The storyline is okay but very predictable." And it is. I've read this type of book before. They all start the same boy from the wrong side of the tracks falls in love with the town princess. Their parents try to keep them apart. They break up and eventually down the road, many years later they get back together. The end.

Sounds vaguely familiar to my current romantic situation doesn't it?

"We haven't even finished the book yet, how can you say it's predictable?"

"It's very Romeo & Juliet." She crossed her arms across her chest and pouted her lip. "I can tell so let's save some time and go rent the movie." I insisted as I shook the grass of the blanket and began folding it.

"You just want a chance to make out with me."

"Am I that transparent?"

"No." I placed the blanket down on the nearby bench along with the book we had spent all afternoon reading.

"Good," I said as I put my hands on her hips and pulled her body into mine. "I would hate to think I couldn't surprise you anymore."

"You just think your Casanova."

"Not even close." I am a pretty suave guy. If I want something or someone I can get them. I know how to play my cards better than most. I play to win. I don't just want to win with worry for one night. I want to have her with me forever. It just isn't the right time.

I don't have much money. No stability. Barely a job and I can't offer her any guarantees besides the fact that I love her. I can't let her fuck up her dreams by pulling her away from Yale. That's where she belongs. She is going to be a great political reporter someday. Going to Yale is a big stepping stone in that direction. I would never take that away from here.

Okay so I'm the jackass that asked her to come to New York to live with me but hey all I was looking for was a yes that she wanted to be with me. That she cared about me. That she loved me. That isn't a fucking crime. And look where we are at now because of it.

We are holding each other in the middle of the green in Stars Hallow as we argue about reading versus watching a movie. It's going to hurt her when I leave again but this time I won't leave without saying good-bye. We are going to part on excellent terms.

I have something special in mind for Rory; something that she wanted while we were together but never got. It is my mission to give that to her before I leave. At some point I have to go see Lorelai and finalize the plan. I only have two weeks before we have to say good-bye for now and it needs to be perfect. It has to be everything she envisioned. She doesn't deserve anything less than perfect.

"Do you really want to just rent the movie?"

"Yes, I really do." I said as I kissed her forehead. "Come on the video store is still open then we can go to your house."

"Or we could go to Luke's." She said as she looked at me with seductive eyes. She wants to. I want to. We can't. It still doesn't feel right. It's too soon. I have a feeling another cold shower is in my immediate future.

God it is so hard to turn her down but I want it to be perfect; candles, music, the whole nine cliché yards. That's what she wants. She doesn't want it to be a casual rendezvous at Luke's. She wants a whole perfect night leading up to the perfect first time. I want to make that happen for her. She just can't keep giving me those eyes. It makes me want to rip all her clothes off and just go from there.

"Or we could go to your house. It has junk food," I pointed out, "something Luke's won't have."

"You put up a good argument Mariano but my mom will probably be home," she said as we walked towards the video store.

"That's fine. Movie night was actually kind of fun."

"Jess Mariano, are you admitting publicly to having fun watching a movie with my mother and me?"

"What if I am?" I like being flirty with her. I'm usually not the flirty type. I never was until I was with her. She makes me want to flirt with her. I think it gets her excited. I want her to get excited around me. It makes things interesting. I love seeing her give me seductive eyes, she never did that before. Rory Gilmore has grown up. So have I. Hence the lack of the lets have sex right here right now attitude. It doesn't work with her. It's not her. I don't want that to be here.

"You are definitely not the same person."

"I am," I assure her as I gently pull her in front of me. "I just finally learned my vocal cords work when you're not around."

"You are unbelievable." She is smiling as she shakes her head in slight annoyance.

"I like that you think so," I said as I lowered my lips to hers. She knew what was coming and invited me closer by wrapping her arms around my neck. She parted her lips and allowed me in to explore her familiar mouth. Even though I knew the cavity of her mouth well it still thrilled me. Kissing her was always a new venture.

Our tongues danced rhythmically every time. She knew that I liked to kiss her hard and deep. I knew she liked it when I rolled my tongue around hers. When we parted I knew she liked a few small pecks to follow an intense kiss while I preferred to follow with a kiss to the tip of her nose and her cheek. We knew each other well. The kissing was like second nature to us, something we would never forget about each other. Yet each time it still felt brand new.

How is that possible?

That a kiss so proverbial can feel and taste so unusual every time; it must be because I love her. It's probably because we still have so many things to explore. Maybe it's simply because every moment I spend with her feels content and unfamiliar at the same time.

"So are we getting that movie?" She finally asked him several long minutes after their kiss.

"Yes," I answered in a single breath. We walked the final few steps to the video store. I held the door open for her and she stepped inside. "After you." I followed her inside unable to take my eyes away from her astounding assets. Rory Gilmore is going to be mine. Not tonight. Not tomorrow but before I leave, I will make one of her dreams come true.

* * *

"Are you sure you want to do this?" I asked. I was really surprised by this idea. It was out of the ordinary for him but like I promised her, I would give him a chance. I had one, two – that's right two movie nights with the boy in a few short days. That's more than he was privy to when they were officially dating. 

"Yes," he said matter-of-factly, without hesitation. He seemed very confident in his answer. This was what he really wanted to do for her.

"It's not really your thing." And I was not lying. This idea is the last thing I would expect from him.

"This isn't about me. It's about her. She wanted this and I want to give it to her." I believed him. I still have my doubts but this idea is making me second guess myself. I guess Jess 2.0 is really a good guy like she said.

"I guess your better late than never."

"My thoughts exactly. Are you going to help me?" He really wanted this to be perfect. I could tell by everything he laid out in front of me. He had it all planned out, every detail. He just needed me for one key element - her.

"How could I say no? You come to me with this plan that I know she's going to love." I could have said no. I just made her a promise to try. I owe this to her. "You are really trying aren't you?"

"I told you that this time was different."

"Yes you did. I just hope I can help you pull this off."

"Lorelai if anyone can get her to do this it's you." He said as he grabbed his wallet and keys off the kitchen table. "Thanks."

"I hope your right," I said as I shrugged my shoulders. "Let me know if you need anything else." He just nodded and walked towards the front door. He let himself out and closed the door behind him.

Walking over to the couch, I let out a long sigh I hadn't realized I was holding in. I looked at my daughter asleep on the couch as the credits from the movie rolled. She looked so peaceful, content. The first time all year I've seen her smile as she slept. She loved him and he was going to prove it.

His plan was flawless. I just needed to do my part.

Part of me was screaming that I should give her the heads up and let her in on Jess' plan. The other part of me wanted to give her this surprise. But there was still that tiny part of me that knew as good as this plan was, as much as Jess claimed to love her, he was still leaving her. I don't want to see her hurt again.

Maybe this time it will be different. Maybe this time her heart won't break. Maybe this time…


End file.
